Beginning, Middle, and End

I think each person you date helps you in some way.  You learn a little more about yourself, what you want, how to deal with different types of people.  Or maybe you just have a little fun for a while.  I'm not yet sure what will have gotten out of dating EF in the long term, but for right now I can chalk it up as another experience.

I met EF online.  I suggested meeting right away, because I hate all that online dating emailing BS.  Our schedules didn't align for several days, so we ended up texting and talking on the phone for a few days before we met.  I saw potential.  First date was dinner at a Thai place (which was excellent!  added it to my list...), and then drinks.  I thought he was easy to talk to.  Potential.  So I agreed to go out again.  Second date was sushi (also excellent...), and drinks again.  By this time I wasn't sure.  In between the dates was more texting and talking, and he started talking about how much he liked me, and probing me for what I felt about him.  With the constant contact and the too-soon affection, I was feeling a little smothered.  And beyond all that, I just didn't know how I felt about him.  I still liked talking to him, and I had a good time, but I wasn't looking forward to seeing him.  I don't expect things to be all swoony or anything, but shouldn't I at least want to see him?  I was kind of apathetic.  Still, I agreed to another date.  I felt it would only be fair to give him one more shot. 

Third date was a trip to the shore.  I brought bagels for the road.  We staked out a spot on the beach, walked along the shore, made out a little with waves crashing against our legs (okay, maybe a little unfair, I know, but I was willing to go for a test drive)--it was very romantic.  But... it was purely circumstantial.  I still just wasn't feeling it.  Sitting on the beach, I just wanted to lay around and enjoy the atmosphere and take in the lovely sun and wind, and maybe talk--I thought it was a great opportunity to keep getting to know each other.  But he kept trying to cuddle me and make out.  I was like, dude, there are families around...  I don't mind a kiss in a semi-private area, but keep it PG, please.  That's my rule about PDA's--keep it PG.  I'm not going to roll around in the sand half naked with you in front of a bunch of children.  I didn't really want to, anyway.  Anyway, I was definitely feeling suffocated.  I was glad when it started to look cloudy with impending rain, so I suggested we leave.  After a quick bowl of soup at a local pub, we drove back north and I went home.

After that, I was pretty sure I was done.  Problem was, I became really wimpy about breaking it off.  I hate doing that, and to be honest, I'm usually the dumpee, so it isn't something I've had to do very often.  That week I got really busy at work and had a couple of 12-hour days, so when he suggested that he make me dinner, I caved.  The mistake I made was letting him come over to my place.  If I had gone to his place, I could have left whenever I wanted.  But if he came to my place... he would linger.  *yawn*, I went.  *yawn yawn*  He was still there.  *yawn zzzzzz* he was still there.  I had to practically play dead before he finally said, "you should go to bed--I'll go home now."  I didn't want to be rude, but finally!  Yes, please leave!

I just had to build up the courage to rip the bandaid off.  Rip it!  I avoided him for a few days, until finally he texted me, asking if I wanted to get together on Friday.  I replied back that I didn't think it was a good idea.  I wanted the feelings to be there, but they just weren't.  It wouldn't be fair.  I'm sorry.  *rip*

I feel like a big jerk for doing it over text.  But I have to remind myself that it was only 4 dates.  This guy was practically composing our wedding invitations.  I'll feel like a jerk for a while, but I really just have to move past this.

On to the next, I guess.  *sigh*  I really hate dating.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic