I may be the world's biggest fool.
Yeah, I know I said I would stop things with SanFranMan. Then his birthday came, and I found myself sexting with him all over again. Now I'm back in the same place of wanting him to come to visit, but for this reason or the other, he can't schedule a trip. Are the reasons genuine and unavoidable, or is he just keeping me on the hook? I know not.
It's bad, yo. I haven't been on a date in so long that I can't even remember the last time I had one (but I know it's been at least a year). That's long enough that I think pretty lousy of myself, which is not helping me actually get a date, and certainly wouldn't make any potential date any fun. It's a horrible downward spiral. Meanwhile, I am still on the job hunt (which does not help the aforementioned feeling of lousiness about myself), which means I could be moving at the drop of a hat. So what point is there in making an effort, or getting to know someone, or signing up for an online dating service? Maybe that's why I slipped back into flirting with SanFranMan--because at least it's SOMEthing fun to do, and it's nice to get attention from a guy, even if he is across the country. But I am frustrated to the max and not a happy camper.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
You acknowledge that it feels good to text him, to flirt, to get his attention - what's wrong with that? Why be hard on yourself if you enjoy it and it's fun? If you're worried about a broken heart over him, then it's smarter (but less fun) to cut it off. Otherwise, go for it!
ReplyDeleteA lot of women hold themselves to this "all or nothing" standard, but the truth is, at no point in your life will everything be going well all the time.
As for the date issue, as much as I hate online dating, I like that it gives me 'practice.' It's helped me become more resilient to men's BS. :)
Well, it's not really an "all or nothing thing." The problem is that I don't enjoy getting all riled up with no prospect of seeing this guy at all in the near future. Know what I mean? I would almost be better off not thinking about that at all than to be constantly frustrated.
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