On Saturday I had a coffee date with a guy from online, we'll call him Mr. Not-that-there's-anything-wrong-with-that. For the most part it was like any other disappointing date--conversation was pretty dry and dull and there was no connection at all.
But here's what made it a little different than other dates I've been on. This gentleman arrived to our date with the assistance of a wheelchair. And I had absolutely no knowledge of this ahead of time.
Now, let me be absolutely clear. Being in a wheelchair does make things a little more complicated, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker for me. And I can see how he would be reluctant to share that up front, as maybe he wouldn't want to be judged for it. And really, dude can put whatever he wants in his profile--he doesn't have to share his whole life. All that being said, I found myself still a little annoyed that he sprung that on me like that. Why misrepresent yourself? His profile pictures did not include this, so perhaps they were all a little old (taken before his accident or whatever happened--he didn't actually tell me).
So here's my question. How much information do you need to know before you meet someone? I never really did have a list of prerequisite information, but I would have assumed that I would know the important things, like is this guy single (I won't date married men), does he have kids, does he live in the area, etc. If someone didn't tell you until the third date that he had children, would you be upset? What if he had recently gained (or lost!) fifty pounds--wouldn't you want his picture to show what he actually looks like now? We all don't want folks to judge us for who we are, but why not be up front about who we are? I'm a big fan of openness and honesty, and if people judge me for who I am, that's their issue, not mine.
What are your thoughts?
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Hmm, this is interesting. I have been out with guys who lied about having kids, where they lived, and job status. But this is a new one. On the one hand, I think he might be concerned about being judged. On the other hand, it's a huge leap to hope that someone will be ok with the deception - regardless of what the deception is, you know?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can understand if he was feeling shy or concerned about being judged. But on the other hand, why not be real about who you are? If you want someone to appreciate you for who you are, why hide it? It's definitely a tricky one.
DeleteUltimately, the date really didn't go well, anyway, but I couldn't help but be a little puzzled by all of that.