I'm not one of those girls who calls Valentine's Day "Singles Awareness Day," wears black, and rebels against all things love-related and insists on spending the day with my single girlfriends like some kind of tribe or cult. Usually I really don't care, and it's pretty much like any other day for me, except that people spend lots of money on a pointless greeting-card-industry-created holiday celebrating something that should be celebrated every day, anyway. Truly--I've been single every Valentine's Day for the last 31 years (including the year my ex-bf broke up with me two days before just so he didn't have to deal with it), and I still really don't care about it. It's a little cheesy to me, but power to all those who want to celebrate their love. That seems like a positive thing.
But.
Today I woke up to my alarm after a sleepless night, grumpy, groggy, and completely on the wrong side of the bed. I have more work than can possibly be done by one person waiting for me at the job and am praying for a miracle to just get me through it. And all the bragging among my happily-coupled friends (in my office, they're all walking back to their desk with the flowers they just had delivered and playing sappy music on their computers of the e-cards they received, and online, if they're in a relationship, it's pictures of roses on facebook, and if they have kids, it's a picture of their kids wearing a valentines outfit or working on a valentines craft) is sickening. Their flaunting of their love, coupled by the loneliness-induced Major Depressive Disorder that I'm already fighting, reminds me even more of how unhappy I am and makes me literally (and I do know the proper use of the word literally, so I mean it) sick to my stomach. Whatever happened to "love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast"? Could you please not brag about it, and I'll try hard not to be jealous of it? I think it's great to celebrate love. But you celebrating your love does not need to make the morning news or be broadcasted to all those around you, or stop traffic on my way to work so that the cop can manage cars in the florist's parking lot (and yes, that really did happen to me).
I just can't handle it today. After work, I'm going straight to bed. And then moving to Australia. Mom says some days are like that, though. Even in Australia. Maybe I'll have to get some tips from Alexander (hoping you all got the literary reference).
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
((Hugs)) to you, Skeptic!
ReplyDeleteMost days I come to terms with being single by relishing in my freedom, all the while trying to ignore that underlying loneliness. Other days are harder...this morning I had an anxiety attack.
What gets me through those tough moments is to remind myself that I AM loved. And so are you!! I wish it were the romantic kind, but I am eternally grateful for parental, sibling, cousin, friend, and even co-worker love.
Take good care of yourself...it's cliche advice and I'm awful at it myself, but it's true. :)
Aw, thanks. Yeah, most of the time I'm okay just remembering that at least I didn't settle for a douchebag like many co-dependent women do--I'm not afraid to be alone. Today was just an overall bad day without dealing with all that overly-sappy holiday stuff, so I think it set me over the edge.
ReplyDeleteCough~Cough have any personal days? You sound burnt out!!! I think it is terrible people get flowers delivered to the office. Give me a break! Very funny actually! You go home to your husbands/significant others! I should have said, "O you won't be seeing your man this Valentine's day? How sad!!" I wonder what their responses would be.. Probably their response, "Yes I'm seeing boo-boo tonight." Then you just give them a look of shock and utter disbelief....
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE to take a day off--I don't think I could do it because there is so much work to do! Then I'd go back the next day and be even more stressed out. :(
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