Is there a “Spank Me” sign on my butt?

My butt is numb. I did not get a shot in the butt. I did not fall on my tailbone from slipping on ice. Or play in the snow. And I did not have anal sex (never again).

I have been spanked. Many times…from many hands— boyfriends, friends (male and female), the C (you got your own category; congrats for making the blog), acquaintances, coworkers, parents (once with a wooden spoon when I was little…I remember it to this day), customers, and even strangers… at work, school, the gym, at the bar, walking up the stairs, and while dancing, hooking up, having sex, grinding, playing tennis, running…basically anywhere where someone can get their hands on my romp for a quick smack. I like it.

Until it became overplayed like a hit song on a radio.

I’m tired of this abuse. I’m getting bored of it, the sensation is dwindling, and it’s not as fun as it used to be. (Sorry, the C. I know you must be so disappointed right now.) I used to love the spontaneity of getting my butt smacked. It was so hot and kinky. I loved the feeling. But this butt-smacking gesture has been happening so much recently that it is overload. It irks me that strangers can’t keep their hands to themselves, especially in public while I'm at work or at the gym! What makes them think they can do that to me when they don’t even know me? Is there a “Spank Me” sign on my butt?

I feel so dirty because of these guys and it really turns me off. I need to wear a metal shield in my underwear so it would break their hands. I know most guys are “butt people,” but it baffles me that they have the nerve to place their hand on my rear. I used to like one of my friends at school and we’d always see each other at the gym. I expected getting smacked with a towel from him. I loved it. This went on for over one year. To my surprise, he actually had a girlfriend of six years! His friend told me this on the fly. He couldn't say it to my face! I felt so bad for the girl and completely disgusted at him. All this time he was hiding a girlfriend from me and hiding me from her. I hate being the secret. If only she knew. I can see why his horny self was flirting with me. They rarely saw each other and he needed a sexual outlet. He dormed and she worked in the NYC. How can he not feel guilty? Doesn’t he have a conscience? This really leads me to suspect that faithfulness is a rarity in males.

Another example was in my last blog, “The Hot Mess Scores a Blind Date,” in which I wrote about two guys whom I met at work named Steve and James. They are new to fatherhood and acted very inappropriate toward me and were unfaithful to their significant others. Sound familiar? James, who is having problems with his Baby Mama, wanted to meet up with me during the hockey game to chat. I was turned the opposite way of him, so obviously I did not see him behind me. He sure made it known by smacking my butt! My palm was open and ready to return the favor on his cheek (not the butt cheeks), but I did not need security escorting me out of work. I screamed out of shock and I told him that he is very inappropriate.

James said that I was looking the other way and he spanked me so that so I’d turn around. Since when does smacking a girl’s butt mean to “turn around”? I even told his friend Steve and he apologized for him. I told James that I don’t even know him and that he had no right doing that to me. I don't want to be treated like some secret lush! That is so disrespectful to me and to his girl or, as he calls her, "my-I-don't-know-what-to-call-her-girl" who gave birth to his twins, which were a mistake. Use protection and don't use me as a sexual escape! He said, “You’re a Jersey girl, baby. What happens in Jersey, goes.” He can go fist-pump his way to hell and get spanked with pitchforks because this Jersey girl does not put up with that!

And all the other butt smackers can join him.

Keepin’ it real,
   Realist