Goodbye Teddy Bear

Ugh.

Where to begin on this one.  I thought I had grown the balls to ask Teddy Bear out for a drink, but the cards weren't in my favor yesterday in person.  Too many people hanging out so I couldn't find a minute alone, he was rushing off for a busy night, etc. etc.  In short, I wimped out.

But the story didn't end there.

I met up with the Realist at her favorite bar, and half a pitcher of sangria and a story of my cowardess later, she convinced me that it would be a good idea to text him, a feat I have proven I would not have been able to do without a little liquid courage.  He didn't have my number, so it started out as a game of "guess who," sending him picture clues to get him to guess what lame drunk ass was bugging him.  After the third clue, I told the Realist, "you know, all he has to do is google my number and he'll see where I'm originally from, which I'm pretty sure would be a big giveaway."  Not five minutes later, he guessed correctly and explained that that's exactly what he did.  Still attempting to be flirty, I asked him what he wanted for a prize for winning the game, to which he replied, "a cookie."  The sangria made me unabashedly respond with, "I think you can do better--how about a drink next week?"

40 loooooong mintues went by, with nay a response.

I was pretty sure what that meant, and it was obvious to me it wasn't good.  My suspicions were confirmed when the next message came in, looking like an epic novel on my little phone, sentence after sentence after sentence.  Ultimately he wasn't interested, and he made that very clear, although he certainly had a lot of excuses reasons for it.

As my buzz was coming down, the Realist humored me in my utter confusion of how I could have possibly mis-read the situation.  I mean, I had it on pretty decent authority that he was looking for a little alone time not long ago, so what had happened?  Then once I was sober enough to drive home, the feeling turned to complete and utter humiliation and embarrassment.  I just wanted to bury my face in a pillow forever.

As far as matters of the heart go, I'll be fine.  I'm fine today, even.  To me, the possibility of going out with a guy for something simple like a drink isn't a big deal (although maybe it was a bigger deal to him?), and there have been plenty of poor schmucks in my past, and I'm sure there will be many more.  And I'm glad I went for it rather than always wondering.  But damn, the embarrassment is going to sting for a while.  The irony is, the alcohol (and encouragement from the Realist) is what afforded me the ability to do what I couldn't do while sober.  And even if it wouldn't have made a difference in his response how the message was delivered, I believe that coming off like a crazy drunk girl certainly didn't help my case.  Ugh ugh ugh.  *headsmack*

I really may not be cut out for playing the assertive role with guys.  I think I should just stick to flirting.  In the meantime, though, I'll be hiding under this blanket.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Smooth-talker?

I've had a lot of little crushes in my life, and in many cases they get married, and my crush dies a quiet little death as I move my attention to something else.  There was one crush I had in college, and  mostly after college, on a guy I didn't know very well--we went to college together, and he was friends of many of my friends, but just an acquaintance of mine.  But like many folks, we connected on Facebook and perhaps got to know each other better through that outlet.  That was more when my crush started--I realized, dang, that guy is cute, why don't I remember much of him from undergrad?  He seemed to have a way with the ladies, too, so it was obvious I wasn't the only one who thought he was attractive.  Too bad I couldn't make something happen back then....  Even though we never really talked, every once in a while he'd send me a private Facebook message commenting on something happening in my life--usually a kind of sympathy when something bad was happening.  I appreciated that greatly--I always take it kindly when someone understands a rough patch I'm going through, and you'd be surprised how seldom folks really reach out and be kind in those circumstances.  The fact that it was coming from someone I didn't know meant even more.

The years went by, though, and I saw that he got married.  Another one bites the dust, I thought, and on I went with my life.

Then the other day, out of the blue, he sent me another private message saying something about my art (which happens to often be of nudes these days).  I didn't think much of it, since he's sent me messages out of the blue a few times in the past--only strange thing now was that he was married, and what on Earth would he be after since we weren't really close friends?  Since I was online when I got the message, it turned into a bit of a chat, that took a few very weird turns, like how he seemed to be a bit of a player back in his college and post-college days, and he was disappointed that he never got to see me naked.  Um...... wha?  We were talking about naked people anyway, so it wasn't totally out of left field, but wow, pretty inappropriate.  I thanked him for the compliment (what girl doesn't like to hear that a guy wants to see her naked?), and did my best to change the subject.

Ugh.  Is it too much to ask to find a guy who likes me who is actually available? I'm really not that picky, but that is a mandatory baseline.  Men are such pigs.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Winky wink

Easy-to-spot sign that a girl is into a guy:  she can't keep herself from smiling (and sometimes blushing) when in an email/text exchange with him, even if the subject matter is innocent.

Geez, what is my problem?  Why can't I make a move?

I'll be honest, though--I looooooove the flirting.  :)

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Teddy Bear - Not in the past yet?

So, I HAD pretty much given up on Teddy Bear. It just didn't seem to be going anywhere, and I was too nervous to push anything, and my interest wasn't strong enough for me to really lay it all on the line, so I settled into a stance of whatever happens, happens, and I don't care.

Then today got me wondering.

I saw him again at today's studio art session.  He mentioned in conversation (can't remember what we all were talking about) that he decided he can only date other artists.  Something about it would take one to understand him, I think?  I said "well, that sure does narrow down the pool!"  Although I guess it might depend on his definition of "artist"--everyone is an artist of some kind, and very few people make a living out of it, but there is a lot of grey area in between.

Anyway, as we were wrapping up, I did take my time putting my stuff away, thinking I might get a few moments with him.  No dice--the rest of the group stayed with me chatting it up! Evidently I am the life of the party and no one wants to leave until I do.  

So I had my coat on and all my gear in my arms, and had just stepped out the door when Teddy Bear pokes his head out the door and asks if I'm headed home, and convinces me to let him show me around the exhibit that was just going up in the halls around the art school.  The art was amazing, although I didn't need an escort or commentary per se, so it did kind of feel like he was making a move.  I was eating it up, but I was also hella nervous. I loved it, but it could never really be a private moment, since there were people meandering about here and there around the basement where the school was.  Ultimately, we were interrupted and someone stole him away to help with something, so I left.

Maybe I shouldn't have given up?  Am I still interested?  I didn't think I was, but the amount of nervousness that I felt today might be an indication that I actually still am.  Seems like this would be the time for me to do something bold like email him my phone number, but I just don't know if I have the balls to do that.  

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

You might be a single 30-something girl if...

One thing that drives me crazy is when folks who are married or have kids tell me that I "wouldn't understand" their lives, and dismiss my thoughts/feelings/opinions about anything that they say.  Then they band together and bitch about all the shit about their lives that dumb "singles" like me would never understand, and basically stop talking to me because they can't relate to me.

I loathe this behavior for so many reasons:

• I'm not stupid. Don't treat me like I am.
• I am your friend. I want to understand your life. TELL me. Don't dismiss me.
• Did it ever occur to you that the very things you complain about might be the very things I want most in life, and you whining about it might be very hurtful to me?
• I realize that folks want to talk to people who can relate to them, but this comes off as a very cocky "I'm better than you" attitude. Could we just be adults? You have problems, I have problems. You don't understand my problems, either, if we're being honest. But you don't see me creating single-people forums solely devoted to complain about our lifestyle and laugh at those married people who don't understand.  Unless that's what this blog is for.... (HA!)

Therefore, since stuff like this is easy to find about moms but virtually non-existent for folks like me, I give you the following..... *drumroll*.....

You Might Be a Single 30-Something Girl If......

• Someone has assumed you must be either a 1) Bitch, 2) Workaholic, 3) Desperate psycho, 4) Raging partier, or 5) Bitter spinster.  Every week.
• You've had a dinner consisting of wine and crackers.  And you don't see anything wrong with that.
• You can't go to a family gathering without someone asking you when you are getting married, regardless of whether you are seeing anyone currently or not.  They are disappointed in you, as if you failed at the only purpose in life, ignoring any of your other accomplishments.
• People ask you frequently why you're still single. Then they tell you their theory.  Which usually involves telling you (unsolicited) what's wrong with you.
• You support yourself and all your living expenses with only your own income, get no tax deductions for dependents, and bought everything to furnish your home--none of it was a wedding gift.  You may never be able to afford to buy a house, but you're kind of proud of your independence.
• You have very few friends left because everyone you know got married and disappeared.
• You do everything yourself--all the housecleaning, laundry, pay bills, making all life decisions, calling the cable company, and after all of it is done, there is no one to say thank you, no one to console you after a hard day.  So you learned to be an adult and handle it on your own.
• You get pity from people when they find out you're single, as if it's a disease.
• You've ever rolled your eyes when someone gushes about how great her boyfriend/husband is and how she couldn't live without him.
• You get annoyed by the things married people say, like "you wouldn't understand," "your life must be so great--I miss being single," "don't worry, you'll find someone," etc.

Ladies, add your own in the comments!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Please refer back to December 3 I like the bartender!!!

I saw him last night.. I think he is so hot, personable, and outgoing. I asked him if he rigged the contest to make me win a cooler. He said yes!!! Someone pays him a compliment and he wanted to return the nice gesture. Here is the negative though
:( I feel there is a chance he might be gay. I asked why he didn't call? He said he thought I wasn't serious. Then my one friend said when is our first date? He said for all of us to leave our numbers and we will go outside sometime!!! Annoying... I'm the one hitting on you here!!! He is hot though! Whenever I'm there I can't stop looking at him. I just feel like he either has someone, or is gay.. Either way he should tell me. If he had someone though what is he doing stringing me along until he breaks up with his girlfriend? If he is gay just say it! Last night was my last night extremely hitting on him. After last night, I'll just be nice to him if I don't hear from him. I wrote him my number yesterday... He gave me a beer right away on the house... So WTF is that all about? I'm feeling confused.. How are you going out all the time when you a bartender??? Your bread and butter days are weekends!!! I hope he is either a student, or looking for a new job. I don't judge the job of a bartender, but my ex was one and he has a major drinking problem. Hmmmm... Bartender let me hear from you!!!!

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

A ghost of what "might have been"

I was thinking today about the "what-ifs." You know, those things in life that you look back on and wonder what might have happened. Specifically, there is a guy out there in a far away city that I was friends with way back when we were kids. He moved away, and after a while we got re-connected when we were in college, and then later on Facebook. I saw him a couple of times, but mostly we just stayed in touch via the miracle of the internet. Since we grew up and got re-connected as adults, I always felt there was something there. There's a certain chemistry the few times we've been together, and there's even a certain chemistry when we communicate online. I get the feeling that we have similar souls--we look at life in similar ways.

I never thought much of it, until a mutual friend pointed this online chemistry out to me. The fact that she noticed it made me realize maybe it wasn't just in my head. I always thought that if I ever ended up in the same city as he was, I would ask him out. And sometimes I wonder what that would be like, and what might happen. And that makes me think about how life is a bitch. I wouldn't relocate myself just in the hopes of having a date. And maybe it seems unreasonable to go on a date with him next time I'm in town visiting just to "see what happens." But I wonder how much of life really is what we make of it and how much is just happenstance. How much should we leave up to "fate," or whatever, and how much should we go after? I've come to believe that love is not something I can push, because the more effort I make and the more I push it, the more nothing goes my way. So I gave up trying, and whatever happens, will happen.  It's a funny thing, though--love. And fate. And attempting to control our own lives.

Just pondering. You may return to your regularly scheduled lives now.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic