Not as many people participated in this week's poll, but I'll admit I didn't advertise as much as I did last time. This subject is a little touchy. Touchy because Y could read this (if you are, hi Y!). Touchy because there are a lot of people who know us both. But.... look. I feel that these things should be said, and I'll be honest about what I think (I have nothing to hide). I don't think there's any reason for our mutual friends to feel uncomfortable.
Here's the sitch. Things didn't work out between Y and me. It happens. I'm not going to talk about why things didn't work out or any of that because it's in the past. But what is NOT in the past is that I still run into Y often. It was tough at first, because come on, who wants a constant reminder of how happy you were for a little while and how painful it was to end that? But I'm an adult, and I believe I can be very mature about these things, and I move on. I have no hard feelings about it--I will always wish the best for him.
All of my exes have either become good friends or I never saw them again. And for each of them, that was just how the cards fell. I think what happens after a breakup varies greatly depending on how each of you deal with it and how it ended. So this in-between thing that's happening is new to me. I had hoped that Y and I could have been friends, but that doesn't look like it will happen, so that's life. But... if we are going to see each other often anyway, wouldn't you think we could be friendly? Cordial? It's not like things ended with a big blowup fight or a big disaster, it just was the end. So, why the silent treatment? I try to say hello once in a while and make small talk, so could he maybe pretend that I exist sometimes? I don't think it's asking too much.
I don't understand it, and it makes things all the more awkward. It's already been a good amount of time, but maybe it just needs some more time and that awkwardness will go away. Hopefully.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
I thought about this topic a lot. I do not talk to any of my past exs and the "other" category. I'd rather not. I have no animosity toward one of my exs. I just prefer not the be friends or communicate. I would not feel awkward. I just think that's how things should be with exs. I can see being cordial or friends way down the line. I caution talking to still trying to be friends shortly after a breakup. It is likely that there are still longing feelings on at least one side of the party. This is prime time for rebounding, which is why I think both people should not be in contact. Cold turkey. It is going to be super hard, but I think it's the best way. I went cold turkey on one ex (he was a jerk anyway). I hated it and what made it worse was that I was very fragile at the time, going through a lot of things. That just made it worse. Other than that, I vote for cold turkey.
ReplyDeleteIf they continue to talk "to be nice," one person usually wants to get back together. Then they end up breaking up again. I like to say, "Once an ex, stay an ex." There is just so much history and feelings from a relationship that still talking either makes one person feel awkward, while the other person hopes to cling on the hope that "there is still a chance" if staying friends. It is very hard to go back to being "just friends" after a breakup. I think that guys either see you as a girlfriend and once that relationship ends, it's over. There is no use in becoming friends because to them, there is no use for an ex girlfriend, especially if they feel awkward and can't screw them anymore. Either an ex or nothing. There's not really a "purpose." That may sound harsh and "using," but I think guys process things in black and white terms. Girls are more flexible and are see things as shades of gray.
The silent treatment may be a guy's way of saying he does not want anything to do with his ex. They know that this will make their exs mad. The ex girlfriend would then confront the guy about his behavior and then both sides will argue. The guy wants an argument because it is an "easy way out" of this sticky situation. My ex and I wanted to just be friends, but it did not work. It was very uncomfortable for me. It was so hard to see him. It really hurt. The friendship won't be the same. I think both sides are better off separating. Move on.
Ah, but the key element in this dilemma is, what if you have to see each other on a regular basis? That definitely makes cold turkey kind of impossible.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe it's just me, but in this case I don't personally feel weird about it. So to me, saying hello to him feels like the polite thing to do. It's possible that he feels weird about it and that's what makes it awkward, but I just think it doesn't have to be that way.
Sticky situation.. I never had the dilemma with having to see Ex's after breaking up.. If I had to I would say, "Hi." No need even for the small talk.
ReplyDeleteIt also involves: Who did the breaking up? If you dumped the guy he probably is hurt. Obiviously question does not have to be answer. Sounds like your just dealing with a hurt dude.