Female blue balls? Yup, they exist!

Errrrggggghhhh.....

So remember SanFranMan?  Of course you remember.  Well, that whole online flirtation is still going on.  Yes, I know--STILL.  How long, you may ask?  Well, I lost track, but I'm guessing it's been 3 or 4 months now.  It's a lot of dirty texting and dirty pictures exchanged, and mutual self-pleasure basically.  And since I expected that he'd be in town to visit in early October, I thought that all of this would basically be like the world's longest foreplay.

But now it looks like his trip is cancelled.

Well, fuck.  Er, I guess a lack thereof.  Yeah, all of this has been really fun and meaningless, which is a BIG departure from how I normally function with guys, but I guess that's what made it so refreshing.  But when he told me that he was no longer coming (NO pun intended), I was left with the feeling of..... now what?  Four months of buildup to....nothing?  He said he still wants to take a trip out here to visit, but now there's no timeframe on that.

Allow me to explain.  Mama has needs.  It's like dangling food in front of a starving person (and considering how long it's been for me, the starving person as an analogy is somewhat appropriate), but the food is forbidden.  The food smells so good, and it's a very enjoyable experience to smell it and see it and salivate over it.  But there comes a point when the starving person has just got to eat, and smelling that food is making it worse, so maybe it's better to take the food away.  Make sense?

Not surprisingly, he doesn't quite feel that way.  He likes all this long distance flirtation, and wants to keep it going.  I enjoy it, too, but I ultimately want the whole shebang, and wonder if all of this is just making me even more frustrated and further away from what I ultimately want.  I also liked the idea of him coming here because he would have other things to do here and people to visit, which would take the pressure off me in case things are too awkward between us (remember, I still have not seen this guy in 10+ years, so it might just be too strange).  If I went to visit him, sure, I could sightsee and do other things, but it seems like there would be more pressure on things.

Maybe the answer here is clear, but I'll be honest--I'm getting a little too frustrated to even think straight now.  Like, please-hold-me-back-before-I-make-a-mistake-by-calling-an-ex-for-a-bootie-call frustrated.  You ladies understand, right?  Help.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic