Can you unhook my bra? My back hurts....

“I’m going to have to unhook this,” my chiropractor said, sitting behind me with my back exposed in one of those medical tops that barely covers anything.

     By all means! I can’t do it….my back hurts.

     In all my times that I've been to chiropractors, I never had to take my shirt off. I wore one of those unsexy pieces of fabric that tie in the back. I left my bra on because I did not think it would interfere with what he had to do. He said, in the most awkward way, “I’ll leave the room while you change and leave the door open a little bit so I know you’re ready to proceed.”

     I really was cracking up when he left. “Proceed”!

     Unfortunately, I am now going to this chiropractor because the fees for the previous chiropractor that I mentioned in my last blog were much higher than the one I go to now. I did a search on Google for chiropractors in my town and he was the third one on the list. I read that he also has a physical therapist on staff. I emailed this chiropractor about my case. He happens to be a runner as well. Score! Good thing I clicked the “I’m feeling lucky” box on Google. J

I went for my free consultation the next day. I told him that I emailed him the day before. He figured it was me because he read my chart. I knew my insurance would not cover this, but he hooked me up! It pays to run. J I got major discounts for both chiropractic care and physical therapy! I’m his favorite. ;) I love having a doctor that runs. They understand...or they're just biased.

I could not keep a straight face from the second I met him! It’s bad! I felt sexual tension right from the start. I feel tension with every doctor that I go to (only the young ones). I don’t know what it is! Our personalities clash though. I am vibrant and he is dull, of course. He is not bad looking. I couldn’t look at him because I would blush. I hate that!

To break the ice, we talked about running. He asked me what my greatest distance was, which is a half marathon (13.1 miles). We just so happened to run the same half marathon this past May. I beat him by 25 minutes! He was so impressed. Haha he got beat by a girl! That sure deflated his ego.

       I am going to sign up for a free bootcamp week that his practice offers. One of its instructors wrote me in an email: "Rumor has it you took Dr. M. in a race. Love it!" He will never hear the end of this! What now, Doc!? I wasn’t even adjusted! I can’t believe he told this instructor about me! In fact, he even told a local running club about my case, being a runner and a virgin to chiropractic. He gave a 15-minute speech after my appointment. He is all about me running. I told him I am running the NYC Marathon next year. I said I’ll give him credit, but he will only take one percent. I should ask him to join my team. That would be so awkward!

Dr. M. attends the advanced bootcamp classes atat 5:45 a.m. That is too early! The instructor told me to attend that one because it's my level. FML. I wonder how this will pan out, seeing him at the bootcamp. Technically he is not at work, and I am not being treated. I’m still his patient though. This reminds me of a counseling case in my ethics class. Should the counselor/doctor initiate small talk or would that make the client/patient feel uncomfortable, considering he or she will see this person for an appointment? He will see me all sweaty. Ahhhhhhh this is weird! I am curious to see the dynamics though. For the good of the blog!

While he was (literally) on my back, he said, "I'm not on your shirt." I had no idea what he meant, so I didn't say anything. Then I think he realized that sounded bad, so he clarified, saying he doesn't see his name as a sponsor on the back of my shirt.

He said his patients waiting outside don’t like me. I asked why.

“I don’t know why. Do you know people who don’t like you?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Why don’t they like you? Because you’re faster than them?”

Is this conversation really happening?

Then he said something in French, as if I understood! Is he trying to impress me? To top it off, he said he used to date a Croatian woman! He is bringing up his personal life!

“Us chiropractors are crazy. Just like people who run marathons.”

What an insult!

I saw this chiropractor three days in a row. I'm spending more time with him than I would with a boyfriend! All days have been awkward. When I was done on day two, he helped me up from the lay-down chair and hugged me! “Welcome to the chiropractic family,” he said. I almost burst out laughing! He says some weird stuff!

The last two days he showed more of a personality— laidback and inappropriate! He wore a shirt and jeans. What he was saying shocked me! I met with him for an hour on my second day. He was lecturing about the spine and a bunch of way-out-there jibberish, which I did not understand. He must be an alien. Actually, he does look like one.

There is a picture of him holding a black baby girl (he is Canadian) on the reception desk. No woman in the picture. I don’t know if he adopted her or something. I do not want to get involved with a guy with child or who was divorced…or is married! I don’t want that baggage!

We went over my results and I have two problems that need adjustment, in addition to a tight IT-Band which will be taken care of with physical therapy (done by a female…bummer) and Active Release Technique (ART). He performs ART on me each time I see him. It’s a godsend! I have a love/hate relationship with ART though. It hurts like a mofo, but it works! I also find it sexy in a way.

“Ow…..oww.....ow…owwwwwwww!” I shouted in pain. I’m very vocal. ;)

“You can curse,” he said.

“I don’t curse.”

“How come?”

“It’s just a choice. There are other words I can use. I don’t get angry much anyway.”

“I’m impressed.”

Wow! It turns me on when he does ART to me. My leg is in the air and he is pressing down with his thumb with full force. “This is what is going to make me retire early (meaning his sore thumb),” he said. I try to dissociate myself from this experience because it gets really painful. It helps to think that a hot guy is on top of me doing that. Hot! I hope I don’t make any of “those” faces.

He is closed on Fridays, but he really wanted to see me the next day to see how I reacted to treatment overnight. He taught a Pilates class earlier that day, so he was in his office anyway. I was his only patient. He opened the doors just for me. There was a woman from the Vitamin Shoppe there, too. Apparently, she is going to make him “famous” at her store. He told her that I am going to take first place in the marathon. I like the compliments, but I wonder what that woman was thinking about what is going on! 

He is saying some inappropriate things to me now. I know he can pretty much do or say whatever he wants, but I think he is crossing the line! For instance, in counseling it is unethical to touch a patient (handshake is OK only if they initiate it). I know that his job is very touchy feely, but that is allowed only during treatment. I extended my hand to him before leaving. He hugged me instead! “Thanks for trusting in me,” he said.

I will post a weekly update to track his progress. Who wants to bet that he will ask me out in three months (the extent of treatment)?

Keepin’ it real,

  Realist

Doc, can you check me out?

          I get checked out a lot by men — even those that hold a stethoscope. Hear my heart beat, doc.

Thump. Thump. Thu-thump. My heart skips a beat.

I enlisted in the help of a chiropractor who also does physical therapy to alleviate my IT-Band syndrome. I met him after a race in March. I was so impressed that he knew my problem without me giving him much information. I was sold on going to him when he did Active Release Technique on my IT-Band. Wow! It was amazing! I really felt a difference. I told him I’ll definitely pay him a visit.

I kept my promise. I went to see him last week and he remembered me. Who can forget this face? He remembers me as the “laughing runner”. Who can forget this laugh? I’ve never had so much fun at an appointment before! What I love about him is that he actually has a personality (a rare trait of doctors)! I felt like I was talking with a friend. We immediately established rapport. I was very open with him. I admitted my running/exercise addiction, which is something I do not tell doctors because I know they are going to curse at me with the “r” word: rest. Since I trusted him, I felt comfortable enough to tell him. I was ready to hear it. I needed to hear it from someone who has been there and someone who will punish me if I don’t follow the treatment plan. He advised —no— ordered me not to run this weekend. 

I ran a 5K that Sunday. I placed first in my age group. The only reason I did that race was because it was in my neighborhood. I couldn’t resist running with my fellow hood rats. He doesn’t know that I relapsed.

      He said I should take two days off a week. “Off” meaning…

      “Doing nothing!?” I whined.

“Yup! Absolutely nothing!” 

He had to be joking. My back cracked up when he said that.

     He worked on my quads, IT-Band, and my lower back and showed me some stretches to do at home. I had to bend down in front of him three times. (You know what that looks like.) He put an electrode stimulator (massage) on my lower back (lumbar…oh yeah) and on my butt cheeks! He pulled my shorts up and shoved two massage pads on my butt! I did not expect that. My eyes were O_O Good thing I was face down. 

I got a butt massage for 12 minutes. It relieved the abuse from all that spanking.

The doc and I cracked jokes (in addition to the snap, crackle, and pop of my back). I can see myself going out for a drink with him. I never thought I would say that about any doctor. He’s just that cool! I know there is a boundary. I struggle with this same issue as well when I counsel hot students. It’s not fair! 

He’s married with a kid though. That doesn’t mean anything these days. It’s just hot when he touches me. I love physical therapy! I compare it to sex. No wonder it’s called “physical”.

“This is going to be fun,” he said.

I grin and nod.

 “Three times a week,” he said.

“Do these stretches three times a week?” I asked, holding my stretching homework sheet.

“No. I want to see you three times a week,” he smiled.

Is this a date?

Keepin’ it real,
   Realist

He's a Slow Grower

The postive
What you see is what you get. That is refreshing. Plus I love a good sense of humor with an appreciative laugh.
Ahhh! I'm very happy. He's not shady. This is strange.
For the first time in my life I feel I don't have to be a detective on a case.
Strange feeling.

The negative
On a new note: If I defriended you this week know that you're scum.
How DARE you run your mouth about shit that IS NOT true!

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

Ms. Independent is Secure

      “Ms. Independent.” It’s been said by many a rapper and hip hop artist. It’s also been said by an ex. I dumped him right then. Over text. I was bored at work. I needed some entertainment.

I love taking personality assessments. I question the validity of these quizzes, especially if they are in magazines such as Cosmopolitan. I decided to take a test in “Decode your Love Style” (June 2011). The article said that people are usually one of three “romantic types”-- avoidant, anxious, and secure. These types are based off a personality theory, called attachment theory. While this is mostly applied to the parent-child bond, it is also applicable to couples. The Disbeliever and I both scored “avoidant.” We are Ms. Independents! Even though I scored a perfect score for “avoidant,” I do not identify with it after reading the description.

I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I love myself. J I never went through a boyfriend’s phone, even if it was right in front of me. I do not put my relationship status on Facebook, whether I am single or not. No one needs to know! I do not mope if I don’t see my man on a weekly basis. I have my friends! Based on these characteristics, I am definitely the avoidant type. “You are all about doing things on your own and enjoy calling the shots” (p. 127). The first part (before “and”) is true, but not the rest of it. “You worry that being committed to someone will mean a loss of independence,” (p. 128). I don’t feel “hot and cold” and I don’t distance myself when I feel “overwhelmed” or when I can’t stick to my “agenda”. I don’t crave the freedom. I still act like my own person, but I am not going to shove the guy away if he wants to join in on the fun (with the exception of girl’s night out). I also don’t have a hard time compromising and I don’t cut people off. I let them talk.

For the secure type, I scored three out of six. My friends come to me for relationship advice; I’ve had my share of flings and long-term relationships; and I like to take turns in picking what to do and I am open to suggestions. Here’s the real me: “When it comes to being in love, you have a serious advantage— for the most part, you are even-keeled and emotionally available and have faith that love can last” (p. 129). The article continues to explain that I am “very comfortable” with who I am (yes) and that I “don’t think of love as something that has to be dramatic or difficult.”

Women in this category also have a “low-key attitude about arguing,” which may come across as ambivalence. This is def accurate. My arguing style is silence, but it comes across as if I don't care. I just don't like wasting time being angry! I tend to avoid conflict, but I need to face it. I just like to be drama-free! “Your chill persona allows him to maintain that sense of independence that’s so important to this type. However, you do need to know when to call him on the BS” (p. 129). I sure will!

The validity of these quizzes is questionable, as evidenced from my results. It should not be taken to heart. Everyone dabbles in a few of these love styles— anxious, avoidant, and secure. All that matters is that I am secure with myself. J

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist              

Cosmopolitan: The Second Bible July edition

Miss RiRi is on the cover. I'm not really a major fan of her music or her, but she had a good interview and dating tips.

Some highlights that I really like from July's issue are: "Rihanna Exposed" (p. 32). Her type of guy is hot and hung. I guess we know about Chris's Brown size now haha. "I'm open to love, but guys should have to earn it. The minute they get it, they want something else. Men are hunters; they like the chase. So you have to keep them guessing."

Thank you Miss RiRi I plan on doing just that. Also, she goes onto to say: "If a guy texts me or says something and he's trying to be all slick. I would never entertain it. I think. That's bullshit. It's just an act." Damn girl you sound a lot like me. Want to be friends?

Moving on to "What Guys Notice First About You" (p. 37) by Captain America former gossip girl star Sebastian Stan.

• Luscious Locks
• A BIG laugh (That is definately me. I do not censor my laugh.)
• The things you carry with you
• Your favorite type of drink
• Your pucker
• A pair of skyscapers (wear heels ladies)
• A sultry strut
• Perfect posture
• The company you keep
• Hips don't lie

What a hottie! Can this guy jump off the page?

Want kids? "A New Clue to His Fertility" (p. 53)
Anogential distance plays a big part of how fertile a guy is. Next time you're "down there", measure this distance. Whip out a ruler or a credit card as pictured in the magazine. Your measuring the length between his anus and back of testicles.

Here is some random facts taken from page 53.
54 percent of single guys say they've had sex with a girl who was "just a friend" in the past year. If you're boinking, that is more than just a friend. Just saying! Get it right, Cosmo.
Guys wish their sex life was more spontaneous (33 %); kinky (23%); frequent (23%); and sensual (21%).

"Why Guys Don't Make Grand Gestures" (p. 56)
I loved this quote by Isaiah Mustafa: "Any man who tuned in to your needs is someone who's worth having around." So simple of a quote, yet I love it nevertheless.

OMG! OMG! OMG! "Water Gods" (p. 93) The guy on page 93 is so smoking hot! I ripped him out of the magazine, so what if I feel 16 again! I'm hoping to meet him on the beach this summer. I like him because he looks super althetic. He also looks like he could be able to keep up with me. YUMMY times a million.

"Talk so He'll listen (and Listen So He'll talk)" (p. 99) I'm not in a relationship so I really don't care about this article. Even if I was in a 'ship it is super basic. Couples tend to speak in code to each other. So often they misunderstand what the other person is trying to talk about. Assuming you share a brain. Self-other merging is the scientific term for it. After you've been together for awhile, a couple tends to think the other person thinks like them. Ignoring your body. Missing out on body language because you're focusing on other things needed to be done.
See it is BORING! Why did I even write about this?

This is a good one: "Think Twice about Friending Your Guy" (p. 100)
I agree 100% don't friend someone you're friends with benfiting, "hanging out with," dating, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or smooching. I'm not even friends with any of my exs. No need. So why not friend them? Statuses get misinterpreted; you lose a sense of mystery; wall posts can cause paranoia; tt's too easy (saying "I love you" on Facebook is not like saying it in person, obiviously). I'm a big fan of not being Facebook friends with potentials.

"The Sexiest Spots to Touch Him During Sex" (p.102) Really, Cosmo? For the millionth time! A comparison was done on sexual anatomy comparing a female part to the male part. In the womb we start out with many common tissues and numbers of nerve endings. Think of his shaft like the curve of your breast.  Think of his testicles like your nipples. Think of the base of his penis like your pubic mound. Think of the head of his penis like your clitoris. Think of his perineum like your g-spot.

"Ask Him Anything" (p. 122) During the past few dates I've been told that I'm "intimidating." What does that mean when a guys says that? I said wow sounds like me only I get "Independent." They said she is giving off a bitchy vibe. Definately not me. I just march to the beat of my own drum. If guys can't handle it, little miss independent will move on. What else can I tell you?

"50 Things You Never Should Have Stopped Doing" (p. 124) I still do a lot of them! That is why I'm so young at <3. I'll give you some wonderful examples:  Dressing festively for the fourth of July or any holiday. Making plans for Saturday night on Saturday night. Keeping a list of every boy you've fooled around with... the more juicey the deets you include, the better your hiding place should be.

"The Scary New Oral-Sex Risk" (p. 144) Scientist have found a link between hooking up and cancer. Just as HPV is passed though direct skin contact during intercourse, it is spread the same way during oral sex.

Finally,  I want those bright ass yellow sunglasses featured on page 171.

How fun~

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

How to Decipher whether a Girl likes a Guy 101

            Guys are blind. They can't tell whether girls like them or not when the clue is right in front of their face. Allow me to open your eyes, boys, so you can finally see if a girl digs you or not.

     If a girl starts talking to you, that's a good sign. At least she acknowledges your existence. Don't get ahead of yourself though. It does not mean she likes you! This is not flirting! What she talks about is where you have to pay attention. Is it dull stuff, such as the boring "how was work?" Or is it more interesting: "What is the most daring thing you've done?" I've been asked that once by a crush and conversation flowed. Now I use it on guys. It's a test to see how crazy you are (in a good way). Another clue for the clueless: If a girl has a successful track record of “nos” to just about every time you ask her to hang out, then that means she doesn't like you! “No” means no!

  

    Some girls also do a lot of things that guys like to do. This is where it gets tricky when doing these things with single men. If I decide to go running with a guy, it’s because I like to run— not because I like him! In his mind, it means I like him. They think too deep into it. It is what it is! If a girl only says "yes” to doing a certain type of activity with you all the time, then that means she just sees you as someone to share a hobby or a common interest with. It’s called being a friend! 

**Pay attention** to this last clue. If a girl likes you, she will do one simple thing: she says “yes” more than “no”.

Can you see now?    

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist

Top 10 Occurences you MUST do on a "Hang Out" or "Date"

Once you're past 25 you are as grown as you will ever be. What you see is what you get.
Ladies, I have listened to your stories. Men, this is what needs to be done on a date to make a first "hang out" or "date" turn into many more.

Top Ten Occurrences you should do on a "hang out" or "date"
10. Talk politely! Don't curse. It doesn't impress.
9.  Leave exs in the past!
8.  Leave your cell phone in the car!
7.  Be confident! Not cocky. There is a fine a line.
6.  Limit looking at yourself in anything you see your reflection in! (Haha this is probably just a problem I had.)
5. Hold the door and pull out my chair! (GEEZ you guys really lack in this department.)
4. Be interesting!
3. Keep your plans!
2. Pay! If it is the first date, pay. I intend to pick up the checks down the line or split. We will develop a system. Just in the beginning PAY or I will NOT see you again!
1. Pretend sex does not exist! If you're lucky you will get there soon enough. Any girl worth something will make you WORK for it.

Hope you men enjoyed the refresher course! Now how about asking me to hang out? Hahaha.

Throw back

Who knew that I would be sitting here on your porch next to you as Clifton High School class of 2003 graduates. I remember when we graduated from Grove Hill nursery school and we got flowers. I had my back torwards the people. You had your fist in your mouth. Now we are holding a pen and writing in each other's yearbook. We are no longer little shy girls, but grown up mature adults. I'm so happy we met again in our reunited friendship was one of the many memories of my highschool life. I enjoyed making you famous in my articles and running next to you at our track meets. If I could tie with anyone it will always be you, but you beat me in the last mile! Class was fun in Bonnie's English 3 CP class in C-312 junior year. And Mr. Lotio's American History 1 class sophmore year in C-310. Well my twinnie and coworker not to mention first friend who will once again seprate though school, but the spirt of our friendship will keep us alive.

Your first friend (First name, Last Name)
Fay

Aw how touching... I know it is not guy related.. I couldn't resist.
Just we are still out there running it.
A yearbook throw back...

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

Mr. Sexy and Ms. Sexii

I finally exchanged digits with Mr. Sexy! (Read this previous post about Mr. Sexy to refresh your memory: Put on Blast.) We reunited at work a few weeks ago. We hugged and he calls me his “crush”. He gave me his number immediately to put in my phone. “If you don’t text me tonight, I’m going to go all hood on you,” he said. I sent him a text and he said, “Hey sexii.” I have been referring him as “Mr. Sexy” all this time and now he calls me “sexii”! It’s fate.

       He texts me frequently. It’s getting serious haha. I asked for his age and of course he is 21! I always get them way too young and way too old! I told him I feel old. His reply: “I can make you feel young.” Hot! That’s what I love about youngens. They are so spicy! Baby Spice!

He wanted a picture of me for his contacts. He said I look cute. He looks adorable/hot in his. He should def be a model! Somehow it got to talking about sexting, but I said I wasn’t in the mood. He told me to let him know when I have the house to myself. “I can’t wait to see your sexii body naked,” he said. I can’t believe this! Now I am hesitating because there is a good possibility that this can really happen.

Will I go black and never come back? Stay tuned!

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist

The Freeloader~ Our "Hang Out"

Is not a freeloader at all! Woot! Woot! I'm not going to go into major details. Guess what blog-o-world! It is none of your beeswax!!!!!
He is quite the catch.

I'm also sorry for calling him a weirdo. He was just trying to talk to me over the phone. Although, he made a bad joke as an excuse to talk.

I'll leave it as we had a great time! It is great to know NOT all guys are jerks!
I really enjoyed our "hang out."

Why was this not a "date?"
What is the difference between a "hang out" and "date"?
I had this discussion with a manager at work. It stuck with me.

A guy who is SERIOUS about you will ask you to DINNER. Simple as that.
Was I expecting that? No definitely not for now! I barely know the guy! For the first meeting, coffee or drinks is perfectly fine. Dinner has more weight than drinks or coffee on your level of seriousness.

He also said I give off the independent vibe as usual. What is wrong with that men/boys? Every rap and hip-hop song sings about independent women. Then if I was clingy they would run as well! I don't need any analysis on this. Guys find this intimidating. Combine independence with my major and that equals the recipe for afraid men.

Lesson of the night: Don't ever just listen to a guy's words. His actions must speak louder than his words. This guy's actions have proven to be highly impressive in a weird sort of way. Who looks you up in the phonebook for crying out out? The Non-Freeloader is that type of man!

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

Be a Go Getta!

Some guys just don’t know how to hit the ball back and forth. They have no game. I don’t know if it’s insecurity or shyness, but man up! Our readers agree. In our last poll, you said that guys should make the first move/ask the girl out. (Only three people voted though, so it’s skewed.) I think it is a man’s job to make the first move. Obviously if there is flirting between the two, then there is attraction. How many hints does it take for them to ask a girl out on a date?

     On the other hand, if there is attraction between the two, should the girl go after what she wants? Maybe guys find that attractive and ballsy for a girl to make the move. This male posted on a forum about who should make the first move. “It’s nice to be the one not taking the first move all the time. Part of the fun of dating is that nervous little tingle you feel in your stomach when you find a beautiful woman who smiles at you.” Another one: “Back in my single days, I was a shy little monkey, so if a woman ever made a move on me first, that would be one way to overcome my own lack of confidence to do so first. And it shows her assertiveness too. I'm fine with that.”

On the contrary, consider this excerpt from He's Just Not That Into You.

Dear Greg,
This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?

Nikki
___________________________________________________________
Dear Nikki,
Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children -- sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

Guys like the chase, but they will run away if girls were to ask them out. If he is afraid to ask, then what does that say about him? Insecure and unconfident. That’s not attractive. I like a guy that is not a wimp and is willing to take risks. If he likes a girl, then he should pursue her. Be a go getta!

I know rejection is tough. I am sure the pressure is on. However, if no one took risks, then we wouldn’t be where we are today…or have a blog for that matter. There is no way of knowing unless someone speaks up.

     My mouth is shut. :x

    

Keepin’ it real,

    Realist

The Rubber Band is in "Effect"

A girl texts a guy and he doesn’t respond. She worries that he doesn’t like her. He texts back. Now she doesn’t respond. The next day, her inbox gets one…or two…or even six messages – possibly a combination of text, voicemail, email, poke, wall post, or secret message on Facebook.

Oh, well I’ll be darned. I just got a text.

Girls, pull away like a rubber band and watch him bounce back to you. That’s all it takes to get the guy.

It’s not ignoring, but giving the guy space to want the girl and miss her. Cosmopolitan dubs this phenomenon the “rubber band effect” (“Your Secret Love Weapon”, May 2011, p. 144). “Two people in a meaningful relationship (which is the rubber band around them) who pull away from each other periodically, are bound to bounce right back into each other” ( p. 144). So that’s what it’s called!

When a guy starts to distance himself, no need to worry. Just copy him. This is not a game. Doing so restores balance and desire as signs that he needs space. “Imagine that there’s a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch… and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back to you” (p. 144). Give him space and the desire comes back…and so does he.

     This has happened to me countless of times! Months and weeks will go by from not hearing from a guy. Then all of a sudden, there he is! This applies to exs, hookups, and crushes. The rubber band effect never fails! I have even predicted to the Disbeliever when a certain guy will make his rounds again. And I was right! Either guys are just so predictable or I am psychic.

I am all for giving a guy space. I need mine, too. I don’t see distance as a negative. I am not going to cry if I don’t see him for one week. My vag might, but it can shut its piehole.

The article breaks down the three stages of relationships where a guy could lose interest if a girl appears to be too available.

Stage One: Just Met Five Minutes Ago

Ditch him. “In other words, the harder he has to work for you, the more he wants you,” according to Allen Berger, PhD, author of Love Secrets Revealed. Men like to be on the prowl. Rawr.

Stage Two: Dating for a Couple of Months

This is a crucial stage because the relationship can sink or swim in which both parties are pondering if the other person is boyfriend/girlfriend material. The difference is that men need time apart to decide how they feel, whereas women want to spend more time with their man to decide. “For him to figure out his feelings, he needs to have the opportunity to realize how amazingly lucky he is to have you around,” said relationship expert Daniel Ellenberg (p. 146). Give the man some space! Ladies, keep busy! Tell him what's happening, but don’t mention when the next hangout will be. If he wants to be included, he needs to keep in contact.

Stage Three: In It for the Long Haul

If the guy makes it to this stage and doesn’t run away at stage two, then I am impressed. There will still be some distance here and there, but it is natural because he still needs that chase. Mirror him. If the guy is busy pimping his ride, then the girl should do something she enjoys, too. “As you direct all your attention to the other areas of your life, it gives him the opportunity to ‘compete’ for you again,” said evolutionary biologist Evelyn Moalem, MD, PhD (p. 147). “If you’ve been happily occupied and he’s had a chance to miss you, being together will feel as exciting and fulfilling when you first met.”

The takeaway is to pull away.

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist

You're W~E~I~R~D!

This morning I woke up with a text from that guy that looked me up in the phone book. My father likes to call him "The Freeloader"! This fact has yet to be determined. I don't know a thing about the guy, besides his first and last name.
He said, "Sorry for calling you. I meant to call Kim." (Insert last name of another girl we graduated with from high school.)
I said, "OK... " (How do you respond to that?) Really?
"I was just cracking a joke," he said. How am I supposed to know that? Way to go, you jokester!
Your joking shines through over a text message. It can be compared to the sun's rays on the beach. NOT!

I know I may come off super critical. Then again most people just think their thoughts. They don't post them on a blog for the world to read. I'll admit to being critical, but grow a set man! He also said sorry for pushing the hangout issue. He apologizes way too much. I find it annoying. I'm not attracted at all with a lack of confidence and insecure men. It is the biggest turn off!

I also defriended a guy today. He told me to give up already. If I don't specifically ask for your opinion, then keep your mouth shut. You are not funny!!! He said it other times as well.

Signing out the bitter one!!! Bitter or keeping it real? Your choice. Not that I care about your opinion! :)

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

What Am I looking for in a man?

I will put it out there so it is crystal clear!
At one point I had a list of over 200 qualities. I shortened it down to 103 over time. Yes, I'm not expecting to find EVERYTHING on the list. Life is all about give and take, but some points are non-negotiable.
I don't settle for less than the best. So praise to you if you get though the list!

1. Funny
2. Unique laugh
3. Great sense of style
4. Laugh at himself
5. Knows how to change oil
6. Broad taste in music
7. Full head of hair
8. Nice eyes
9. Taller than me
10. Nice teeth
11. Non-Smoker
12. Drug-Free
13. Dog person
14. Boxer-briefs
15. Good job/Normal working hours
16. Nice feet
17. Minimal body hair
18. In shape
19. Can cook
20. Neat
21. Has class
22. Likes going out
23. Likes roller coasters
24. Likes the beach
25. Enjoys travel time!
26. Inspires me to be better
27. Can spell better than me
28. Finaces in order
29. Change flats
30. Great kisser
31. Great in the sack
32. Calls more than texts
33. Willing to commit
34. Likes live music
35. Between (25-32 yrs)
36. Has eyes only for me
37. Can stay in and watch movies
38. Childless
39. Optimistic
40. Likes to cuddle
41. I fit in with his family
42. Good crew of friends
43. Accept "Kim" time
44. Runs
45. Cares about fitness
46. Skis/snowboards
47. Safe driver
48. Can admit mistakes
49. Likes to BBQ
50. Over "exs"
51. Close with family
52. Man of his word
53. Helpful
54. Listens
55. Shows emotion
56. Loud/clear talker
57. College grad (3.0)
58. Strong mental/physical
59. Handy man
60. Good massager
61. Clean shaven
62. Good skin (complexion and coloring)
63. 1st marriage
64. Clean nails
65. Easy to get along with
66. Compliments me
67. Fun to be around
68. Good breath
69. Enjoys :)
70. Daily showers
71. Enjoys life
72. Likes the outdoors
73. Keeps the past in the past
74. Good communicator
75. Acts his age
76. Plans dates
77. Remembers my birthday and holidays
78. Goal oriented
79. Looks in the mirror (max four times per day)
80. Believes in God
81. Church attender
82. Quiet sleeper
83. Willing to spend
84. Knows drinking limits
85. Limited porn collection
86. Can load/unload dishwasher
87. Thick one
88. Affectionate
89. Heterosexual
90. Trusting
91. I like his last name
92. Compromiser
93. Down to Earth
94. Learns from mistakes
95. Quick witted
96. Nice haircut
97. Sexy phone voice
98. I take more time getting ready than him
99. Even temper
100. Hates politics
101. Likes Java/Java approves
102. Healthy eater
103. Circumcised

That sums up my personal dating list. I usually don't share it with many people. I think all single people need one. I heard about it on Oprah. That is how I thought of the idea. It isn't that drastic with the qualities. I always compare how guys add up to "The List." So all you random texters, Facebook pokers, and emailers please tell me how many of these qualities you posses next time you hit it up!

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

What a reader sent us today!

From one of our fans:
Hi blogger ladies,

Something strange happened to two of my friends on the same day, both of whom were scheduled for first (blind) dates via online dating. Both guys contacted them on the day of or before the date saying something to the effect of "I met someone/ex-gf over the weekend and it looks like we're getting back together. So I'm canceling our date." After verifying that this was not indeed the same guy blowing off two different girls, it begs the question - ARE THEY DUMPING US BEFORE THEY EVEN MEET US? All though we had a laugh over email, this is just nuts! Thought it might be a fun blog topic. Oh the joys of online dating :)

Disbeliever writes:
I agree that this is a definite fun topic to write about. The first thing I thought while reading it is that it has to be the same guy! How do you really verify for a fact? Maybe he has four different phones: a business line, a personal line, and two different online dating phones.
I don't put anything past guys these days! Tell your friends no need to fret. These guys are what we call Netglows. Urban Dictionary sent this word to my phone today. I immediately thought of online dating.

What is a Netglow?
The answer to the question is something or someone that is better online than in real life. They made themselves out to be fortune 500 top executives online. In actuality, they are playing video games in their mother's basement.

Avoid online dating like the plague. Close out your accounts! Your time will come when you least expect it.

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

Try this Move at the Beach & Am I too Young for This?

From Cosmo:

Erotic Instructions:

When you and your guy are swimming, make your way to chest-high water and stand face-to-face. Hold on to his shoulders as you jump up and wrap your legs tightly around his thighs. Have him cradle your butt with both hands to keep you propped up as he enters you. The water will make you weightless so you can easily glide back and forth.

Carnal Challenge

Which beach are you guys at that NO other people are around?
Plus aren't you worried around sea creatures swimming up your vag? Plus salt water would sting!
I'd definitely walk away with some type of infection after this move!

Am I too young for this? I got this email today.
Join Linda L. Allen, renowned spiritual counselor/psychic and popular host of "Beyond the Veil," on ask1radio.com, at CRAVE Lounge June 5, 2011 5:30-7:30. Linda will be hosting a 2-hour event exploring Love, Relationships and How to Find your Soul Mate. Admission fee is ONLY $25. Participants will enjoy a free buffet and free admission into the Affinity Singles dance party immediately following the event.

Linda L. Allen, "The Psychic Matchmaker," entertains audiences with her humor, her paranormal gift, and her keen insights into complex and often perplexing issues of LOVE! During this dynamic two-hour presentation, Linda will share her intuitive gift and answer your personal relationship questions. 

Problem solved: she can just give me the name of the guy I'm going to marry and where I have to be to meet him. I'll never have to date again! Winning!

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7

Ring...Ring...Ring...The sequel

"It" came in the mail today perfectly "calligraphied"....
My cousin's wedding invitation! It is funny because it came addressed as:
(Insert my name here & Guest)... Once again I will not be bringing a guest.
Plus one girl. That is it!
No, family I'm not gay. I'm not hiding something.
Even if a man was in the picture, I would never take him to a family wedding! Way too serious of a thing to bring a guest to a family wedding!
The family starts assuming you're the next in line. Is this guy the one?
Finally! She found someone!

I definitely don't mind being single at all. It is great! I just hate when all the old people start running their mouths. I don't know if I ever will get married. You marry a guy and that is when they become fat and lazy! Always keep them on their toes! You want to be able to run away at any moment. Weddings are NOT for everyone. That is why 50% of them end in divorce. If I ever get married mine will not end in divorce. I'm super cautious about everything. That is why I don't even have a boyfriend. Why settle for something not right for you?

If I do get married I can't picture myself going though all this trouble for one day. I'm sure it is exciting while planning. At least people try to make it seem that way. The engagement party; fittings; the place; the band; the church; the menu; the seating charts; the flowers; the bridal party; the bridal party gifts; the favors; the flowers; the entertainment; the bachelor/bachelorette; the bridal shower; the rehearsal dinner; and the cake.

THE DRAMA!!!!! You know there is drama! Mainly between the bridesmaids with each other and the bridemaids vs. the bride. The term "bridezilla" does not exist for no reason. After it is all said and done the newly married couple runs away from it all. Finally let's get away! The planning is over! YESSSSSSS!!!  Ok honey, now let's bang for a week straight.

Don't worry friends, family, and peers. If "The Big Day" ever happens for me, it will be low key. I always thought the idea of getting married in Vegas is super sexy. It is all about me and my future husband to be: AKA Husband Question Mark.
Why have all these other people involved in my thing? I don't like to share the spotlight.
Although, I love my church, so I'm kind of torn about that. Not sure.
I have all the time in the world being that I have no suitable prospects right now! The world is mine!

Note* I know calligraphied is NOT a word I made it up!
That is the beauty of being an author of your own blog.

<3 Disbeliever disbelieving 24/7