The Rubber Band is in "Effect"

A girl texts a guy and he doesn’t respond. She worries that he doesn’t like her. He texts back. Now she doesn’t respond. The next day, her inbox gets one…or two…or even six messages – possibly a combination of text, voicemail, email, poke, wall post, or secret message on Facebook.

Oh, well I’ll be darned. I just got a text.

Girls, pull away like a rubber band and watch him bounce back to you. That’s all it takes to get the guy.

It’s not ignoring, but giving the guy space to want the girl and miss her. Cosmopolitan dubs this phenomenon the “rubber band effect” (“Your Secret Love Weapon”, May 2011, p. 144). “Two people in a meaningful relationship (which is the rubber band around them) who pull away from each other periodically, are bound to bounce right back into each other” ( p. 144). So that’s what it’s called!

When a guy starts to distance himself, no need to worry. Just copy him. This is not a game. Doing so restores balance and desire as signs that he needs space. “Imagine that there’s a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch… and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back to you” (p. 144). Give him space and the desire comes back…and so does he.

     This has happened to me countless of times! Months and weeks will go by from not hearing from a guy. Then all of a sudden, there he is! This applies to exs, hookups, and crushes. The rubber band effect never fails! I have even predicted to the Disbeliever when a certain guy will make his rounds again. And I was right! Either guys are just so predictable or I am psychic.

I am all for giving a guy space. I need mine, too. I don’t see distance as a negative. I am not going to cry if I don’t see him for one week. My vag might, but it can shut its piehole.

The article breaks down the three stages of relationships where a guy could lose interest if a girl appears to be too available.

Stage One: Just Met Five Minutes Ago

Ditch him. “In other words, the harder he has to work for you, the more he wants you,” according to Allen Berger, PhD, author of Love Secrets Revealed. Men like to be on the prowl. Rawr.

Stage Two: Dating for a Couple of Months

This is a crucial stage because the relationship can sink or swim in which both parties are pondering if the other person is boyfriend/girlfriend material. The difference is that men need time apart to decide how they feel, whereas women want to spend more time with their man to decide. “For him to figure out his feelings, he needs to have the opportunity to realize how amazingly lucky he is to have you around,” said relationship expert Daniel Ellenberg (p. 146). Give the man some space! Ladies, keep busy! Tell him what's happening, but don’t mention when the next hangout will be. If he wants to be included, he needs to keep in contact.

Stage Three: In It for the Long Haul

If the guy makes it to this stage and doesn’t run away at stage two, then I am impressed. There will still be some distance here and there, but it is natural because he still needs that chase. Mirror him. If the guy is busy pimping his ride, then the girl should do something she enjoys, too. “As you direct all your attention to the other areas of your life, it gives him the opportunity to ‘compete’ for you again,” said evolutionary biologist Evelyn Moalem, MD, PhD (p. 147). “If you’ve been happily occupied and he’s had a chance to miss you, being together will feel as exciting and fulfilling when you first met.”

The takeaway is to pull away.

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist