“Ms. Independent.” It’s been said by many a rapper and hip hop artist. It’s also been said by an ex. I dumped him right then. Over text. I was bored at work. I needed some entertainment.
I love taking personality assessments. I question the validity of these quizzes, especially if they are in magazines such as Cosmopolitan. I decided to take a test in “Decode your Love Style” (June 2011). The article said that people are usually one of three “romantic types”-- avoidant, anxious, and secure. These types are based off a personality theory, called attachment theory. While this is mostly applied to the parent-child bond, it is also applicable to couples. The Disbeliever and I both scored “avoidant.” We are Ms. Independents! Even though I scored a perfect score for “avoidant,” I do not identify with it after reading the description.
I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I love myself. J I never went through a boyfriend’s phone, even if it was right in front of me. I do not put my relationship status on Facebook, whether I am single or not. No one needs to know! I do not mope if I don’t see my man on a weekly basis. I have my friends! Based on these characteristics, I am definitely the avoidant type. “You are all about doing things on your own and enjoy calling the shots” (p. 127). The first part (before “and”) is true, but not the rest of it. “You worry that being committed to someone will mean a loss of independence,” (p. 128). I don’t feel “hot and cold” and I don’t distance myself when I feel “overwhelmed” or when I can’t stick to my “agenda”. I don’t crave the freedom. I still act like my own person, but I am not going to shove the guy away if he wants to join in on the fun (with the exception of girl’s night out). I also don’t have a hard time compromising and I don’t cut people off. I let them talk.
For the secure type, I scored three out of six. My friends come to me for relationship advice; I’ve had my share of flings and long-term relationships; and I like to take turns in picking what to do and I am open to suggestions. Here’s the real me: “When it comes to being in love, you have a serious advantage— for the most part, you are even-keeled and emotionally available and have faith that love can last” (p. 129). The article continues to explain that I am “very comfortable” with who I am (yes) and that I “don’t think of love as something that has to be dramatic or difficult.”
Women in this category also have a “low-key attitude about arguing,” which may come across as ambivalence. This is def accurate. My arguing style is silence, but it comes across as if I don't care. I just don't like wasting time being angry! I tend to avoid conflict, but I need to face it. I just like to be drama-free! “Your chill persona allows him to maintain that sense of independence that’s so important to this type. However, you do need to know when to call him on the BS” (p. 129). I sure will!
The validity of these quizzes is questionable, as evidenced from my results. It should not be taken to heart. Everyone dabbles in a few of these love styles— anxious, avoidant, and secure. All that matters is that I am secure with myself. J
Keepin’ it real,
Realist
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