Why are men generally afraid of the big c word called "commitment"?
While reading my second bible yesterday, (Cosmopolitan) a magnificent point was brought up. When a relationship ends for me, I have a 2,000 girlfriend support system to run to. We talk about:
All the things the guy did wrong.
How I could do better.
What an ass the guy is!
We talk about basically everything! Nothing is off limits!
What does a guy have? Does a guy ever talk to another male about being upset over a girlfriend? Highly unlikely. Most guys macho it up. They are lacking my support system. Are they thinking, If I settle down and get dumped that would suck? Let me stick it in anything with a vagina? It is better to not get attached. I really don't know, but at least it is a semi explanation of why these men act the way they do.
Another misconception~
I'm 26! No, I'm not looking to get married!
Maybe that scares them as well. I know I'm technically at the marriage age. I have some married friends, but I'm definitely NOT looking for that type of commitment at this stage in my life!
So ladies and gents, what is the big deal about the "C" word?
"K" the Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7
From a psychological standpoint, males are afraid of commitment because it is too restricting or controlling. Generally, males do not like to be told what to you. The age when many girls are seriously ready for (in their 20's) is much earlier than when guys are typically ready for the "c" word. When guys are ready to commit, they go all in. I do not know how to tell when they are ready, but it is one of those things when you "just know."
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience, my ex was totally confused. I had to tell him that it sounds like he does not know what he wants. While we were dating, he did not think of it becoming anything more. This scared him, because as we approached the one-year mark, he freaked out! (I have terrible luck when it comes to 11 months. They all disappear.) He was thinking, This sounds like a commitment. He was not ready for it. This got me very mad. I said, "You mean that you did not see this lasting very long, like a year?" This shows his immaturity. Guys who are not ready to commit, are just thinking in the present moment. They do not think long-term. Long-term=commitment.
Also, I agree with you on the misconception that the older a woman is, that means she wants to get married. I also think that my breakup had to do with this myth. I was a few years older than him. He probably thought that I wanted to get married. I never brought up the marriage talk. In fact, I never have. Just don't do it. It really irks me that they think I want to get married as well. I feel like telling a guy on the first date, "Don't freak out-- I am not looking for marriage now!"
Commitment isn't really the same thing as marriage. Of course to have a marriage you need commitment. But to have commitment you don't need to get or be married. Marriage is a big stepping stone in life. It's really a whole new chapter.
ReplyDeletePersonally from a male standpoint, I have no intention of getting married yet at 25. Before doing that I want to have a set plan in place, in terms of finances and stability. People don't realize that when you get married responsibility increases dramatically. It's a totally different situation. With this said, commitment is fine, but marriage has to wait.