My Little Secret

    I don’t understand why guys keep me a secret. It’s shady and not only disrespectful to me, but to their girlfriends! I really liked this guy that I’ll call Shady. He was cute, smart, kinky, athletic, and we had a lot in common. He would be the first older guy that I’d date! I think he also liked me as evidenced by his flirtatious behavior, sexual comments, and butt smacking. This pattern has been going on for two years. I was waiting for him to make the move.

It was raining one night when Shady and I left the gym. He followed me to my car to give him a ride to his dorm. We sat in my car talking for over an hour. He probably wanted to see if I would make a move. He was poking me and stuff… the usual. I wish I could have just asked him what is going on, but I think guys should bring that up. I wasn’t sure if he had a girlfriend. By his actions, I did not think he had one. I tested him by asking if he would be my date to my cousin’s wedding. He said, “OK. I have to ask my mom if we are doing anything for graduation.” The wedding was the same day of graduation.  

I hung out with him once outside the gym for once at a bar with his friend and my friend. My friend and I arrived at the bar and sat down at their table. Shady completely ignored me and was macking it to some girl who he brought along. She didn’t show any interest in him. When she took her random bathroom trips, he asked his gym buddy Dave (I started to like him) if he thinks that she “wants a piece.” Dave just went along with it. Shady and the girl ended up exchanging numbers. She went home on her own and left early.

When she left, Shady finally saw that I was sitting in front of him. Hello! I noticed a difference between the way Shady interacted with that girl and me. With me, he was more himself. With her, he was more reserved and was doing the lame interview (boring). We had more fun when she left. Shady wanted to hang out again.

I was getting frustrated over his teasing. The attraction was there, but I was getting aggravated because nothing was happening! He wasn’t making moves. Now I know the reason of why it was all flirting, or lusting, as he nicely put it one day over barbells.

“I lust, not love.”

“That’s not good.”

“I know. That’s why I just settle for stability and be miserable.”

The clues were there, but I never saw them. I ignored them. For example, he never asked for my phone number.

Dave and I hung out a few times and Shady apparently got jealous. He called Dave on the phone and Dave let me talk to Shady. Shady did not know I was on the phone. Shady said, “Stop being a dick-“ I said, “Hello?” Shady asked who it is and then I asked who I am talking to (as if I did not hear him express jealousy). Shady said, “It’s your boyfriend.” Yay! I guess he’s single!

I did not see Shady for a while until graduation. He completely ignored me. I expected the usual greeting as I would guard myself from a butt smack and some raunchy comment, but all I got was “hi.” Dave was there and taking pictures of some girl posing for Shady! I bet that was his girlfriend. It was weird though because Shady and that girl were not interacting as much as I would expect a couple to do.

    The last time I saw Shady and Dave was probably a month after graduating. They were in the pool at the gym. Shady squinted his eyes and asked if that was me standing there. I joined their lane. He was all over me. His legs were wrapped around me and he tried to dunk me in the water. I told him to get off and he said, “You know you like me.” I said, “I can’t stand you.” I hate mind games! Then he wanted to catch up so we talked about what has happened since graduating. He got a job and now lives in NYC at some college. I doubt I’ll ever see him again.

I invited Dave to the same bar that we went to, along with my friend and her man. We had a good time and talked until almost 4 a.m. after the bar closed! I thought it went well and that we would hang out again. He and Shady are very similar, except Dave is a tad more respectful, but still talks dirty. Somehow Dave started to talk about Shady. Dave said that Shady’s girlfriend loves him to death, but that he asks stupid. Shady lives in his dorm and his girlfriend probably lives in New York, so they rarely see each other. Shady probably acts like a man slut because “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.” Apparently Shady picked out the ring that his girlfriend of six years wanted. Dave said that Shady is mainly with her because she is stable and has good job. Here’s to years of misery for him! He got what he wanted.

So the truth was out. It took Dave to make me realize that Shady is Shady! Shady couldn’t tell me. I was shocked. But it was all making sense. I just kept thinking that with all these years of flirting, raunchy comments, and butt smacking, that he had a girlfriend for six years and not once was her name mentioned!

I felt so bad for his girlfriend, but I also felt like crap. I really liked Shady and I thought there was something there. As he said, he lusted over me. Truly he does not love his girlfriend. If he did, he would not have acted so lewd toward me. I am appalled at how he cannot feel any guilt! The poor girl! Either they will get a divorce, or Shady will just deal with it for the stability. If only she knew…

I never heard from Dave since the day we hung out at the bar. He never responded to my texts asking to hang out. I think Shady told Dave that he cannot hang out or date me because I would find out that Shady had a girlfriend. They are really close friends and if Dave and I were dating, we would definitely hang out with Shady and his girlfriend. Shady would have to keep his girlfriend a secret by not inviting her out. That sounds like something that I have been through! Imagine if I acted as if I had no idea that Shady had a girlfriend!

This is the second time where I have been kept a secret by a guy. In this case, Shady’s girlfriend was the secret from me, and I was the secret from her. My other dating experience includes being nonexistent for almost one year! The age of these two guys doesn’t matter. Even though one was younger and the other was older, they both acted shady!

I don’t know why I seem to be cursed with being the secret. Am I too good to reveal? I hate being kept a secret!

Keep it real!

 ~Realist