Poll time! Dipping your pen in the company ink

I had this brilliant idea to post this poll on Facebook and use my massive number of connections to provide data which would help me write something brilliant and epic.  But the poll apps on Facebook suck the big one.  Poo on them.


So, here is the poll!  Tell me what you think about dating someone at work.





I'm a little on the fence on this subject. I might write more after the poll results come in, but here are some initial thoughts:


1. You have to see him all the time.
2. Your co-workers will inevitably find out and you will be the subject of hard-core gossip.
3. If it doesn’t work out… see #1.


On the other hand,


1. You get to see him all the time.
2. You spend so much time at work and there are so many people there, it would be foolish to not take advantage of that candidate pool.
3. Lots in common to start a conversation.

So vote!  And comment if you have stories to share.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

The Mall...Not Just for Clothes

A good place to "male hunt" is to hit up the mall on a Saturday night.
No, you are not 17 anymore, but read on with an open mind.

Top 10 reason to shop for men at the mall:

1. I was impressed by what I saw last night.Yes, be prepared to sift though the children, but among them are suitable prospects.

2. Everyone needs clothes! Your guy will be a candidate for best dressed being spotted at the mall on a Friday or Saturday night.

3. They are helpless shoppers! No matter what, they could all use the added nudge that their purchases will look "nice" on them...
Tip* Replace nice with HOT if you are sure no girfriend/wife/wifey/baby's mom is around. Although if a baby's mom is around, RUN!

4. Choose from one or three! Guys will shop either solo or in threes.
Tip* If you see two hot males together they are most likely gay.

5. Malls close by 9:30.
If you hit it off at the mall you can have a date right after!

6. They are not drunk...hopefully!

7. You can make him instantly hotter by swaying his selection choice while he's shopping.

8. What type are you looking for? You can generalize what types of guys you will find by stores. Get your business/metrosexual types at Express. If you're looking for your hip-hop cutie, hit up Champs.

9. If they are a mall employee, they have a job! Head for the upper management.

10. Even if you don't score a man, you at least have the chance of scoring a good deal on some new swag. :)

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7

Virtual Dating, Virtually Impossible

Welcome our newest contributor, Becky (nickname TBD)! We met Becky through our running club. She brings wonderful insight and material to the blog!

I hate online dating.

I’m really not a hater. But I have a theory about how the average man conducts his online date hunt. He puts together a profile (with varying amounts of eloquent language and spelling and grammatical errors, some of which I can overlook and some of which I can’t). Then he puts together a message that he can use when he comes across a girl that he likes. So without thinking too hard about it, he scrolls through pictures of girls and when he sees a cute one that he likes, he can just copy/paste the message he composed in an email to her, as if it’s his tried-and-true pickup line that he may have used for years, but he’s too lazy to change his game, so he sticks with it. This is sort of like taking your resume and whoring it out wherever you can in an effort to play the numbers game to find a job—thinking that at least a percentage of the ones you send out will call you for an interview. So the more you send out the better, right?

So guys-- does that actually work for you?

There’s a reason why I have developed this theory.  I have tried just about every dating website out there, and oftentimes I try one for a few months, realize how ridiculous the entire method of meeting people is, give up on it, and several months later go back and try it again, either forgetting how bad the experience was, hoping this time it will be better, or just thinking that nothing else is working so I should at least be doing something proactively.  And I get these kinds of messages all the time.

They always look something like this:  “Hi, my name is Joe.  I really liked your profile and would love to get to know you better.”  Often that’s it, although sometimes he adds a little plug, like “I like to work out, I’m successful at my job, I have my own house and love my dog and family, and I like to go out to eat.”  How original.  (On a side note for entertainment value, I got one the other day that added at the end “I hope you write back because I joined this website just because I saw your profile and wanted to send you a message.” 

Wow, I’m pretty gullible, but even I didn’t believe that one. Maybe I’m a little cynical, but every once in a while I’ve checked out these guys’ profiles after reading their messages, and if they’re not a complete psycho or leper, I’ll agree to meet them.  They usually turn out to be the most boring people ever. I chug my coffee hoping it will speed along the date so I can escape the horribly snooze-worthy conversation, and amazingly he thinks it was the best date ever and he suggests that we go out for dinner, or keep the date going somehow.  No thanks.  Are these the only kind of people who are online? Good grief, what would that say about me?

In an effort to put this theory to the test and hope that I can cut the problem off at the pass, I became very transparent in my online dating approach. I wrote right in my profile, “Do not send me a generic message that just says ‘I like your profile and want to get to know you,’ because you could have written that to anyone.  I am not likely to write you back unless you actually start a conversation! I put all this information about myself in my profile, so why don’t you tell me what we have in common or start a conversation in a natural way?” Shockingly, the volume of messages overall that I receive has not decreased, nor has the proportion of them that are copy/paste. This leads to strengthening the part of my hypothesis that states that guys do not read profiles.  Well, great.

So if a guy has no skills in his approach and doesn’t read a word of what I write anyway, how am I supposed to find one worth talking to? Let’s turn to the guys’ profiles. One would think this profile method would be a tremendous opportunity to be selective, and an efficient way to drill down to exactly what you want. I mean, when you have an entire database of candidates, hundreds or even thousands of guys deep, you might expect to be able to specify insignificant, yet fun details like age, height, and weight, and get a list of guys matching that criteria, among whom you could simply select some that have some common interests and are easy on the eyes.  Right?  Right?  Nope. 

Online dating doesn’t work that way.  That’s because the information in a person’s profile has nothing to do with the actual truth and everything to do with what that person had to say about himself.  Which could be an outright lie, or an exaggeration, or, less dramatically but far more common, simply unimportant.  The information that most people (and this isn’t only guys, just to be fair) put things in their profiles doesn’t really matter, like how much they like their job, or that they like dogs and eating out. Seriously?  How about you just say that you like to kick small puppies, trip old people in the middle of the street, and pig out on lard and packets of Splenda because at least that would be original.

We don’t really know ourselves very well.  Even if we’re very in tune with our own souls, we can’t possibly articulate who we are at the core in a few little paragraphs on a stupid website. So again, I ask you, how am I supposed to know if I would really get along with Greg who plays soccer and has lived in Jersey his whole life, or Matt who works out in a gym and has a job as a financial trader, or Pete who just got out of the military and lives with his parents and likes to go to the beach on the weekend? I could just agree to go out with everyone, but I don’t have the time for that, and I just don’t have the energy to try that hard.

The catch-22 for me is that I don’t like to meet guys in bars. It feels cheap and dirty somehow, and I get the feeling that the only people there are either drunk 22-year-olds or 45-year-old greasy biker guys. At least in that situation I can get a sense for if that guy is easy to talk to, if we have a certain chemistry, and whether or not he is completely creepy or psycho before I agree to spend an hour having coffee with him. Meeting a stranger in person may mean that I know absolutely nothing about him, but I would rather make a judgment call on how I get along with someone based on a short conversation with him than on reading that he likes to eat out. Maybe that’s just me.

I know, I know, the best thing for me to do is to put myself in more situations where I can meet the kind of guy I’m looking for, right? By getting involved in more activities that I like to do, or striking up conversations with guys in bookstores or something (do people really pick up guys in bookstores?). I work hard, and then I go for a run and make dinner and by that point I’m usually tired and just relax for a bit and then go to bed. I know very few people in this entire state, so I wouldn’t have people to go out with on the weekend anyway (oh, except that I forgot I don’t like to do the bar/club scene to pick up guys). So I ask you, what is a nice girl from the Midwest (who is no longer in her 20s) who is painfully shy but has a lot to offer the right guy, supposed to do to navigate the dating world that is so full of weirdoes? Is there a book called “The Art of Bookstore Seduction”? I don’t want your pity, or anyone else’s. But there has to be a happy medium between online dating and the bar.  If I figure out where that is, that’s where I’ll be. All eligible bachelors will have to meet me there.

Swinging Penis

I went to his class yesterday...
He had on loose pants and it wasn't swinging.

Just so you all know...

I also believe he asked a girl to stay after class.
Must be for extra credit. ;)

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7

Expo Time

Expos. It’s the time when weird vendors stare at me from across the way. It’s the time when show goers pay for an overpriced outing to meander and look at useless stuff. And hit on me while I am working.

One elder asked me about the eligibility of the promotion. I said anyone 21 and over may fill out the form. He thought I was 22 years old.(God bless him.) I can’t believe that he was flirting with me as his 12 year-old daughter was watching. What a horrible role model! At least get it right or don’t even bother! I hope she learns better strategies from someone else!

He twisted the rules around because his daughter wanted to go on the tip, but he did not want any kids around. He said that he and I can go on the trip together since we are over 21. She really wanted to go, but he said she can’t because she is too young. That is not what I said though. Anyone can go on the trip. Just the person filling out the form must be at least 21. To extend his stay, he filled out a form for his friend, who shortly came thereafter. That was another five minutes. What would normally take someone 42 seconds to fill out, it took 10 minutes. There should be a time limit on completing these forms.

While he was signing his name, dotting every “i” and crossing every “t”, his daughter asked me if it’s true that she would not be allowed on the trip because she is too young. The only thing she is too young for is that blue makeup that she wore under her eye…and boys. I did not wear makeup until I was in high school, when I learned how to put it on right. I had my first boyfriend in junior year of high school. It was actually the best relationship I’ve ever had, which says a lot about the dating world and the quality of men now. How times have changed.

After I told the girl the truth, she grabbed her dad’s arm and said she can go on the trip. He looked at me, looked at her, sighed, and played it off as a huge misunderstanding. “I guess you have to come then,” he said.

She can take my place.

I would never go with this guy to begin with. I do not know him. I don’t even know his name. He has a daughter. He is divorced. He is old. I am closer in age to his daughter! Above all, he has nasty teeth! His mouth looked like a fan— a gap between every tooth. All of these things are disqualifiers!

That is why he is ineligible.

Is it time to leave yet?

 Keepin’ it real,

    Realist

50 reasons why white men are like a canvas...blank!

While at work, the Disbeliever and I collaborated on making a list of 50 reasons why white men are just so blah.

***Please read the disclaimer to the left of this post (especially the first point) before reading our entries. That’s why it’s there.

From our experience and observations, whites (are, have):

1.      Not funny

2.      Dull

3.      Dry sense of humor

4.      Crappy personality

5.      Less romantic

6.      Less sexy (gifts, in bed)

7.      Less respectful of women and their moms

8.      Monotone, no accent

9.      Spiky hair is out

10.  Does not look good bald (only blacks can rock it)

11.  Lacks sense of style (they all shop at Aeropostale and A&F— striped button-down shirts)

12.  Lacks life skills/responsibilities

13.  Needy

14.  Lacks confidence

15.  Low self-esteem

16.  No game

17.  More psychological problems (fact)

18.  Hard working

19.  Less persistent

20.  Less direct (does not play mind games)

21.  Narrow musical taste (rock, techno)

22.  Individualistic (everything is about “me”)

23.  Act superior

24.  Less family-oriented

25.  Do not know how to talk dirty

26.  Can’t dance

27.  Only like sports that have “status” (golf, tennis, football, hockey)

28.  Weird hobbies (hunting, fishing)

29.  Dorky

30.  Controlling

31.  Snobby

32.  Dominant

33.  Boring to hang out with

34.  No manners

35.  Ignorant

36.  Can’t sing

37.  Goes to bars and smokes

38.  Impatient

39.  Pretentious

40.  Boring, same names

41.  Does not know how to treat ladies

42.  Lacks street smarts

43.  Not that great in bed

44.  Too formal

45.  Does not know how to have “down time”

46.  Often needs drinks in order to have fun

47.  Not sure what they want

48.  Do not have their own dictionary (urbandictionary.com)

49.  Not that friendly, especially to strangers

50.  Small weens

Disbelieving 24/7 while keepin’ it real,

      Disbeliever & Realist

My Taste in Guys is Delicious

If dating yearbooks existed, I would have been dubbed “most transformed.” Ask the Disbeliever. I used to want to date only white men. I thought my parents would have a fit if I brought home a Spanish man. But my taste in men did a 360. I am no longer attracted to white guys.

To test what my mom would say if I did date a non-white, I asked her what she would do if I were dating a Span. To my surprise, she said she doesn’t care! I was sooooo shocked! Unless she would only be OK with me dating one like Enrique because I always tell her he’s my ideal piece of meat.

I just find non-whites so intriguing (my fave word). I look at white guys and I feel nothing. The first word that comes to mind is “dull.” I don’t know them, but my first impression is “nothing great.” My opinion is that they don’t have much a personality. Bars are their bedrooms. They bore me. I know that not all whites are crappy. I just haven’t found one that adds that spice to my life. Quite frankly, I’d rather have pepper over salt. Yummy.

I have acquired a taste for all races except Indian or Asian. Working at the basketball games and spending a lot of time in my new hood has swayed me from liking whites to colored men. The more that I am exposed to a certain type of people, the more I like them.

     The Disbeliever and I walked the streets of the hood one day at night for one hour to browse some hot spots. We got soooo much attention! I do not get that in my hometown. The population was Hispanic. Within just 10 minutes of walking on the street, we got about 10 honks! One guy was following me in his car and would stop on the sidewalk to talk! He spoke poor English and wanted us to go to the bar with him in his car. We said we'd walk there and meet him. I was covered in a huge jacket and it was dark, so I do not know what he saw in me that was attractive. We love the hood though. It's like a vacation!

    These are the type of people that I want to hang out with after work and just get crazy with! It looks like they know how to have fun. They are lively, yet chill. There is something exotic about imports. They come from a different background than me. They know things that I don’t know. They have experienced what I haven’t. They have been places where my feet haven’t. That’s what intrigues me.  

The Spans and B’s that I see at work are soooooo irresistible, especially this angelic employee at the arena whom the Disbeliever and I always stare at! (She can thank me for speaking up first.) Everyone likes him— and he knows it. He exudes such confidence in the way he walks. He knows he’s hot stuff. It does not come off as conceited though. He pulls it off very well! I have never seen such a hot black man before. He is the epitome of “perfect.” He has not one flaw! I want to see him in a Calvin Klein underwear billboard. My eyes just bug out and my heart stops beating. If a man can do that to me, he can do whatever else he wants!

As long as he isn't white.

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist

Wear the Uki Outfit and Heads Turn

 My work uniform is simple, yet dull. To add some pizzazz, I wore my traditional Ukrainian costume to work. I haven’t worn it since elementary school. I knew it would make heads turn, especially since it made some guy driving do a 90-degree head turn and laugh! The second I put on my babushka (head scarf), which is like a star on top of a Christmas tree (it’s not complete without it), I thought this guy was going to crash with his reaction! He kept staring and laughing! From there on, I knew that the Uki outfit would be a hit!

I am wearing a babushka, which indicates that I am taken! But that does not stop the men from pursuing this Uke.

After receiving such positive feedback, I should wear it out more often! It’s really intricate and it is so in for the spring season! The top is embroidered by hand. For the sake of the Flower Show that I worked, I wore my flowery skirt (it is meant to be worn if for Uki girls under 12 years old).

As I walked into the expo, I felt all eyes on me. I thought people would laugh at me. Contrary to my assumption, people were actually very accepting— and complimenting! In my multicultural experiment, I felt like a foreigner trying to make money in an American-dominated setting. I did not feel judged and I was treated fairly. So many people came up to me, saying that they are Uki or that they know that my outfit is Ukrainian! It felt good to have strangers identify with my ethnicity. I didn't realize there are so many Ukes! Ukes unite!

Of course, there are the old men that I always get at expos. I did not think they would find me attractive. I am covered! Wearing a babushka means that a woman is married. But that did not stop theelds. One vendor would go out of his way to walk past me. There is a much quicker way to get to his booth, but he just wants to admire the Uki outfit. I was trying on some crazy hats and he wanted me to buy this oversized, teal hat because the rim was wavy and it somehow matched the ruffles on my blouse. He is an artist, so he can make those strange connections. I thought it was hideous and I would never wear that in public. Plus, it was way too big for my round loaf of bread-sized head. It’s a distinct feature of being Uki.

Another eld encounter was a British man who actually works in my town (small world). On the first day of the show, I caught him staring at me a lot. On the second day, he comes over and starts saying outrageous things with sexual innuendos. Nice to meet you, too. Perhaps the Brits just cut the crap and get on with it. He looked good for his age. That silver hair with a dark gray patch was hot. I liked looking into his blue eyes in order to avoid staring at his nasty teeth. Why do most foreigners have nasty teeth? Teeth are the first thing that I notice. If someone has nasty teeth, I will not talk to them.

Back to the eld. I was distracted by his teeth. He loved my Uki outfit and said it’s sexy. His hands would always make his way to my arm. He can’t keep his hands to himself! I guess there is no such thing as personal space in Britain. He also said some lewd jokes in that sexy British accent. I love a man with an accent (just not Asian or Indian).

The best eld encounter was caught on tape! I brought my Flip camera with me to document moments like these. This weirdo started talking nonsense to me about some mop, bed sheets, or maybe it was a grill. He was saying how cute and funny I am…the same things that I hear from every elder. He ended up giving me his business card. I will call him…to prank!

I still do not understand what it is about me that attracts the OMC. What makes them think that they have a chance with me? I wore the babushka. I am married!

Keepin’ it real,

   Realist

Ladies, get a catalog to buy a Uki blouse from Yevshan. It is a must-have in every woman's wardrobe!

Uki dancing! I am a single woman here, sans babushka. Sexy. ;)

I am signing off with some verbal and nonverbal responses of people's reactions toward my Uki outfit.

* "I love your outfit."

* "What the hell is that?"

* "You look like an illegal alien."

* "You have a Ukrainian face."

* "Ukrainian?"

* "Babushka!"

* "I love your Ukrainian...."

* "How do you say 'no thank you' in Ukrainian?"

* "I love you girls (woman hugs us). You're a mess (to me). You girls are so cute." (This vendor loves our personality and that we are always happy).

* Head nod.

* Double takes.

* Smiles.

* "What costume are you wearing? Why are you wearing that (babushka)?"

* "I like your outfit."

* "Russian?"

* "I like your shirt. It's beautiful."

* "Nice Polish girl." (There is a difference!)

* "You look like a Ukrainian."

* "Are you from PA? Amish?"

* "You look nice."

* "You should have told me you were going to wear those flowers. I would have brought me watering can." (In British accent by an eld.)

* "Ukrainian girls!"

* "What outfit is this?"

* "Don't tell me, this is Ukrainian! Is this a Ukrainian company?"

* "This is very pretty."

* "When you dress in Uki, heads turn!"

* "Hey sexy." (In British accent by an eld. Ew!)

* "All dressed up and nowhere to go."

* "Where is your Vodka?" (In British accent by an eld.)

* "You need a loaf of bread under one arms and a potato under the other." (In British accent by an eld.)

Excuse me, sir! You forgot your penis. It is over here!

So my dance instructor has this penis...
It flops around like a fish out of water..
It is like a yo-yo on a string.. In the middle of a hurricane!!!!
It is like a night crawler trying to avoid a birds beak...
It is like his junk is not attached to his body at all. His shit is always swinging.
In my entire life I never saw anything quite like it!

Us girls are constantly laughing our asses off.
We don't even know where to look.
At first, I didn't think he was wearing any underwear, but I noticed that tighty whitey line.
The problem is he wears these tight ass pants and tight ass shirts.
Ahhhh such a wonderful distraction.
Oh yeah... He is also an extreme fan of pelvic thrusts in his dancing.
I enjoy this guy's company!!! For the clencher he is as straight as an arrow!!!!
I think~

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7

216 hours later...

So POF called. texted...
I knew he would because he is my super nice and reliable.
Well, if you don't mind waiting nine days!

He wanted to know, "What was up for this weekend?"
I told him I'm going to PA.
Am I really going to PA? Nope... Why lie? He contacted me on a Thursday for weekend plans. Why not wait until Friday or Saturday... Ugh. This guy is so weird. How can he think it is okay to wait until nine days after a date to say what is up? That is NOT normal. No wonder why he is on online dating.

I'm busy Until March 22nd. I will not have a single night off to see this guy. I'm hoping he fades away because I don't really want to flat out reject him.
I hate rejecting people... What do I tell this guy?

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7

Where is he? Who is he? And what is he wearing?

While on the train yesterday all of a sudden it hit me...
Who is this man? Where is he? What is he wearing?

Mr. GQ was looking fine in his black coat, black dress pants, and bling-bling watch. However, that was not the main attraction. His scent was making every woman want to stand up and pretend the subway poles were stripper poles. He just smelled so damn good... I always stress this fact time and time again. It costs rough 80 bucks to smell good, my lads. Yes, you can try to buy the cheaper stuff, but my nose can always tell you are not sporting Yves Saint Laurent.

A good cologne is an investment well spent! Head over to Macys and buy a bottle today!

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7

Plenty of Fish Date

I went on a POF date on Tuesday night. I picked Tuesday because I will not waste a weekend night on one of these guys.

Would I date this guy again? No. We did have a lovely convo and he was super nice. Just no sparks at all. I haven't heard from him since, but this guy is super weird. He is soooo laid back. I don't even know how he wakes up in the morning. Almost like he smoked way too much illegal substances. I didn't flat out ask him if he did that. I was close though. Who really needs to ask that though? I know the answer to my question!

We went to Unos and drank two drinks.
The end... He said I'll call you soon.
I think he definitely will call in a week because that is his weird ass self.
Mr. Super Laid back will let two weeks go by because he just does not give a fuck.
Hopefully, he won't call again because then I'll have to think of something to tell him. I will continue to hope for the no call.

Here is my rating of him:
Friendlyness~ *****
Flow of convo~ ****
Face matching his profile picture~ **
Gentlemanliness~ ****
Funny~ * (I was the one making myself laugh.)
Dependable~ *

<3 Disbeliver disbelieving 24/7