Dear Former Boys (think they are "men")

Dear Former Boys of my Life,

For the New Year you can call me, text me, facebook request me, email me, or snail mail me. Whatever way you can think of getting in touch with me I will not respond. In the past, I have responded.
I did it for kicks and blog material. Now I will not respond.

Most men I have been out with lately we go on one date. I drop them because I'm bored and unentertained by their lack of enthusiasm. I have my reasoning. Unlike most people who will put up with the bullshit of dating and relationships. I do not. I would rather be single and happy than be attached to someone just to have someone.

Today I unfriended my former X's brother. No reason for us to be "friends."
It felt good and was long OVER do!

#LiftingtheLoad

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

For the New Year!!

Ladies it is so easy to get a guy! Well if it is so easy to obtain one why are you still single? I'll tell you in the following paragraph! Today I was walking down the street. A particular guy was carrying a lot of bottles of alchool down the street. I said to him, "Hey where is the party at?" Him: "You like my hat?" Me: "Yeah it is a nice hat." Him: "Go out on a date with me.." HaHa so funny true story I swear! Also I told this guy I had a man. He said who cares.

For the New Year I'm going to be more of a flirt with men. With guys I find attractive I shy away and find it hard to speak. Imagine if I DIDN'T ACT like that! Confidence is SEXY. Confidence is KEY! Of course I recognize these facts, but I have not been living them. I'm shying away from the hot ones while acttracting the NOT ones! My dating resolution is to talk to the hotties like I talk to the notties.. Be more outgoing with them instead of admiring from the distance. HaHa for people that already know me probably will be laughing. WoW she is already pretty outgoing. How can she build upon it?

It will be done and is possible. I want to obtain a hot ass man that I'd prefer to see with no clothes on over with clothing! Is that too much to ask for?

Where are the hot men at now? So hard to find sigh :(

Where do I go to look?

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

Daydream Believer

This is not really a something-happened post, so much as a what's-on-my-mind post.

So Drunk Santa has been a bit more persistent about bugging me to get together (which hasn't happened yet because I've been out of town for the holidays--patience, young grasshopper).  I'm delighted by this turn.  Maybe after New Years he'll be a little less flighty and actually make something happen.  At this point I'm just really curious to close the loop on that story, if for nothing else than some blog material.  Stay tuned on that one.

Meanwhile, drawing teacher (who will henceforth be known as Teddy Bear, since it's a better name, and I can't help but think of a teddy bear when I think of him because I always want to cuddle him) is on my mind a surprising amount.  By golly, I miss him since my class ended.  I'm not sure what the nature is of my crush, whether I miss the sparkling conversation and want to be closer friends, or if I just really crave someone to cuddle, or if it really is something else (more?).  But obviously I want to spend more time with him.  And it's obvious because when I was in Michigan, a friend pointed out to me how obvious it was that we were flirting with each other on some Facebook posts.  Hrmh.  If it's so obvious to even a complete outsider, why does this guy not ask me out?  I thought guys were more opportunistic than that.  It'll be a couple of weeks before I can go to one of his open studio sessions on Sundays, but when I do go in a couple of weeks, my plan is to take a verrrrrry long time putting my stuff away at the end, so that I'm the last one there with him.  Alone time!  Give him a comfortable risk-free environment.  And see what happens.....

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

P.S. People keep telling me that my move should be suggesting to Teddy Bear that I model nude for him, or asking him to model nude for me.  That is NOT how I roll for the first date.  For goodness sake, I am not that easy and/or desperate.  Third or fourth date, maybe.....  ;)

Every time you go out... Make a friend a divorce lawyer

So I just got back from a bar? This guy was venting to me hardcore about how he lost millions of dollars. Lost half a million over some property. I had no idea wtf he was talking about. My friend told him I was a divorce lawyer! Next time I encounter the over 40s type she will be the lawyer. Realist! You have it coming to you! This is a warning! Although I did listen to him and tuned in and out of this convo. Besides the money and figures I learned a very important lesson .A. All the money in the world will not make you happy (I already knew this just had it reinforced) B. Before you get married really realize that you are marrying the family as well. Past problems will surface! They do not go away. This guy's wife was formally into drugs now his kids are messed up. Life is in shambles. Blah blah blah was worth 10 million now worth 2 million.. #richpeopleproblems! Really realize who you are marrying before you marry that person. Single for life!?!?!
His advice is to sign a prenup!

I'm just not responding!!!!

Meanwhile....

I did meet a guy around my age this week too.. Very cute.. Very personable.. Asked if I had a husband.. Before then implied will I ever see you again? He did not ask for my number!!!! Come on!!! I guess next time this happens I have to throw my number at the guy! Come on though have some sense.. I was interested and intrigued.. He was at the store shopping for his 2 year old niece so cute!!!! But really I just want a guy to take that first initiative!!!! He was really cute though and I'm semi kicking myself, but I want a semi aggressive male.. Worst that happens is I say no.... Either way the outcome is guy not getting my number..

Old men!!!

Goooood God please leave me alone.. First it was the one at the start of the week when I was on line buying food. Here is my business card contact me... Yeah thanks ok no way in hello Mr...
Now I go to the gym and one is talking to me telling me his daughter is 26. I told him my age.. His friend and him were both hitting on me so nasty.. His friend is a local track coach in town... Annoying... They flash their money around immediately.. What does your boyfriend do? It took me forever to answer....I said construction .. God forgive me.. I hate lying about having a boyfriend when I don't but damn these guys are my fathers age.. As I leave the pool the guy said to my his friend there goes my perfect girl... Omg I'm your daughters age imagine bringing me home to meet the family come on now!!!! You nasty!!!!!!! Times 3 million!!! I just want peace and quiet!!!
How do you girls deal with old man issues? That is 3 in one week!!! 3 toooo many!!! Not to mention it depresses me!!!!

<3 One grossed out Disbeliever

Loser! Good luck with that one!

Seriously? Does this even need words? He actually might be a guy I would find attractive too if he wasn't high as F**K!!! Grrrrr!!!!

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

You go and find your teddy and give that bear a great, big, hug

Well, that's it.  Last night was my last drawing class.  I may not see Drawing Teacher again.

Okay, that's a little melodramatic.  If I get a job in the area, I will likely take another class.  And he wants to periodically set up studio time with hired models so that when folks are interested they can get some practice in outside of class, so if I'm around, I would likely go to those.  It's a pretty big "if" that I'll be around, though.  I have no idea where the next month or two will take me.

Our last class was a lot of fun, though.  I brought in some homemade baked goods to share.  We ordered pizza.  Everyone talked and joked through the whole class (which is unusual compared to other classes I've taken--often people are very focused on their work and are quite serious and quiet), one student brought in extra drawing pads to pass out (not sure why he has so many extra, but Merry Christmas to me!).  The teacher said it was probably the most fun class he's ever taught.  He gave me a hug on the way out.  Get that?  He gave ME a hug.  It was so nice.  He is so cuddly.

Ah, it feels like such an innocent school-girl crush.  Especially since it's the teacher.  Is this the end?  Who knows.....

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Are you DOWN with the Brown?

I hate it when guys ask me this ?!!! You get NO Response!!
You will get pictures!



He is HOTTTTTT!

So is HE!



Drooling!






Another HOT Brown man!



"How You doing HOT HOT HOT!!!!!" The right mix of HOT!



Ok Neo!

Creepily Hot!




I'll tear your neck off.. Leave me alone I'm NOBODY~ HOT!


Not HOT at all...

<3 The Disbeliever Disbeliving!

Ugh!!! Just ugh!!!!

Him: Text/call me and I'll tell u a secret from wen we were in high school.. It's a good one... (That is in the eye of the beholder!)
Me: ?Secrets?
Him: Yes wen I first met you I thought you were so cute. #no joke
Me: Awww thanks I'm flattered this is not a twitter though! This is texting!
Him: I did have a Twitter, but Ill hav another but ur still attractive I don't want to sound like a creeper haha (The biggest way to sound like a creeper is saying you don't want to sound like one!)
Me: I'm still attractive you're making me sound ancient.
Him: I am 30 LOL and of course you are still attractive!!!

Ugh! Please child keep your distance !!!

<3 Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

Drunk Santa update?

I decided to nickname him Drunk Santa based on my last post about how he told me how hungover he was from a Santacon the previous day.

Anyway, Drunk Santa has suggested that I go meet him in his town so he can show me around.  Sounds great.  Now I'm just waiting for him to actually send me an invitation.

While I wait around, the past couple of weeks he's been sending me periodic meaningless messages, like "Hi Skeptic."  or "Hi there, how's it hanging?"  I responded to both, wondering if it would lead to an actual conversation, but it never does.  Perplexed by this lack of initiative on his part, I mentioned it one day to my cousin, who astutely suggested that if he showed me around town, it wouldn't necessarily be a date, so the expected protocols of invitation might not apply.  It's a more ambiguous situation.  Fair point, but it still seems like if he wants to show me around town, he should be the one to suggest the day or send the invitation.  I'm not about to send him a message like, "hey, I'm going to be in your town on Saturday.  Will you show me around?"

So I ask you, Drunk Santa:  What the f---?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

*Muah*

Something I've always been fascinated by is the physiology behind kissing.  I think it's because the dentist who worked on my braces had all sorts of pictures on his wall to stare at while he was working, and one of them had a great quote about the importance of the mouth (in terms of communication, nourishment, reproduction, etc.).  Wish I could remember the exact quote.  Anyway, it always made me wonder--the obvious purpose of the mouth is to provide the body with food, a necessary item for survival.  A clear secondary purpose would be for communication.  But if you stop and think about it, reproduction and sex is a bit more mysterious.  The mouth, as an entirely separate entity from the genitals, is not exactly necessary for reproductive purposes.  Yet when you strip things to the bare bones, what is it about connecting with another person's food trap that gets us so aroused and interested in sex?  In fact, a kiss can tell us a lot about how we feel about another person and what the sexual chemistry is.  Sometimes if a kiss is bad, we know that we are no longer interested in pursuing further sexual relations with the other person.  What is it about putting two sets of lips together that is so complicated and wonderful?

I certainly don't know the answer, and I'm not sure there's an easy explanation for it.  However, lots of people attempt to address the issue in various scientific studies and articles.  Here's one that I found to be an interesting read. 

Here's another good one.

Enjoy!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

What's a girl to do?

Two weeks to go of my drawing class, and I can already feel myself talking myself out of pursuing my drawing teacher.  I can hear the voice in my head saying, "nah, he's just being nice to you, it isn't really flirting--you'd just embarrass yourself if you asked him out."  Ugh, why do I talk myself out of it?  I know why--it's because I know that I don't handle rejection well, so I'm terrified of rejection and pretty much avoid it as much as I can.  It's really not a way to live.

On a side note, something I was thinking about today:  what would our dating lives be like if it weren't for social conventions?  That is to say, if we didn't pay any attention to dating "games," like rules about communicating with one another, or the way dating is "supposed to be" or whatever.  I hold myself back on a lot of things in dating--I don't say exactly what I'm thinking because it's not ladylike, or demure or mysterious enough, or because I have too much pride, or I'm afraid of what the response would be.  There's something to be said for manners, but there are times when I wish guys would just tell me what they think, and I could just say what I think without repercussion.  Just some food for thought, I guess.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I LIKE the BARTENDER!!!

I like/love the bartender at Shannon Rose! I took action. We officially met over a lead! I knew those leads are good for something! I filled out my name, phone number, address, and did not check the box to hear more information about Shannon Rose. Instead I created my own box saying I'd like to hear more from the bartender with the glasses.. I gave it back directly to him and he laughed. It turns out I won the contest at the bar! Not the grand prizie yet, but I won a cooler. Did he rig the contest or what? Hopefully I will win the ultimate prize a text or phone call from him... Time will tell!

And to your right is a building called..... excuse me while I barf

I've been hopping around temporary housing a bit lately, and recently relocated myself a bit further away from where I've been living in recent years so I could stay with family.  It's comfortable here, but the only downside is I'm further away from all my friends.  The Disbeliever immediately jumped in and mentioned she knew a guy who is not too far away from where I am now, and suggested we connect on Facebook.

I have no expectations that this would end up being a date, but it seems like when you're dealing with a complete stranger, there is a certain level of manners that should be met.  At least until you get to know a person--then you can be a bit more casual.

This guy didn't say much at all.  The following online conversation took place over the course of a week.

• Him:  Hey how are you? [Disbeliever] told me you just moved to [new area]. Where in [new area] did you move to?
• Me:  Hey there, yeah, I just moved in with my cousin for a while--in [town A], which is sort of near [town B]. She said you were in [new area] too? Somewhere a little closer to the city, like [town C]? Not much out here that I can tell--someone told me about some castle I should go see, but I forgot the name. What else is out here?
• Him:  Hey. Yes I'm I'm [town C]. Been here for 5 yrs. it's pretty nice for a small city. Have u been?
• Me:  Nope, never been to [town C]. I haven't seen much of any of [new area], actually.
• Him:  You should come down to [town C] sometime. I will show you around the area. (###) ###-####
• Me:  Cool, that would be fun. Let me know when is good for you. (###) ###-####

Not a bad start, I was just a little annoyed that it took a week to have such a short conversation.  I was scratching my head a bit over this last bit though, which came in yesterday:

• Him:  I would suggest tonight since I'm free...but I'm also hungover. There was a [town C] SantaCon yesterday...

So, was he suggesting playing tour guide for me while he's hungover?  Or making an excuse for not meeting up on a day we hadn't arranged in the first place (and which would have been last-minute anyway)?  Why tell a complete stranger about being hungover?  We can meet up whenever, I don't really care, but why not just suggest an actual day when your schedule is free, a few days in advance?  Sabrina would not like this ambiguity--suggest a day, hopefully giving me a couple days notice, and set it up!  Why are guys so wishy-washy?

Oh well, it isn't a big deal, and I have other things to worry about.  We'll see what comes of this.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

~1~2~3~ Defriend

First of all... I had this "friend." Let's call him Moose Scarpa... I never felt anything torwards this guy other then friends. Not attracted to him at all! Plus he is like 20 years older than me! All of a sudden he snapped like a pea from the garden in the middle of August with perfect growing conditions.

I believe roughly around Septemberish/Early October he might have made the blog previously. This is the same guy who purchased a nice fleece for my birthday. After he gave me the fleece he was like kiss.... kiss....
That was the first awkward moment. I had to turn super fast to avoid an UNwanted mouth kiss! N~A~S~T~Y

Next there were no awkward moments on my part just the biggest annoyance ever! He would text and text all day long. Finally I lost it when he was like let me pick you up for lunch I'm in the area. I still said NO! I was busy! He was so insistant about coming. Leave me alone and get a life SON! Not to mention when you text rule of thumb is you wait for the person to text back. You do not text 6 times in a row!
1st text: Hey what are you doing?
2nd attempt: (A phonecall)
3rd attempt: Hey did you get my first two attempts? What are you doing?
4rd attempt: You there?
5th attempt: Damn this hurricane sucks! You have power? You there?
6th attempt: Hi what's up?

I wish I could say I was joking about this... I *W~I~S~H*

<3 The Disbeliever Not Believing 24/7

Another Circle back!

Circle back: Hey ... hope you are doing good and things are going alright for you ... its been awhile (One yearish to be exact) ... times have change (This line cracked me up!! Times have changed!!! HAHA) ...you think we can try to be friends ???

K (I was going to say OK, but that is toooo long)

Awesome !!! you still have the same phone # ? call me a dork but I never deleted you from it lol

Yes..

Why not? You should have Why I should ?

I mean like why you think i should of had ???

We didnt click at all lol

Yes we did but I think it was not the right time or something with bad timing lol ... but perhaps we can try it and you will see that we "CLICK" lol

It's either you click or you don't haha.. How was the timing bad?

Well i think it was more me ... I was stupid and stuff ... I know we click but i was doing everything wrong in the book lol ... would like to go out grab some wings and a beer ..or better yet coffee and some yummy dessert ???

No thanks

POW .. you should slap me better ...it hurts less lol

I'm definitely not looking to go out with you like that! Once was enough I'm good for a lifetime... Still want to be friends? Haha

Hahaha But what happen the one time we went out I mean we didn't get to actually do much ... yes I don't care i deserve probably whatever you say but I still going to try ... and YES i do still wanna be friends if you let me

That sounds so desperate... You prob had someone for awhile.. Then they got annoyed with you and bounced.. I really don't know why I popped up in your head? That whole situation is whatever though... So you found your salvation

 mmmmmm NO lol .. Is not out of the sudden, No i didn't have anyone for awhile and nothing like that you got it all wrong ... trust me the only person who apparently got annoyed at me its you ... This was on my mind all alone for awhile actually but just didn't really know how to bring it up on you know the whole getting in touch with you again ... So i decided to do it today and no need my salvation for anything ... I been fine chilling doing my own thing working , (He listed every hobby he has and volunteer situation. I do not want to put up the specifics for the world to read. He was very detailed in this part.)  I keep myself pretty busy there is a lot you don't know about me and there is a lot I don't know about you and i would like to ... that's all

That's very nice

Well thank you and I would like to get a chance to talk to you more about it and so on ... and yeah not desperate here ok lol ... let me know then when you can then :) and IF i don't talk to you HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Thanks same to you! Your such a gem!!

That's the nicest thing you have said to me wowowo well you see I'm not as bad as you think haha

I guess you can't joke over the computer

 Love the sarcasm there lol ... How was your day what are you up to now days?

 Day was fine.. Same old..

Havent talked to you in AWHILE idk what same old means lol ...

Just work..

any big plans for tomorrow night ??

Nope.. You?

hhmmm Well my sister is coming and staying by me for Thanksgiving so we are planing on getting together with a bunch of our friends up in NY to drink and why not

I'll probably wind up somewhere just no plans yet

Nice... well if nothing come up you can always tag-alone with us ... great bunch of people ...

Thanks but no thanks

I just of bet you money that you were going to say that lol

Would you say we went on a date when we hung out or no? Just wondering

Yeah in a way but we didn't get really to talk much and stuff ... I wanted to and still DO want to do it ... go out talk have some dessert or drinks a nice dinner .... even if you still being sarcastic and all ... idk i wanna make it up even if i don't have to ... i wanna make things right

What do you think??

Nope.. It was prob one of my worst times ever

On a hang out maybe the guy who talked about building tunnels the whole team beat you, or the architect for his boredom.. But your ass was annoyingly pushy so I'd say you win for worst hang out ever

What makes you think I can't make things right or actually take you out to a nice place so we can talk and have some civilize conversation and get to know each other ??

I'd honestly rather clean my entire closet

Well i'm an (insert career) is that bad ? hahaha listen we all have our good and bad days ... all I ask is for one chance ... we all deserve one

well you mine closet can also need a clean up now the you mention it lol

 It's nice you want to make nice though.. I'm just not feeling it

You get one chance to make a 1st impression we have nothing left to go back to I have seen all

Literally...

Well i know you are not feeling it because you are thinking about 2 years ago and that's all ... time pass people change and i'm sure i won't disappoint you

Hahahaha Oh God nice one

but still I know you only get one chance to make a 1st impression but what if i wanna just not to be an impression what if i wanna make it nice so you can remember a better time then a bad time

Wasn't it last year? I doubt you changed that much.. Unless you completely changed your whole entire self..

Nope it was so long ago the i don't even remember lol ... it couldn't have been last year ... 2 years ago yes ... and people grow up and change seriously no jokes no games no agendas .. never had one to begin wit

You suggested beer and wings!! Once again not anything I'd like to do... How do you not see us clicking? I HATE (sport)! It was so boring watching that game I wanted to die

Hahahah i said that just by trowing ideas... i much rather go to cheesecake factory or somewhere else around the area or something a lounge perhaps but all depends what you are on the mood for ... i can fine a nice place we can go out and enjoy ourself a nice date ... I asked you if you wanted to watch the game and all that stuff and you said YES and i was are you sure ...lol ... Its ok if you don't like sport ... I'm the one who loves it ... we don't have to like the same stuff to click just so you know ...

Yes you do not all of it but some of it!!

well then IF you stop pretending to hate me for a second maybe you will be able to see the we can CLICK ... but you are just focus on that horible night we had ... when everything started by me taking you to watch sport :/ ... and you were looking pretty with that skirt and black shoes short boot style and white top ... i remember :P

Yes I wasted a good outfit!

Im not pretending to hate you... Just not feeling another hang out

Don't see the need for it

It's not being mean it is being real

OK no problem ... got it ... take care and be good ...and if you eve change your mind ... let me know have a good night and have a good day tomorrow

Thanks same to you bye

Our texting chats turned mean. I guess he realized no way and hell would I waste more of my time with him on the a second date.

Maybe if I do something bad so I get detention....

*sigh* I'm just a girl with a crush on the teacher.

My drawing teacher is adorable.  And I think it has become quite obvious that we spend the entire class flirting with each other.  Yes, we're fun people in general and we make jokes and make the class fun for all.  But c'mon folks, we spend the WHOLE class making jokes, and while he does offer me constructive criticism on my drawings, he also picks on me a bit, and I pick on myself, and pick on him for picking on me (ALL forms of flirting).  If I were someone else in the class, I'd be thinking, jeez guys, just go on a date already.

So.... about that.  What's the protocol here?  Is he bound to not make a move as long as he's my teacher?  Is that frowned upon?  Would it be better form if I made the move?  Consider also, that I am hopelessly petrified of making any moves at all (best I can do is flirt--that should tell him he has the green light, IMO).  Also consider that he is younger than I am (not sure if that matters, but it may change how you imagine the scenario).  Also consider that he is moving to California later this year for school (why is it always California?).  So, what can I do?

Also consider--whenever he steps in to make an adjustment on my drawing, I find myself leaning in closer and closer..... I just want to cuddle him.  At times I actually have to tell myself to stop it.  Normally I can behave in a civilized way without too much thought, but this sometimes takes effort.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I wanna F you...

This is from an onliner I never even met before...

Onliner: I wanna "F" you...
Me: Is that how you get the ladies?
Onliner: IDK never tried it before (Yeah right)
Me: :) It is good that you said that because I'm really looking to have a kid like yesterday!!! So I'm game :)
Onliner: We need to know each other a little more before we decide to have a kid though..
Me: Same with (F) ing!!!
Onliner: Well I said I wanna F U, I didn't say it had to be the moment we meet!!

That is my new line! Esp for the guys who creep back!
I'm going to say! Happy your back in my life now because I really want kids.
LOL I really think this will take care of the creeping back once and for all! I will test this theory and let you all know...

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

Anti-Hand Holder

Why do males and females hold hands? I do NOT get it! I always feel super awkward and strange doing it. I either feel like A. I'm being lead somewhere or B. I feel like a kid! I even got my ass grabbed while I was holding hands with my for lack of a better term " Xboyfriend" one time! I couldn't understand how that happened while we were holding hands!
Thank you I stand on my own two feet!
When I see others taking part in this activity I think the girl either looks needy, or I honestly think nothing about it at all. I still wonder why people do it though! It is just not my cup of coffee! You have your space! I'll have mine!

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving 24/7

I HIGHLY stress!

The importance of smell! It is sooooo important! Men buy Yves Saint Laurent or Armani Acquaint Di Gio! These two smells really do it for me!

We are never, ever, ever getting back together

Over the weekend, I got a facebook message from CT Boy, who is an old high school flame, but I cut off contact with him when I left for college, because it was getting too serious for me (at that time) and I didn't want to begin college in a relationship.

More back story:

At the beginning of 2011, I thought about him (mostly out of desperation because I was on the verge of turning 24 and it had been a while since I was dating someone) and decided to facebook friend him. Over the next month, we reconnected and would chat for hours on facebook catching up over the last 5 years of our lives. Then during the Spring and Summer months, things started to get complicated again as we keep on seeing each other. Just as he was leaving to go to California to start his second year of Americorps, we decided to remain friends and see where things are when he comes back in August 2012. In the fall, he started sending me flirty text messages, and I enjoyed because well who doesn't like attention from guys. Then just after the new year (January 2012), I saw on facebook one night that he changed his facebook status from single to in a relationship (let's call the girlfriend: just boobs). Next thing I know I am balling my eyes out to my roommate and our other friend. He never told me he was dating someone, unless they went on one date and they decided to become a official, but who does that?? I brought up the subject to him the next time he was on facebook, because I was obviously extremely hurt that he couldn't tell me. He denied flirting with me via text and that they began dating in January. Yeah, ok, whatever.... So, from then on I ignored him. Then out of the blue, I get a text from him saying that he was sorry for lying to me and that he felt bad. Ok, but that doesn't help BECAUSE YOU LIED TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! Now, every now and then he will contact me via facebook to see how I am doing. I keep the conversation short and sweet.

If he is trying to keep in touch with me because he wants me to be his rebound girl HE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING!

Doesn't he get that when I don't ever like or comment on his facebook post or never see how he is doing, that I don't want to be friends with him!

This just proves that women are the smarter sex.

Work husband??

Since this is my first blog, I will give a brief overview of what this post will be about.

There is this one co-worker, lets call him Short that I have gotten to become friends with over our mutual love for running/being healthy. These 5-10 minute conversations in the kitchen, eventually turned into lunch dates. It became awkward for me because: he wouldn't let me pay for the sandwiches, he knew that I was seeing someone, and he would say that I was beautiful. Especially, after the beautiful comment I quickly tried to avoid him.

Fast forward to this week, yesterday at dinner, a co-worker mentions to the table that Short and I are more interesting than the current guy that I am dating. I was like OMG HOW DO PEOPLE KNOW WE WERE GOING OUT TO LUNCH/WHY DO THEY THINK THERE IS SOMETHING BETWEEN US. I know that all of my co workers are probably doing it in a joking/fun loving way, but it has annoyed me because I am seeing someone that I care about, and I don't want them thinking that I am cheating or whatever.

Then I saw him this morning, where he started saying he was going to send me an e-mail to ask how I was doing. Thank god he doesn't have my personal e-mail address and just my work one. I made sure the conversation was extremely brief and made my fast exit from the kitchen.

From talking on the phone with a friend, he think that I may just have a work husband.

Has this type of thing happen to other people, where co-workers develop stronger feelings for you?

-Dishearted

"You give me education in the lovesick blues"

In an effort to do fun things and distract myself from stress, I've been taking a drawing class for a while now.  It's a figure drawing class, so we learn a little bit about anatomy, and draw from live (nude) models every week.  Everyone in the class is so nice, and we always have fun with each other every week.

So..... I may have developed a bit of a crush on my teacher.  Cliche?  Perhaps a bit.  But he's adorable.  And funny.  And quite intelligent.  And when he comes by during class to help me with my drawing, I feel the sparks.  You know, when you get near someone and can just feel the electricity run up your spine?  Yeah, that.

No idea if anything will come of this, but I just thought I'd share.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

more from the Yay Science! files

I love this stuff.  The science of love!  Enjoy this article I saw recently on how the brain works when evaluating attraction.

Science Explains Instant Attraction

By Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer | LiveScience.com – Tue, Nov 6, 2012

 

How do you know when you're attracted to a new face? Thank your medial prefrontal cortex, a brain region now discovered to play a major role in romantic decision-making.

Different parts of this region, which sits near the front of the brain, make a snap judgment about physical attraction and about whether the person is Mr. or Ms. Right — all within milliseconds of seeing a new face, a new study from Ireland finds.

The research is the first to use real-world dating to examine how the brain makes fast romantic judgments.

To conduct the study, researchers recruited 78 women and 73 men, all heterosexual and single, from Trinity College Dublin to participate in a speed-dating event. Like any typical speed-dating night, participants rotated around the room and chatted with one another for five minutes. After this meet-and-greet, they filled out forms indicating whom they'd like to see again.

But before the speed-dating event, 39 of the participants had their brains imaged. Using a functional magnetic resonance imaging machine (fMRI), researchers recorded the volunteers' brain activity as they saw pictures of the people they'd soon meet at the event. For each picture, the volunteers had a few seconds to rate, on a scale of 1 to 4, how much they would like to date that person. They also reported their physical attraction to each person and how likeable they thought each person was.

Speed-dating for science

In the next few days, the volunteers met face-to-face with the people in the pictures, during the speed-dating event.

People turned out to be pretty good at knowing who interested them based on photographs alone, the researchers found. Some 63 percent of the time, their initial, photograph-based interest in dating a person was backed up by their real decision after their five-minute speed date.

The dating event, incidentally, was all aboveboard, said Jeffrey Cooper, a psychology researcher who conducted the study while he was a postdoctoral student at Trinity College. Participants who "matched" with another study volunteer really did exchange phone numbers, and between 10 percent and 20 percent ended up getting in touch with each other later, Cooper told LiveScience.

'We joked quite a bit that we hoped there might be a wedding someday, but no invitations have come through yet," he said.

The brain on dating

More intriguing was what the brain was doing to make those judgments. The researchers found a link between one specific region of the medial prefrontal cortex, called the paracingulate cortex, and people's ultimate decisions about dating. This region buzzed with increased activity when volunteers saw photographs of the people  they'd later say "yes" to.

"We think it is especially involved in comparing options against a whole bunch of other options, or some sort of standard," Cooper said.

Meanwhile, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which sits closer to the front of the head, became especially active when participants looked at faces they thought were attractive. But there was a catch: This region was most active when looking at faces that most people agreed were hot. Of course, people don't always agree on who looks good. When people saw a face that tripped their trigger but didn't get great ratings from others, a different region activated: the rostromedial prefrontal cortex, a segment of the medial prefrontal cortex located lower in the brain.

"That region in this moment may be doing something like evaluating not just 'Is this person a good catch?' but 'Is this person a good catch for me?'" Cooper said.

That role makes sense for the rostromedial region, he added, because the region is known to be very important in social decisions. Among the judgments this region makes is how similar someone else is to you. Given that people tend to find similar folks attractive as potential mates, the rostromedial prefrontal cortex could be saying, "Hey, this one matches us!"

There are two ways to look at the results, published in the Nov. 7 issue of the Journal of Neuroscience. One, Cooper said, is that we're pretty shallow. In the first few milliseconds of seeing a new face, we're evaluating physical attractiveness. But the rostromedial prefrontal cortex goes a bit deeper, very quickly asking, "Yeah, but are they compatible with me?"

"These really are separate processes," Cooper said. "But they really are both happening in your head as you make those initial evaluations."

 Trying to stay positive,

Skeptic

It's the end of the world as we know it

Setting: Dunkin Donuts Tuesday after Hurricane Sandy...
Characters: Me
My moms!

Pan in (widescreen shot) us just chillen minding our own business...
All of a sudden this elder jumps out from God knows where...

Guy: I would like to ask you out on a date sometime
Me: (Judging the guy intently) I'm sorry I have a boyfriend. (Not true, but I was not interested in him because he was 125 years older than me!)
Mom: (Gets really red)
Guy: (Guy hurrys off with tail in between his legs)

Me: OMG how old was that guy? Gross so nasty...
Mom: He looked around 40.
Me: I thought he is like 60.

Gross! Gross! Gross!

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving! 24/7

Every so often!

You come across a gooooood guy and can breathe a sigh of relief that they DO EXIST! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Heck I'll praise the Lord one more time! Happy as a clam/lamb!

The one that never was

I was reflecting on a situation I was in a while back, and thought I'd share about it here and get some of your thoughts.

Have you ever met someone that was horribly and disappointingly unavailable, who was perfect for you?  Like, just the timing was very, very wrong?

A while back, I met a guy through a mutual acquaintance at a party.  We talked for a while over beers before the rest of the party arrived.  He was cute, funny, and the conversation was refreshingly natural and ever-flowing.  We clicked instantly.  On rare occasions do you meet someone who is just on your exact same wavelength, and this was one of those occasions.  I thought for the entire conversation how much I wanted to go out with this guy officially.  Then after a little while, shortly before the other people arrived, he mentioned a key word in one of his sentences:  wife.  He was married. 

DAMMIT! I thought.  I don't fault him at all for not mentioning it sooner--he did nothing wrong, and we were just having casual conversation.  But man, that was not welcome news.  See, I am a good girl.  I would never ever break up a couple, or even put the guy in a tempting situation. Which is why after hearing this news, I have kept my distance from even becoming close friends with this guy.

Something similar ever happen to you?  Share your stories!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Poor guy.

This weekend I took myself to an alumni football-watching gathering at a bar in the city.  I was quite proud of myself, since I had gone alone and knew the place would be packed with nowhere to sit, which would force myself into social situations with others (namely, men).  And indeed, the game had just barely begun when a gentleman turned an eye toward me and introduced himself.

I am admittedly not very good at casual conversation with people I don't know.  I find small talk boring and feel like it's the same stale conversation every time.  However, I have had conversations with some folks I just met and could tell that I instantly clicked with them--something in the way the conversation flowed, was interesting, and took a few unexpected turns.  So I know it's possible to connect with someone right away.

I give him credit for doing all the right things.  He asked me what I do for work, what I do for fun, talked about the game we were watching, etc. etc.  All the typical small talk things.  But by the time half time rolled around, there had been enough awkward pause to fill the humane society (eh? get it?), and I found myself wondering if I would have to put up with this for the entire game (FWIW, the duration of a football game is a long time to keep up awkward small talk).  So even though at the beginning of the game, I thought, "this guy is kind of cute--as long as he's not a complete asshole, I'd give him my number," by halftime I was thinking, "wow, it would be really nice if I could talk to some of the other cute guys here...."  

Example of some of our odd conversation:
Him:  I like to go to concerts.
Me:  Yeah?  What was the last concert you went to?
Him:  I went to see the Cure at Madison Square Garden.
Me:  Oh wow, are they still touring?
Him:  No.  Well, I don't think so.  That was a long time ago.
Me: (thinking) are you sure you like to go to concerts.....?
 
I was also pretty claustrophobic at that point (I don't even know how the servers maneuvered around that place--I was pinned to the wall).  So I told him it was nice to meet him, and left.

Yeah, maybe I missed an opportunity, but he should have asked for my number sooner!  Close the deal!  Sure, I was moderately interested at first, but I was annoyed that I was stuck talking to him when I could have been talking to all sorts of people!  Not a good idea to wait until I'm bored.  As I walked away from the bar, I considered the situation.  What should I have done differently?  What should he have done?  Did he do all the right things?  What are your expectations for the pickup song and dance?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Well, damn.

So SanFranMan just rejected me.

Maybe I shouldn't be bothered by it, since it wasn't really anything serious anyway.  But man, it still sucks to be rejected.


Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Ergh part 2

I may be the world's biggest fool.

Yeah, I know I said I would stop things with SanFranMan.  Then his birthday came, and I found myself sexting with him all over again.  Now I'm back in the same place of wanting him to come to visit, but for this reason or the other, he can't schedule a trip.  Are the reasons genuine and unavoidable, or is he just keeping me on the hook?  I know not.

It's bad, yo.  I haven't been on a date in so long that I can't even remember the last time I had one (but I know it's been at least a year).  That's long enough that I think pretty lousy of myself, which is not helping me actually get a date, and certainly wouldn't make any potential date any fun.  It's a horrible downward spiral.  Meanwhile, I am still on the job hunt (which does not help the aforementioned feeling of lousiness about myself), which means I could be moving at the drop of a hat.  So what point is there in making an effort, or getting to know someone, or signing up for an online dating service?  Maybe that's why I slipped back into flirting with SanFranMan--because at least it's SOMEthing fun to do, and it's nice to get attention from a guy, even if he is across the country.  But I am frustrated to the max and not a happy camper.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Another circle back !!!!

All fun things must come to an end

I told SanFranMan I didn't want to continue our long-distance flirtations (or whatever you would call it) anymore.  The whole thing felt basically like a 3 month prolonged foreplay leading up to something, but when he said he cancelled his trip here to visit, there just didn't seem like much point anymore.  It was definitely fun for a while, but it had gotten to the point where I was just even more frustrated, so it was doing more harm than good.

The sad thing to admit is that I really liked the attention.  It's been far too long since a guy showed any interest in me at all.  It feels good for someone to tell me I'm attractive for a change, as superficial as that is.  And since I know how terrible I am at initiating anything with a guy, it may be a long time before I get to hear it again.  *sigh*

Yeah, I know I'm waxing melodramatic now.  I guess when multiple areas of my life seem to not be going well, it's difficult to be optimistic about this one area.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I rank guys according to their....

Not the amazingly intelligent and aloof impression I'd choose to portray....

Realizing that your email account was hacked is annoying, since it sends a senseless email out to everyone in your address book--friends, colleagues, etc.

It's embarrassing enough to know that colleagues and mentors may have gotten the offending email from me.  But what's probably worse is to realize that an ex-boyfriend now has something from me in his inbox.  Ugh.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

General Dating Rules

These are MY general dating rules when it comes to age. I just want to have it written down on paper for the world to see!

Middle Schoolers date Middle schools (or plus one year)
Highschoolers date Highschoolers (plus or minus one year)
College students date College students (plus or minus one year although I think that would be super rare, but if a couple can make it work good for them)
(22-25ish) Should only date each other! That is such a bad age!
(26-30) I would say within five years. Although, I have absolutely no interest in a 23 year old. I would date up to 33. That is it!
(30-35) I would boost it to six years. So with each new age group add a year basically. That would be my formula.
(35-40) 7 years plus or minus
(40-45) 8 years plus or minus
(45-50) 9 years plus or minus
(50-55) 10 years plus or minus
(55-60) 11 years plus or minus
(60-65) 12 years plus or minus (48 and a 60 year old) Hm maybe my theory is getting a little far fetched! I think once you reach senior age then it depends on your activity level (physically/mentally)...

?s/Comments/Criticisms

<3 Disbeliever

Ki$$ Ki$$!

I got the most beautiful jacket for my birthday from a "friend." In return for the jacket he asked for a kiss! Most awkward moment of my life! This is coming from a girl who does not get embarrassed easily! Now our relationship has changed forever! How long before I hear from him again? Does he want the jacket back? I really like the jacket, but I think of the guy now when I wear it..Ugh!
For his birthday, I'll send him a gift card in the mail!

<3 Disbeliever

Female blue balls? Yup, they exist!

Errrrggggghhhh.....

So remember SanFranMan?  Of course you remember.  Well, that whole online flirtation is still going on.  Yes, I know--STILL.  How long, you may ask?  Well, I lost track, but I'm guessing it's been 3 or 4 months now.  It's a lot of dirty texting and dirty pictures exchanged, and mutual self-pleasure basically.  And since I expected that he'd be in town to visit in early October, I thought that all of this would basically be like the world's longest foreplay.

But now it looks like his trip is cancelled.

Well, fuck.  Er, I guess a lack thereof.  Yeah, all of this has been really fun and meaningless, which is a BIG departure from how I normally function with guys, but I guess that's what made it so refreshing.  But when he told me that he was no longer coming (NO pun intended), I was left with the feeling of..... now what?  Four months of buildup to....nothing?  He said he still wants to take a trip out here to visit, but now there's no timeframe on that.

Allow me to explain.  Mama has needs.  It's like dangling food in front of a starving person (and considering how long it's been for me, the starving person as an analogy is somewhat appropriate), but the food is forbidden.  The food smells so good, and it's a very enjoyable experience to smell it and see it and salivate over it.  But there comes a point when the starving person has just got to eat, and smelling that food is making it worse, so maybe it's better to take the food away.  Make sense?

Not surprisingly, he doesn't quite feel that way.  He likes all this long distance flirtation, and wants to keep it going.  I enjoy it, too, but I ultimately want the whole shebang, and wonder if all of this is just making me even more frustrated and further away from what I ultimately want.  I also liked the idea of him coming here because he would have other things to do here and people to visit, which would take the pressure off me in case things are too awkward between us (remember, I still have not seen this guy in 10+ years, so it might just be too strange).  If I went to visit him, sure, I could sightsee and do other things, but it seems like there would be more pressure on things.

Maybe the answer here is clear, but I'll be honest--I'm getting a little too frustrated to even think straight now.  Like, please-hold-me-back-before-I-make-a-mistake-by-calling-an-ex-for-a-bootie-call frustrated.  You ladies understand, right?  Help.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Yoga "Tea"

It was ok. Rather spicy. Nothing like I expected. I thought I would have some ground breaking story to talk about, but sadly no.

I can't look at the instuctor. Just two more times of going! I'd don't think I would join. He has a camera over the area where we pratice. I just noticed it today. Isn't that odd? Just why? I wanted to run around in the bathroom and look for more cameras. Instead I drank tea.

I also got another hug! I was the only one to get a hug both the first and third time I went! A guy got a handshake today. The second time I sneaked out on it. Score!

<3 Disbeliever

It was my Day of Birth!

For my birthday! It was the best birthday to date by far! I didn't make any  plans. Just whoever showed up was meant to be there and that is it! If you were not there here is the recap and you missed a show!

Friday~ My one friend from back in the day showed up. I did not see her for like six years. She said she was going to come and show up to my party, but I was like "o yeah whatever." Never DOUBT the Dalt! She said she was coming and she showed up! So cool! I was in shock to see her! When she came up to wish me a happy birthday, I said happy birthday back to her! HaHa then I said maybe I want to go to my 10 year highschool reunion. Just maybe. So we drank Sangria at my favorite Spanish restaurant. Very good and sang tunes such as: Who let the dogs out and ToTo Africa., due to to my one friend's outfit we shall call her the African. She looked like she was going on a safari and my other friend looked like the safari tour guide! We had such a blast singing! There was also this drunk ass guy there. My friend pulled the birthday trick and I had to kiss this guy. Yuck I barely kissed back! Nasty gross yuck! Then my friend kissed him! She was like gross too! The Dalt was the winner! She might have even enjoyed the kiss! That is a big might!

So after the party, it's the after party! We went to this place right on the water! I was supposed to meet up with others there, but they were no shows! Anyways, this round of the party was more chill, but beautiful with fireplaces and boats on the water everywhere! I always love this bar! I feel like I'm away without being away! Some people started throwing cups into the fire and had to leave. I did it too, but did not get busted... Amateurs! If a fire is in front of you how do you not throw stuff in it?

While leaving this place the black men gravitated! It wasn't even that dark of a place! They just always find me. I give these guys credit! I love when guys approach me! White guys never ever do!EVER! So this guy was fueling his game fire and mentioned four times the fire was not hot enough. He was practically throwing his face in the fire saying how it is not hot to him because he is a welder! I love meeting new people. Him and his friends were super funny. They wanted to go IHOP after. Way to go with forfilling stereotypes. I made this guy listen to grub on by my boyfriend Trey Songz. I really appreciate guys coming up to me and can not stress enough how more guys need to just take chances! Make plans! And stop flaking! You guys need to Dalt yourself!!

Saturday- I guess I can say I did a long runish. Should have ran through a park instead of a Jewish section of town on the sabbath. I get the looks of the devil is running though town. Plus tooo many people they get in the way! Saturday was the Spanish night for my birthday. They were all looking as me and my friend African Sarfari dance outside. This night I was attracting the white I-don't-know- how- to-dance-to-this-this stuff type. I'm not going to say I'm an expert with Spanish music, but depending on the situation and if I have a good lead I think I can look ok. Me leading the guy.. no..  Don't come to a Spanish dancing place to grind your penis on my leg because Spanish men can really dance boys! It was frustrating that I got stuck with the non dancers. So this one guy kissed me. Gross. I went with it because why not? But he couldn't dance or kiss! Bye bye! What is with these men? Lately they are all really pretty terrible kissers! Get with it guys! No girl wants to feel like a dog dish! I snuck out on the first guy who wanted to buy me a drink.

Well another guy got me in that time. I became annoyed with the second one. I told him I had to go to the bathroom. He gets all 21-year oldish on me saying just tell me if you are not coming back! I just kept walking. Pathetic! Hopefully he figured out I'm not coming back. Maybe he is still waiting there!

So we left to another bar. The highlight of this bar was the five-year-old fish swimming in the tank! I couldn't believe it was still alive. Unless they switched it out, but it really became a lot bigger. Let's racially profile my people here! Why are white guys the biggest messes at bars anytime ALL the time? I hate to say it! I really do, but damn! I have this fat 300 bearded white guy talk to me. He asked how old I was. I made him guess! He guessed 23. I said sure. He said you wish you were 23. The D-Bag! He had enough nerve to ask me to dance. I said sure and kept walking straight out the bar! I can't afford to have my feet stepped on by some 300 plus pound heffer. I have a half marathon to run this weekend thank you very much! Note to blog world: I was as nice as pie to this guy's face! He was slurring his speech. He must have a large drinking budget! I mean he is over 200 something pounds! It must take him at least 10 beers to get drunk!!!

Sunday- Did my wash birthday weekend!

Monday- Most beautiful beach day! I love the beach and everything about it! Of course there is no better way to spend your birthday!

<3 The Disbeliever Disbelieving