Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky was a blind date from online. I've been on soooo many of these it's somewhat sad to say I go into them now with a healthy dose of skepticism. I usually hope to just make it through at a decent hour so I can still get something else done at home or have enough time to watch a good show on TV. Either that, or maybe it will be so awful I'll have a story I can tell for years to come.
My date with Mr. HGL seemed to be off to a good start right away. As soon as I walked into the bar I got a very friendly welcome, and we were buzzing with chatter for hours nonstop--it was just really light and fun and casual and full of humor. It came very naturally. It was surprisingly refreshing. At one point we had been talking about our favorite food to make (we're both big into cooking) when we realized we were hungry, so our two beers turned into a bar dinner, and before we knew it, we had spent 3 1/2 hours at the bar, when it really only needed to be a drink.
I'd say that went well, for a first date!
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand.....
Several weeks ago I met up with The Journalist for coffee. We had a nice chat, mostly pretty light, talking about running, TV shows, books, etc. I had decided before then that I wasn't really interested in anything more than friends with him anymore. But since it didn't seem to be headed in that direction anyway, and I did still enjoy hanging out with him, I saw no reason to discontinue meeting up now and again.
When I got home, I got a troubling text message from him telling me I hadn't made enough effort to get to know him and it hurt his feelings. This is just about the opposite of my character, so I was pretty taken aback. I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I had trouble in replaying the conversation in my mind finding something I might have said that could have been hurtful. He eventually called me and we worked it out (turned out there was something on his mind that I didn't ask about?). It did weird me out a little bit, though. We were still pretty early on in the friendship and things were light and breezy--it felt a little strange for drama to arise so soon.
This weekend we met up again, for just some random fun wandering through a bookstore. He walked me to my train afterwards, and as the train was pulling up to the station, I went to say goodbye. I went in for a hug, as per usual, but I think (and didn't realize until halfway in) that he was going for a kiss, and midway through the awkwardness he ended up with a cheek. I then had an incredibly awkward 10 seconds waiting for the train to stop before I could make my escape.
I went home terribly confused. I had made up my mind weeks ago that I didn't want more than friendship, and I really didn't see him pushing things forward, either. Now it seems like we either need to have a difficult "let's just be friends" talk, or I could just go with it and see if feelings develop. On the one hand, I know a lot of people who take a long time before their feelings really develop. On the other hand, I do usually know if there's any potential there, and the last time I "gave things a chance" when I wasn't really interested, it just became painfully more and more difficult to break it off, and more and more uncomfortable for me as expectations for deeper intimacy arose.
I'm kind of leaning toward trusting my instincts. I suppose it's always possible that feelings will arise later, but I see no need to push things now when they're not there. Difficult conversation it is, then. :(
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
When I got home, I got a troubling text message from him telling me I hadn't made enough effort to get to know him and it hurt his feelings. This is just about the opposite of my character, so I was pretty taken aback. I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I had trouble in replaying the conversation in my mind finding something I might have said that could have been hurtful. He eventually called me and we worked it out (turned out there was something on his mind that I didn't ask about?). It did weird me out a little bit, though. We were still pretty early on in the friendship and things were light and breezy--it felt a little strange for drama to arise so soon.
This weekend we met up again, for just some random fun wandering through a bookstore. He walked me to my train afterwards, and as the train was pulling up to the station, I went to say goodbye. I went in for a hug, as per usual, but I think (and didn't realize until halfway in) that he was going for a kiss, and midway through the awkwardness he ended up with a cheek. I then had an incredibly awkward 10 seconds waiting for the train to stop before I could make my escape.
I went home terribly confused. I had made up my mind weeks ago that I didn't want more than friendship, and I really didn't see him pushing things forward, either. Now it seems like we either need to have a difficult "let's just be friends" talk, or I could just go with it and see if feelings develop. On the one hand, I know a lot of people who take a long time before their feelings really develop. On the other hand, I do usually know if there's any potential there, and the last time I "gave things a chance" when I wasn't really interested, it just became painfully more and more difficult to break it off, and more and more uncomfortable for me as expectations for deeper intimacy arose.
I'm kind of leaning toward trusting my instincts. I suppose it's always possible that feelings will arise later, but I see no need to push things now when they're not there. Difficult conversation it is, then. :(
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
If these are my options, it's no wonder I'm still single.
I often stress how difficult the dating market is these days, especially for those over 30. To illustrate this you really need look no further than OK Cupid, where the minions from every quirky edge of the freaky spectrum congregate together hoping to find a match.
Today's example comes from a young lad who pinged me today. With a brief but informative glance at his profile, here is what I've learned about him:
So all you folks out there who are married or otherwise attached, do me a favor today and just be grateful.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Today's example comes from a young lad who pinged me today. With a brief but informative glance at his profile, here is what I've learned about him:
- He describes himself as athletic and well-built.
- He smokes when drinking (and he drinks often)
- He does drugs sometimes
- The six things he could never do without are:
- His endowment
- Human kindness
- Weed
- What it tastes like between a woman's legs
- Porn (yes, only 5 things were listed here)
- He is 90% into women. But that other 10% comes out sometimes...
- For now he is really only looking for friends with benefits
- You should message him if: You are chill and like to play. You can have intimate sex with someone and not be mad if you don't hear from them for days.
So all you folks out there who are married or otherwise attached, do me a favor today and just be grateful.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Monday, February 3, 2014
Introducing Mr. Suave
Well, to be fair, this isn't the first time I've written about Mr. Suave. I actually wrote about him back here. But this time I'm giving him a name.
Admittedly, not much has happened yet. But my geeky girlish daydreams are a bit aflutter. My team moved offices this week, so I knew I wouldn't really have any chance to see him again. I was reluctant to reach out to him for a little while, since I had only spoken to him twice and tracking him down might appear to be a teensy bit stalker-ish. But while speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded of a line from "Risky Business":
So I said, "what the fuck." And I sent him an invitation to connect on LinkedIn (a professional networking platform, if you're not familiar). He accepted immediately, as in, within a minute. And I saw that he did view my profile (rather than just accepting from the email). So, later on in the day, I said "what the fuck" again and I sent him a note asking how the new job was going, letting him know that I moved offices, etc. He wrote back a quick reply this evening.
I know, I know, this is all kind of nothing so far. But let me just emphasize this: he is a guy who I believe who could have any girl he wants. He is very good-looking, smart, polite and kind, dresses well, smells nice, is quite a bit younger than I am :-0 .... what earthly business would he have talking to a girl like me? I am incredibly nervous just sending him an email. I practically had to ask permission of at least half a dozen friends before I even sent him a LinkedIn invitation.
I think girls do this all the time. We self-select ourselves in the dating pool according to who we think we deserve, and it probably has a lot to do with our self-esteem. I've usually had reasonable self-esteem, I suppose. I criticize myself as much as the next person and have a healthy dose of humility, but I generally believe I'm a good person, and I don't really have a history of dating jerks because I think I deserve better. But I can't say I've ever been the kind of girl who would talk to ANY guy I want. I, too, self-select myself. And honestly, I tend to be too shy to even talk to the guys who I think might be good for me. (Hmm, I'm starting to see why I never get anywhere with guys....) Anyway, so talking to a guy who literally makes me flush and think thoughts of "I'm not worthy" is a big deal for me. Am I worthy? Well, sure--he's only human, and he has plenty of faults (somewhere....). I may not completely feel worthy yet, but I'm faking it. So even if it doesn't go well, I already feel stronger. :)
Although to be honest, I think I would like him more if I knew some of those faults of his. Perfection is highly overrated.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Admittedly, not much has happened yet. But my geeky girlish daydreams are a bit aflutter. My team moved offices this week, so I knew I wouldn't really have any chance to see him again. I was reluctant to reach out to him for a little while, since I had only spoken to him twice and tracking him down might appear to be a teensy bit stalker-ish. But while speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded of a line from "Risky Business":
"Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel. Every now and then saying "What the Fuck" brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future."
So I said, "what the fuck." And I sent him an invitation to connect on LinkedIn (a professional networking platform, if you're not familiar). He accepted immediately, as in, within a minute. And I saw that he did view my profile (rather than just accepting from the email). So, later on in the day, I said "what the fuck" again and I sent him a note asking how the new job was going, letting him know that I moved offices, etc. He wrote back a quick reply this evening.
I think girls do this all the time. We self-select ourselves in the dating pool according to who we think we deserve, and it probably has a lot to do with our self-esteem. I've usually had reasonable self-esteem, I suppose. I criticize myself as much as the next person and have a healthy dose of humility, but I generally believe I'm a good person, and I don't really have a history of dating jerks because I think I deserve better. But I can't say I've ever been the kind of girl who would talk to ANY guy I want. I, too, self-select myself. And honestly, I tend to be too shy to even talk to the guys who I think might be good for me. (Hmm, I'm starting to see why I never get anywhere with guys....) Anyway, so talking to a guy who literally makes me flush and think thoughts of "I'm not worthy" is a big deal for me. Am I worthy? Well, sure--he's only human, and he has plenty of faults (somewhere....). I may not completely feel worthy yet, but I'm faking it. So even if it doesn't go well, I already feel stronger. :)
Although to be honest, I think I would like him more if I knew some of those faults of his. Perfection is highly overrated.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Saturday, February 1, 2014
RIP Manners. Again.
The other day I was standing on the sidewalk and I saw a young guy and girl crossing the street. There was a small bank of snow/ice on the corner. The guy jumped over the bank checked his phone on the sidewalk while the girl in her heels tiptoed over the ice and tried to keep from falling over while she struggled to make her way to the sidewalk.
I'm all for feminism and equal treatment, but is it so wrong that I mourn the death of common decency and basic manners, let alone chivalry? Basic manners should go without saying, but it seems like manners have gone so far downhill that any sort of gentlemanly behavior would earn a guy a trophy for man of the year. If complaining about the poor manners of KIDS TODAY makes me old, then I will wear my gray hair and snarky attitude like a badge of honor.
I was *this* close to yelling at that guy, "take her hand, you stupid f-ing kid!"
*sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
I'm all for feminism and equal treatment, but is it so wrong that I mourn the death of common decency and basic manners, let alone chivalry? Basic manners should go without saying, but it seems like manners have gone so far downhill that any sort of gentlemanly behavior would earn a guy a trophy for man of the year. If complaining about the poor manners of KIDS TODAY makes me old, then I will wear my gray hair and snarky attitude like a badge of honor.
I was *this* close to yelling at that guy, "take her hand, you stupid f-ing kid!"
*sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
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