Here's my number. For scientific purposes, of course.

There's something that I've been pondering for a while, I've just been unsure how to organize my thoughts for the blog. I think I'm ready now.

It's true that I find it offensive when other people postulate on my behalf why I might still be single. There's just nothing like someone else pointing out your faults unsolicited to make you want to poke some eyes out. However, that doesn't mean I don't wonder about it myself. People of all kinds find love all the time. What should I do differently?

Now, obviously, since so many people on Earth find love (it's not like it really takes a special skill), it's pretty difficult to make a determination of the one trait or action that ensures success. It doesn't take a special kind of person, or doing a particular thing. It works differently for everyone. Still, the social scientist in me looks for something I can learn. Is there anything they have in common? Or, something that "successful" daters have in common that maybe I'm lacking? ("Successful" is somewhat a relative term, but humor me here). 

I may have a theory. I do have a couple of friends who are very different than I am, in that they basically are able to date whomever they want. They often are dating more than one guy at a time. And if I'm being perfectly honest, they're not what you would think of as traditionally "desireble" girls. Then it hit me. There is a major, glaring thing they have that I don't:

Confidence.

They can have any guy they want because they GO FOR IT. They believe in themselves, that they are worth it, that they are wonderful, and that any guy would be lucky to have them. And guys can tell. And it's hot.

Confidence is one thing I've never really had in spades like some others do. I think I have a lot to offer a guy, but bashfulness often holds me back in a lot of social situations, particularly involving guys. Especially involving guys I might be interested in.

So, after tiring a bit from people telling me how great I am and that they just don't get why I have trouble dating (flattering as that is, it isn't helpful), the social scientist in me decided to try an experiment. I'm going to fake it. The saying is, "fake it 'til you make it." So, if I pretend that I'm a much more confident person, maybe eventually my psyche will catch up and will actually be, in fact, more confident. I will pretend that I really am that girl--that I can get any guy I want. So I will talk to the cutest guy in the room, and smile at him and *gasp* maybe even flirt. You may scoff at this and say, "well, of course that's what you should do!" But I can't stress enough how far this takes me out of my comfort zone. These will be guys who I think can have any girl they want, and my mind tells me, what business would they have talking to me? It takes a lot of gumption to get myself to do it. But for the sake of science and seeing if this changes my luck at all, I will take one for the team.

Exhibit A was today. There is a new guy in my office who last week, stopped by my desk several times to ask me questions--where is the bathroom, how does the transit card work, etc. My cubicle mates interpreted this as interest on his part, and a pretty respectable move. But today he walked past my desk a handful of times and never said anything. This puzzled me. Ah, but one of my dating advisers suggested that he initially put a feeler out, and now he's pulling back to see how I react. He was testing the waters. So I took the next move. I went over to his desk to talk to him. Again, don't scoff--this took a lot of guts. While talking to him (re: gazing at his lovely sincere hazel eyes and perfectly masculine face and his put-together stylish clothes hanging on his very attractive physique and *sigh* am I flushed? am I melting at the knees?) *ahem* I mean, I was listening intently to what he was saying and smiling and dear g.o.d. I hope I was answering intelligently..... where was I going with this? Anyway, it was a nice, polite conversation. Not sure it will go anywhere since my group will be moving offices soon, so I may not see him again. But I felt proud of myself for talking to him. I'm not sure if there really exists an objective measure as "guy who can get any girl he wants" because it's largely relative and a matter of taste (he might not be all girls' type!), but he certainly was in my book, so I am practicing my balls-out confident approach. Stay tuned on how that experiment goes--I'm sure I'll be writing more.

All in the name of science, of course.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic