It's been a little while, so I thought I'd just drop a quick update!
If you're wondering what happened with The Entrepreneur, the short of it is, I gave him my number, and never heard from him. Sure, it's possible that he's just really busy (entrepreneurs are, after all), but I'm not totally buying that (if he was really interested, he would find a way). So I'm doing my best to move on with other things. But I gotta say, this one really disappointed me. I really liked him. A lot. Like, I haven't met someone I connected with that well in..... 2 years? Sometimes I wonder if there is any way I can try to see him again, but I stop myself because I don't want to be *that* girl. I'm not sure what bothers me more--that someone so great could slip away just like that, or that I somehow might have completely mis-read our encounter. Every time it enters my mind, I curse my rotten luck. Well...... that's that.
Also, my cousin's husband tried to set me up with a friend of his. He never does that, but he thinks the world of both of us, so he thought it might be a good match. The friend said he was interested and took my number from cousin's husband, but never called me. He told him that he eventually decided that a relationship would really disrupt his life, and he liked things the way they were, so he decided not to go for it. No skin off my back, really, since I hadn't even met the guy, or even spoken two words to him. But damn, I think that's the first time I've been rejected even before even having a conversation with someone.
Finally, in a fit of boredom, I started messaging with a guy on Tinder the other night. I usually just troll Tinder for a little ego-boost to see what guys I match up with (which is basically every guy I pick--I don't think guys are very discerning, but it does help my ego, anyway), but while I was a little bored, I started chatting with one guy. I know very little about him, really, but it was nice to chat with someone. I *might* meet him eventually (taking all the necessary precautions for meeting a stranger, of course), but I have zero expectations here. I guess job-searching has me in "meet people" mode, so I'll meet just about anyone. Which I guess is a good thing.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Friday, May 30, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Fever! In the morning, fever all through the night
Miss me?
It's been a while since last I wrote! Mostly because nothing much has occurred worth writing about.
But ahhh, it's Spring! More daylight, warmer weather, flowers in bloom etc. All of it contributes to "Spring Fever," signaling our circadian rhythms to ramp up for the season. Our eyes detect the extra sunlight, signaling us that Winter hibernation is ending. We experience renewed energy, which keeps us awake for longer hours, and itching to get out of the house. The sunlight boosts our mood, our melatonin production decreases, and our internal biological clock pushes us toward thoughts of breeding. Or, in a less animalistic sense, toward thoughts of love.
That's right, Spring Fever is a real, physiological phenomenon. We know it to be true because we all experience it. When Spring comes along, we are grateful for the extra sunshine, the warmer weather, and the boost in mood. And we do feel just a little more twitterpated (as "Flower" would say.)
I can certainly say Spring Fever is alive and well on the home front. Sadly, nothing really happening yet, but there have been a few gentlemen who have caught my eye:
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
It's been a while since last I wrote! Mostly because nothing much has occurred worth writing about.
But ahhh, it's Spring! More daylight, warmer weather, flowers in bloom etc. All of it contributes to "Spring Fever," signaling our circadian rhythms to ramp up for the season. Our eyes detect the extra sunlight, signaling us that Winter hibernation is ending. We experience renewed energy, which keeps us awake for longer hours, and itching to get out of the house. The sunlight boosts our mood, our melatonin production decreases, and our internal biological clock pushes us toward thoughts of breeding. Or, in a less animalistic sense, toward thoughts of love.
That's right, Spring Fever is a real, physiological phenomenon. We know it to be true because we all experience it. When Spring comes along, we are grateful for the extra sunshine, the warmer weather, and the boost in mood. And we do feel just a little more twitterpated (as "Flower" would say.)
I can certainly say Spring Fever is alive and well on the home front. Sadly, nothing really happening yet, but there have been a few gentlemen who have caught my eye:
- Really cute young Irish Bartender at the watering hole near work. He's so cute. And much younger than I am. And a runner! *swoon* And he's probably just being a very good bartender by flirting back with me, but I still love it. This is probably not good long-term potential, but that sure didn't stop me from slipping him my phone number on a bar napkin after a couple of drinks.
- Hot Sales Guy, from work. Although I don't work there anymore, so that's not really the problem. The problem here is that he may be TOO good-looking, and I would guess a bit of a player. People keep telling me I'm crazy for pointing out the problem before anything even happens. But I still don't see this as a viable long-term prospect.
- The Entrepreneur. I met this guy on a work trip, and when I found out he worked only a couple of blocks from me, we decided we'll just have to do lunch sometime, and exchanged cards. But admittedly, I also thought he was incredibly cute. So obviously, I did some Googling, and found out that he is a great guy, at least on paper. Ivy-league educated, he co-founded and heads his own company that's alive and kicking after a few years, and recently launched in a new city. A few news outlets and magazines have interviewed him for articles. He seems very well spoken and down-to-earth. I'm actually quite impressed. We've been trying to schedule our lunch for a few weeks, which has been tough with his busy schedule, but I'm hopeful we'll get to it this week. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to turn a networking lunch into something else....
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Mr. Directions, Mr. Cruise, Italian Boyfriend, and The Explorer
Whew!
It's been a while since I've updated (although not nearly as long as the Realist and the Disbeliever--don't know what's up with those ladies...), but it's been an eventful week!
I spent the last 5 days in Miami working a trade show for work. It's incredibly hard work because you put in very long days, are running around on a concrete floor in dress shoes all day for 12 hours, and even after hours you do staff dinners, so you still have to be "on." I'm going to need a few days to recover from that.
BUT, this particular trade show was crawling with good looking men. It's an international show, so it attracts a lot of Europeans, who I have a weakness for, and who dress very well and smell very good.One guy I met was asking me directions somewhere and we ended up chatting for ten minutes. I wasn't attracted to him, but he was nice, and it was nice to chat for a while (and he is from another city, anyway). I saw him later that day at a reception and he introduced me to some buddies he had met that day, both of whom are from New York, and one of whom was very cute! And works only a few blocks from me! You can bet I'll be arranging a lunch with that guy. I don't know a lot about him so I'll just call him Mr. Cruise.
At the same reception, I was mingling, asking people how they like the show, basically doing my job. I talked to one guy who is Italian. It was a normal professional conversation, I guess--asking him how he liked the show and such, he responded with something and I might not have understood all of it in his broken English. We exchanged cards, and I moved on to chat with someone else. But later I saw that he had emailed me not ten minutes after that--evidently I made quite an impression on him, because he was asking when he could see me again, when I would be in Miami again, and if I was free in the next couple of days while I was in town. Well, oh my. It seems with the Europeans there is a fine line between friendly professionalism and outright asking someone out. Actually, I'm pretty sure there is no line at all--it's all fair game. A couple of nights after that I was out for drinks with colleagues and emailed him inviting him to join us. He asked where we were, and I replied with the name of the bar and street. He didn't show up. Which is fine. Might've been a little awkward being besties with some guy I just met, although my colleagues were interested in meeting my new Italian boyfriend.
Also at this show I had the pleasure of meeting a certain grandson of a famous undersea explorer. This was definitely a trip highlight, as meeting minor celebrities usually is. He was very good-looking, very charming yet also very approachable and down to Earth. I asked for a picture with him, and not only was he agreeable, but he insisted we took many shots to make sure one wasn't blurry and I had options. Too bad the guy just got married this past September.
I can't tell you the last time so many men told me how wonderful and beautiful I was in one week, including some of my international colleagues who were in town to help with the show. What girl doesn't love to hear that? They were all Europeans, though, which makes me wonder about what's up with the American men. And also whether or not I should move to Europe.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
It's been a while since I've updated (although not nearly as long as the Realist and the Disbeliever--don't know what's up with those ladies...), but it's been an eventful week!
I spent the last 5 days in Miami working a trade show for work. It's incredibly hard work because you put in very long days, are running around on a concrete floor in dress shoes all day for 12 hours, and even after hours you do staff dinners, so you still have to be "on." I'm going to need a few days to recover from that.
BUT, this particular trade show was crawling with good looking men. It's an international show, so it attracts a lot of Europeans, who I have a weakness for, and who dress very well and smell very good.One guy I met was asking me directions somewhere and we ended up chatting for ten minutes. I wasn't attracted to him, but he was nice, and it was nice to chat for a while (and he is from another city, anyway). I saw him later that day at a reception and he introduced me to some buddies he had met that day, both of whom are from New York, and one of whom was very cute! And works only a few blocks from me! You can bet I'll be arranging a lunch with that guy. I don't know a lot about him so I'll just call him Mr. Cruise.
At the same reception, I was mingling, asking people how they like the show, basically doing my job. I talked to one guy who is Italian. It was a normal professional conversation, I guess--asking him how he liked the show and such, he responded with something and I might not have understood all of it in his broken English. We exchanged cards, and I moved on to chat with someone else. But later I saw that he had emailed me not ten minutes after that--evidently I made quite an impression on him, because he was asking when he could see me again, when I would be in Miami again, and if I was free in the next couple of days while I was in town. Well, oh my. It seems with the Europeans there is a fine line between friendly professionalism and outright asking someone out. Actually, I'm pretty sure there is no line at all--it's all fair game. A couple of nights after that I was out for drinks with colleagues and emailed him inviting him to join us. He asked where we were, and I replied with the name of the bar and street. He didn't show up. Which is fine. Might've been a little awkward being besties with some guy I just met, although my colleagues were interested in meeting my new Italian boyfriend.
Also at this show I had the pleasure of meeting a certain grandson of a famous undersea explorer. This was definitely a trip highlight, as meeting minor celebrities usually is. He was very good-looking, very charming yet also very approachable and down to Earth. I asked for a picture with him, and not only was he agreeable, but he insisted we took many shots to make sure one wasn't blurry and I had options. Too bad the guy just got married this past September.
I can't tell you the last time so many men told me how wonderful and beautiful I was in one week, including some of my international colleagues who were in town to help with the show. What girl doesn't love to hear that? They were all Europeans, though, which makes me wonder about what's up with the American men. And also whether or not I should move to Europe.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Monday, March 3, 2014
No more happy-go-lucky
Well that one was short-lived, eh?
At least I assume that's the end of it. It's been a week since our date and I haven't heard from him, so I just assume that means that's that. No hard feelings here, though--I had a great time with him, but wasn't sure if there was any attraction, so I could have gone either way.
Meanwhile, an ex from long ago still creeps up and haunts me now and then. This one has been so hard to shake, because as many strides as I make in getting past it, and as much time passes that naturally moves my thinking on toward the next thing, unlike a lot of other exes, reminders of him pop up all the time just because we have such an overlapping network. Pictures with him in them fly past my eyes sometimes through my network. Or someone will mention him, and when they find out we dated, they'll say, "oh, he's such a nice guy," and I can see the thinking behind their eyes, wondering why it didn't work out. Then I find myself sad all over again. One step forward, two steps back. :(
Finally, in other news, I've been trying out a new dating app called Hinge (that I heard about through my HR rep at work, interestingly enough). It shows you pictures of singles taken from Facebook who are in your town, found through your friends as 2nd or 3rd degree connections. It tells you very brief info about them, like where they work, where they went to school, and how you're connected to them. You either give them a star, or an x. If you give each other stars, it lets you contact each other. Jury is still out on it--It's fun and simple, and I haven't been using it very long, but haven't had much luck yet. It might work better the more people use it.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
At least I assume that's the end of it. It's been a week since our date and I haven't heard from him, so I just assume that means that's that. No hard feelings here, though--I had a great time with him, but wasn't sure if there was any attraction, so I could have gone either way.
Meanwhile, an ex from long ago still creeps up and haunts me now and then. This one has been so hard to shake, because as many strides as I make in getting past it, and as much time passes that naturally moves my thinking on toward the next thing, unlike a lot of other exes, reminders of him pop up all the time just because we have such an overlapping network. Pictures with him in them fly past my eyes sometimes through my network. Or someone will mention him, and when they find out we dated, they'll say, "oh, he's such a nice guy," and I can see the thinking behind their eyes, wondering why it didn't work out. Then I find myself sad all over again. One step forward, two steps back. :(
Finally, in other news, I've been trying out a new dating app called Hinge (that I heard about through my HR rep at work, interestingly enough). It shows you pictures of singles taken from Facebook who are in your town, found through your friends as 2nd or 3rd degree connections. It tells you very brief info about them, like where they work, where they went to school, and how you're connected to them. You either give them a star, or an x. If you give each other stars, it lets you contact each other. Jury is still out on it--It's fun and simple, and I haven't been using it very long, but haven't had much luck yet. It might work better the more people use it.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky
Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky was a blind date from online. I've been on soooo many of these it's somewhat sad to say I go into them now with a healthy dose of skepticism. I usually hope to just make it through at a decent hour so I can still get something else done at home or have enough time to watch a good show on TV. Either that, or maybe it will be so awful I'll have a story I can tell for years to come.
My date with Mr. HGL seemed to be off to a good start right away. As soon as I walked into the bar I got a very friendly welcome, and we were buzzing with chatter for hours nonstop--it was just really light and fun and casual and full of humor. It came very naturally. It was surprisingly refreshing. At one point we had been talking about our favorite food to make (we're both big into cooking) when we realized we were hungry, so our two beers turned into a bar dinner, and before we knew it, we had spent 3 1/2 hours at the bar, when it really only needed to be a drink.
I'd say that went well, for a first date!
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
My date with Mr. HGL seemed to be off to a good start right away. As soon as I walked into the bar I got a very friendly welcome, and we were buzzing with chatter for hours nonstop--it was just really light and fun and casual and full of humor. It came very naturally. It was surprisingly refreshing. At one point we had been talking about our favorite food to make (we're both big into cooking) when we realized we were hungry, so our two beers turned into a bar dinner, and before we knew it, we had spent 3 1/2 hours at the bar, when it really only needed to be a drink.
I'd say that went well, for a first date!
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Monday, February 17, 2014
One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand.....
Several weeks ago I met up with The Journalist for coffee. We had a nice chat, mostly pretty light, talking about running, TV shows, books, etc. I had decided before then that I wasn't really interested in anything more than friends with him anymore. But since it didn't seem to be headed in that direction anyway, and I did still enjoy hanging out with him, I saw no reason to discontinue meeting up now and again.
When I got home, I got a troubling text message from him telling me I hadn't made enough effort to get to know him and it hurt his feelings. This is just about the opposite of my character, so I was pretty taken aback. I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I had trouble in replaying the conversation in my mind finding something I might have said that could have been hurtful. He eventually called me and we worked it out (turned out there was something on his mind that I didn't ask about?). It did weird me out a little bit, though. We were still pretty early on in the friendship and things were light and breezy--it felt a little strange for drama to arise so soon.
This weekend we met up again, for just some random fun wandering through a bookstore. He walked me to my train afterwards, and as the train was pulling up to the station, I went to say goodbye. I went in for a hug, as per usual, but I think (and didn't realize until halfway in) that he was going for a kiss, and midway through the awkwardness he ended up with a cheek. I then had an incredibly awkward 10 seconds waiting for the train to stop before I could make my escape.
I went home terribly confused. I had made up my mind weeks ago that I didn't want more than friendship, and I really didn't see him pushing things forward, either. Now it seems like we either need to have a difficult "let's just be friends" talk, or I could just go with it and see if feelings develop. On the one hand, I know a lot of people who take a long time before their feelings really develop. On the other hand, I do usually know if there's any potential there, and the last time I "gave things a chance" when I wasn't really interested, it just became painfully more and more difficult to break it off, and more and more uncomfortable for me as expectations for deeper intimacy arose.
I'm kind of leaning toward trusting my instincts. I suppose it's always possible that feelings will arise later, but I see no need to push things now when they're not there. Difficult conversation it is, then. :(
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
When I got home, I got a troubling text message from him telling me I hadn't made enough effort to get to know him and it hurt his feelings. This is just about the opposite of my character, so I was pretty taken aback. I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I had trouble in replaying the conversation in my mind finding something I might have said that could have been hurtful. He eventually called me and we worked it out (turned out there was something on his mind that I didn't ask about?). It did weird me out a little bit, though. We were still pretty early on in the friendship and things were light and breezy--it felt a little strange for drama to arise so soon.
This weekend we met up again, for just some random fun wandering through a bookstore. He walked me to my train afterwards, and as the train was pulling up to the station, I went to say goodbye. I went in for a hug, as per usual, but I think (and didn't realize until halfway in) that he was going for a kiss, and midway through the awkwardness he ended up with a cheek. I then had an incredibly awkward 10 seconds waiting for the train to stop before I could make my escape.
I went home terribly confused. I had made up my mind weeks ago that I didn't want more than friendship, and I really didn't see him pushing things forward, either. Now it seems like we either need to have a difficult "let's just be friends" talk, or I could just go with it and see if feelings develop. On the one hand, I know a lot of people who take a long time before their feelings really develop. On the other hand, I do usually know if there's any potential there, and the last time I "gave things a chance" when I wasn't really interested, it just became painfully more and more difficult to break it off, and more and more uncomfortable for me as expectations for deeper intimacy arose.
I'm kind of leaning toward trusting my instincts. I suppose it's always possible that feelings will arise later, but I see no need to push things now when they're not there. Difficult conversation it is, then. :(
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
If these are my options, it's no wonder I'm still single.
I often stress how difficult the dating market is these days, especially for those over 30. To illustrate this you really need look no further than OK Cupid, where the minions from every quirky edge of the freaky spectrum congregate together hoping to find a match.
Today's example comes from a young lad who pinged me today. With a brief but informative glance at his profile, here is what I've learned about him:
So all you folks out there who are married or otherwise attached, do me a favor today and just be grateful.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Today's example comes from a young lad who pinged me today. With a brief but informative glance at his profile, here is what I've learned about him:
- He describes himself as athletic and well-built.
- He smokes when drinking (and he drinks often)
- He does drugs sometimes
- The six things he could never do without are:
- His endowment
- Human kindness
- Weed
- What it tastes like between a woman's legs
- Porn (yes, only 5 things were listed here)
- He is 90% into women. But that other 10% comes out sometimes...
- For now he is really only looking for friends with benefits
- You should message him if: You are chill and like to play. You can have intimate sex with someone and not be mad if you don't hear from them for days.
So all you folks out there who are married or otherwise attached, do me a favor today and just be grateful.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Monday, February 3, 2014
Introducing Mr. Suave
Well, to be fair, this isn't the first time I've written about Mr. Suave. I actually wrote about him back here. But this time I'm giving him a name.
Admittedly, not much has happened yet. But my geeky girlish daydreams are a bit aflutter. My team moved offices this week, so I knew I wouldn't really have any chance to see him again. I was reluctant to reach out to him for a little while, since I had only spoken to him twice and tracking him down might appear to be a teensy bit stalker-ish. But while speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded of a line from "Risky Business":
So I said, "what the fuck." And I sent him an invitation to connect on LinkedIn (a professional networking platform, if you're not familiar). He accepted immediately, as in, within a minute. And I saw that he did view my profile (rather than just accepting from the email). So, later on in the day, I said "what the fuck" again and I sent him a note asking how the new job was going, letting him know that I moved offices, etc. He wrote back a quick reply this evening.
I know, I know, this is all kind of nothing so far. But let me just emphasize this: he is a guy who I believe who could have any girl he wants. He is very good-looking, smart, polite and kind, dresses well, smells nice, is quite a bit younger than I am :-0 .... what earthly business would he have talking to a girl like me? I am incredibly nervous just sending him an email. I practically had to ask permission of at least half a dozen friends before I even sent him a LinkedIn invitation.
I think girls do this all the time. We self-select ourselves in the dating pool according to who we think we deserve, and it probably has a lot to do with our self-esteem. I've usually had reasonable self-esteem, I suppose. I criticize myself as much as the next person and have a healthy dose of humility, but I generally believe I'm a good person, and I don't really have a history of dating jerks because I think I deserve better. But I can't say I've ever been the kind of girl who would talk to ANY guy I want. I, too, self-select myself. And honestly, I tend to be too shy to even talk to the guys who I think might be good for me. (Hmm, I'm starting to see why I never get anywhere with guys....) Anyway, so talking to a guy who literally makes me flush and think thoughts of "I'm not worthy" is a big deal for me. Am I worthy? Well, sure--he's only human, and he has plenty of faults (somewhere....). I may not completely feel worthy yet, but I'm faking it. So even if it doesn't go well, I already feel stronger. :)
Although to be honest, I think I would like him more if I knew some of those faults of his. Perfection is highly overrated.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Admittedly, not much has happened yet. But my geeky girlish daydreams are a bit aflutter. My team moved offices this week, so I knew I wouldn't really have any chance to see him again. I was reluctant to reach out to him for a little while, since I had only spoken to him twice and tracking him down might appear to be a teensy bit stalker-ish. But while speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded of a line from "Risky Business":
"Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel. Every now and then saying "What the Fuck" brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future."
So I said, "what the fuck." And I sent him an invitation to connect on LinkedIn (a professional networking platform, if you're not familiar). He accepted immediately, as in, within a minute. And I saw that he did view my profile (rather than just accepting from the email). So, later on in the day, I said "what the fuck" again and I sent him a note asking how the new job was going, letting him know that I moved offices, etc. He wrote back a quick reply this evening.
I think girls do this all the time. We self-select ourselves in the dating pool according to who we think we deserve, and it probably has a lot to do with our self-esteem. I've usually had reasonable self-esteem, I suppose. I criticize myself as much as the next person and have a healthy dose of humility, but I generally believe I'm a good person, and I don't really have a history of dating jerks because I think I deserve better. But I can't say I've ever been the kind of girl who would talk to ANY guy I want. I, too, self-select myself. And honestly, I tend to be too shy to even talk to the guys who I think might be good for me. (Hmm, I'm starting to see why I never get anywhere with guys....) Anyway, so talking to a guy who literally makes me flush and think thoughts of "I'm not worthy" is a big deal for me. Am I worthy? Well, sure--he's only human, and he has plenty of faults (somewhere....). I may not completely feel worthy yet, but I'm faking it. So even if it doesn't go well, I already feel stronger. :)
Although to be honest, I think I would like him more if I knew some of those faults of his. Perfection is highly overrated.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Saturday, February 1, 2014
RIP Manners. Again.
The other day I was standing on the sidewalk and I saw a young guy and girl crossing the street. There was a small bank of snow/ice on the corner. The guy jumped over the bank checked his phone on the sidewalk while the girl in her heels tiptoed over the ice and tried to keep from falling over while she struggled to make her way to the sidewalk.
I'm all for feminism and equal treatment, but is it so wrong that I mourn the death of common decency and basic manners, let alone chivalry? Basic manners should go without saying, but it seems like manners have gone so far downhill that any sort of gentlemanly behavior would earn a guy a trophy for man of the year. If complaining about the poor manners of KIDS TODAY makes me old, then I will wear my gray hair and snarky attitude like a badge of honor.
I was *this* close to yelling at that guy, "take her hand, you stupid f-ing kid!"
*sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
I'm all for feminism and equal treatment, but is it so wrong that I mourn the death of common decency and basic manners, let alone chivalry? Basic manners should go without saying, but it seems like manners have gone so far downhill that any sort of gentlemanly behavior would earn a guy a trophy for man of the year. If complaining about the poor manners of KIDS TODAY makes me old, then I will wear my gray hair and snarky attitude like a badge of honor.
I was *this* close to yelling at that guy, "take her hand, you stupid f-ing kid!"
*sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Date? #3
The Journalist continues to be as puzzling as ever.
Yesterday we went out for the third time (outside of work). This time he came out to my town, I walked him around a little to show him around, and we settled into an Irish pub to watch a basketball game. We ordered tea (I got hot tea because I was feeling a little under the weather, but he followed suit. I actually suspect that he doesn't drink.) and appetizers and talked for the duration of the game and then some.
Then we talked about what to do next. We had been chatting about movies, so we looked into a nearby movie theater. They weren't showing anything that we were interested in or hadn't already seen. We ended up deciding to go to my apartment to play board games.
I was a little reluctant to go back to my apartment, because that's generally a new level of intimacy, and I still wasn't sure what was going on with this guy--were we dating, or just friends? Still, I was comfortable with him and trusted that I'd be able to call the shots if anything physical went on. I wasn't even sure it would come to that, and if we were just friends, I have friends over all the time. So I was fine with it.
We played Trivial Pursuit. That's really all. He beat me big time, but I'm not sure my mental devices were all there--I was feeling sick and my brain was fuzzy. I couldn't even remember the name of my apartment building earlier on in the evening. By the time he left around 1am, my cold/sinus thing that had been growing all day was really rearing, and I'm sure I looked a fright with a red nose and blood-shot eyes. Maybe I should have called it a night earlier, but I was having a good time. Anyway, he never made the slightest move. Not at all. Now that I think of it, I probably can't blame him.
A friend of mine the other day told me to stop freaking out about what to "call" whatever this relationship is, and just enjoy it and let it do its natural thing. Maybe it's a type "A" thing to want to know how to define it. My friend is right--regardless of what it is, it's nice and I enjoy spending time with him. But I can't help thinking about where it will go because I'm not completely sure how to act around him. It's difficult for me to see him in a romantic light, so I'm really not sure if I have romantic feelings for him.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Yesterday we went out for the third time (outside of work). This time he came out to my town, I walked him around a little to show him around, and we settled into an Irish pub to watch a basketball game. We ordered tea (I got hot tea because I was feeling a little under the weather, but he followed suit. I actually suspect that he doesn't drink.) and appetizers and talked for the duration of the game and then some.
Then we talked about what to do next. We had been chatting about movies, so we looked into a nearby movie theater. They weren't showing anything that we were interested in or hadn't already seen. We ended up deciding to go to my apartment to play board games.
I was a little reluctant to go back to my apartment, because that's generally a new level of intimacy, and I still wasn't sure what was going on with this guy--were we dating, or just friends? Still, I was comfortable with him and trusted that I'd be able to call the shots if anything physical went on. I wasn't even sure it would come to that, and if we were just friends, I have friends over all the time. So I was fine with it.
We played Trivial Pursuit. That's really all. He beat me big time, but I'm not sure my mental devices were all there--I was feeling sick and my brain was fuzzy. I couldn't even remember the name of my apartment building earlier on in the evening. By the time he left around 1am, my cold/sinus thing that had been growing all day was really rearing, and I'm sure I looked a fright with a red nose and blood-shot eyes. Maybe I should have called it a night earlier, but I was having a good time. Anyway, he never made the slightest move. Not at all. Now that I think of it, I probably can't blame him.
A friend of mine the other day told me to stop freaking out about what to "call" whatever this relationship is, and just enjoy it and let it do its natural thing. Maybe it's a type "A" thing to want to know how to define it. My friend is right--regardless of what it is, it's nice and I enjoy spending time with him. But I can't help thinking about where it will go because I'm not completely sure how to act around him. It's difficult for me to see him in a romantic light, so I'm really not sure if I have romantic feelings for him.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Friday, January 17, 2014
Here's my number. For scientific purposes, of course.
There's something that I've been pondering for a while, I've just been unsure how to organize my thoughts for the blog. I think I'm ready now.
It's true that I find it offensive when other people postulate on my behalf why I might still be single. There's just nothing like someone else pointing out your faults unsolicited to make you want to poke some eyes out. However, that doesn't mean I don't wonder about it myself. People of all kinds find love all the time. What should I do differently?
Now, obviously, since so many people on Earth find love (it's not like it really takes a special skill), it's pretty difficult to make a determination of the one trait or action that ensures success. It doesn't take a special kind of person, or doing a particular thing. It works differently for everyone. Still, the social scientist in me looks for something I can learn. Is there anything they have in common? Or, something that "successful" daters have in common that maybe I'm lacking? ("Successful" is somewhat a relative term, but humor me here).
I may have a theory. I do have a couple of friends who are very different than I am, in that they basically are able to date whomever they want. They often are dating more than one guy at a time. And if I'm being perfectly honest, they're not what you would think of as traditionally "desireble" girls. Then it hit me. There is a major, glaring thing they have that I don't:
Confidence.
They can have any guy they want because they GO FOR IT. They believe in themselves, that they are worth it, that they are wonderful, and that any guy would be lucky to have them. And guys can tell. And it's hot.
Confidence is one thing I've never really had in spades like some others do. I think I have a lot to offer a guy, but bashfulness often holds me back in a lot of social situations, particularly involving guys. Especially involving guys I might be interested in.
So, after tiring a bit from people telling me how great I am and that they just don't get why I have trouble dating (flattering as that is, it isn't helpful), the social scientist in me decided to try an experiment. I'm going to fake it. The saying is, "fake it 'til you make it." So, if I pretend that I'm a much more confident person, maybe eventually my psyche will catch up and will actually be, in fact, more confident. I will pretend that I really am that girl--that I can get any guy I want. So I will talk to the cutest guy in the room, and smile at him and *gasp* maybe even flirt. You may scoff at this and say, "well, of course that's what you should do!" But I can't stress enough how far this takes me out of my comfort zone. These will be guys who I think can have any girl they want, and my mind tells me, what business would they have talking to me? It takes a lot of gumption to get myself to do it. But for the sake of science and seeing if this changes my luck at all, I will take one for the team.
Exhibit A was today. There is a new guy in my office who last week, stopped by my desk several times to ask me questions--where is the bathroom, how does the transit card work, etc. My cubicle mates interpreted this as interest on his part, and a pretty respectable move. But today he walked past my desk a handful of times and never said anything. This puzzled me. Ah, but one of my dating advisers suggested that he initially put a feeler out, and now he's pulling back to see how I react. He was testing the waters. So I took the next move. I went over to his desk to talk to him. Again, don't scoff--this took a lot of guts. While talking to him (re: gazing at his lovely sincere hazel eyes and perfectly masculine face and his put-together stylish clothes hanging on his very attractive physique and *sigh* am I flushed? am I melting at the knees?) *ahem* I mean, I was listening intently to what he was saying and smiling and dear g.o.d. I hope I was answering intelligently..... where was I going with this? Anyway, it was a nice, polite conversation. Not sure it will go anywhere since my group will be moving offices soon, so I may not see him again. But I felt proud of myself for talking to him. I'm not sure if there really exists an objective measure as "guy who can get any girl he wants" because it's largely relative and a matter of taste (he might not be all girls' type!), but he certainly was in my book, so I am practicing my balls-out confident approach. Stay tuned on how that experiment goes--I'm sure I'll be writing more.
All in the name of science, of course.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
It's true that I find it offensive when other people postulate on my behalf why I might still be single. There's just nothing like someone else pointing out your faults unsolicited to make you want to poke some eyes out. However, that doesn't mean I don't wonder about it myself. People of all kinds find love all the time. What should I do differently?
Now, obviously, since so many people on Earth find love (it's not like it really takes a special skill), it's pretty difficult to make a determination of the one trait or action that ensures success. It doesn't take a special kind of person, or doing a particular thing. It works differently for everyone. Still, the social scientist in me looks for something I can learn. Is there anything they have in common? Or, something that "successful" daters have in common that maybe I'm lacking? ("Successful" is somewhat a relative term, but humor me here).
I may have a theory. I do have a couple of friends who are very different than I am, in that they basically are able to date whomever they want. They often are dating more than one guy at a time. And if I'm being perfectly honest, they're not what you would think of as traditionally "desireble" girls. Then it hit me. There is a major, glaring thing they have that I don't:
Confidence.
They can have any guy they want because they GO FOR IT. They believe in themselves, that they are worth it, that they are wonderful, and that any guy would be lucky to have them. And guys can tell. And it's hot.
Confidence is one thing I've never really had in spades like some others do. I think I have a lot to offer a guy, but bashfulness often holds me back in a lot of social situations, particularly involving guys. Especially involving guys I might be interested in.
So, after tiring a bit from people telling me how great I am and that they just don't get why I have trouble dating (flattering as that is, it isn't helpful), the social scientist in me decided to try an experiment. I'm going to fake it. The saying is, "fake it 'til you make it." So, if I pretend that I'm a much more confident person, maybe eventually my psyche will catch up and will actually be, in fact, more confident. I will pretend that I really am that girl--that I can get any guy I want. So I will talk to the cutest guy in the room, and smile at him and *gasp* maybe even flirt. You may scoff at this and say, "well, of course that's what you should do!" But I can't stress enough how far this takes me out of my comfort zone. These will be guys who I think can have any girl they want, and my mind tells me, what business would they have talking to me? It takes a lot of gumption to get myself to do it. But for the sake of science and seeing if this changes my luck at all, I will take one for the team.
Exhibit A was today. There is a new guy in my office who last week, stopped by my desk several times to ask me questions--where is the bathroom, how does the transit card work, etc. My cubicle mates interpreted this as interest on his part, and a pretty respectable move. But today he walked past my desk a handful of times and never said anything. This puzzled me. Ah, but one of my dating advisers suggested that he initially put a feeler out, and now he's pulling back to see how I react. He was testing the waters. So I took the next move. I went over to his desk to talk to him. Again, don't scoff--this took a lot of guts. While talking to him (re: gazing at his lovely sincere hazel eyes and perfectly masculine face and his put-together stylish clothes hanging on his very attractive physique and *sigh* am I flushed? am I melting at the knees?) *ahem* I mean, I was listening intently to what he was saying and smiling and dear g.o.d. I hope I was answering intelligently..... where was I going with this? Anyway, it was a nice, polite conversation. Not sure it will go anywhere since my group will be moving offices soon, so I may not see him again. But I felt proud of myself for talking to him. I'm not sure if there really exists an objective measure as "guy who can get any girl he wants" because it's largely relative and a matter of taste (he might not be all girls' type!), but he certainly was in my book, so I am practicing my balls-out confident approach. Stay tuned on how that experiment goes--I'm sure I'll be writing more.
All in the name of science, of course.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Thursday, January 16, 2014
I'm a scary monster. Rar.
Got the following message today online:
I've been wondering a little about this lately, because I hear this from people all the time (who, unsolicited, try to decide why I'm still single. That's annoying and insulting, by the way--don't do that). They decide that men must be intimidated by me. My initial reaction has always been that this is bullshit--I'm no supermodel. I'm very nice and approachable. People like me date all the time--why would men be intimidated to talk to me in particular?
The Realist recently did some unscientific research (a'la Facebook) and determined that when men are intimidated by women, it's because they themselves are insecure. Secure men are not intimidated. That makes perfect sense to me, but where are all the secure men? Are the really all married off already or otherwise off the market? Is this how great women get squeezed into being spinsters forever? *shutters*
I still refuse to believe that I've fallen through the cracks. Need to try some new things. Maybe I'll just start winking at guys on the train or on the street. Gotta be careful about that, though--there are a lot of creeps in the city. *sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
You're gorgeous but also very intimidating I was somewhat nervous to message you but said what do I have to lose lol. The fact your on this site gives me very little hope for myself lol. I'm Ben by the way if you're at all attracted to me I'd love to talk sometime!
I've been wondering a little about this lately, because I hear this from people all the time (who, unsolicited, try to decide why I'm still single. That's annoying and insulting, by the way--don't do that). They decide that men must be intimidated by me. My initial reaction has always been that this is bullshit--I'm no supermodel. I'm very nice and approachable. People like me date all the time--why would men be intimidated to talk to me in particular?
The Realist recently did some unscientific research (a'la Facebook) and determined that when men are intimidated by women, it's because they themselves are insecure. Secure men are not intimidated. That makes perfect sense to me, but where are all the secure men? Are the really all married off already or otherwise off the market? Is this how great women get squeezed into being spinsters forever? *shutters*
I still refuse to believe that I've fallen through the cracks. Need to try some new things. Maybe I'll just start winking at guys on the train or on the street. Gotta be careful about that, though--there are a lot of creeps in the city. *sigh*
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Red-eyed monster: Friend or Foe?
I know virtually no one reads this blog anymore, but I have a question for the world, anyway.
There's a phenomenon that most folks are aware of and nearly everyone goes through. It's the thing that happens when you're feeling a little bit down--you start to long for happier times. This inevitably leads your mind to think about an ex. You start to miss him/her, wonder what he/she is up to, and think you really screwed things up before, so you want to give it another chance. I'll call this the red-eyed monster--you feel down and vulnerable, so your mind tricks you into thinking you want to be with someone. It's usually where booty calls come from, or even leading people to try to get back together.
So here is my question. When a certain ex keeps invading your thoughts, how can you tell if you truly do miss him and want to be with him, or if it's just the red-eyed monster trying to trick you? I know of lots of people who try to get back together with exes. Sometimes it fails miserably, and sometimes it actually works out--maybe the timing wasn't right the first time, they managed to work out their issues, etc. When people seek an old flame, why is it sometimes romantic and sometimes pathetically desperate?
Just wondering.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
There's a phenomenon that most folks are aware of and nearly everyone goes through. It's the thing that happens when you're feeling a little bit down--you start to long for happier times. This inevitably leads your mind to think about an ex. You start to miss him/her, wonder what he/she is up to, and think you really screwed things up before, so you want to give it another chance. I'll call this the red-eyed monster--you feel down and vulnerable, so your mind tricks you into thinking you want to be with someone. It's usually where booty calls come from, or even leading people to try to get back together.
So here is my question. When a certain ex keeps invading your thoughts, how can you tell if you truly do miss him and want to be with him, or if it's just the red-eyed monster trying to trick you? I know of lots of people who try to get back together with exes. Sometimes it fails miserably, and sometimes it actually works out--maybe the timing wasn't right the first time, they managed to work out their issues, etc. When people seek an old flame, why is it sometimes romantic and sometimes pathetically desperate?
Just wondering.
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Friday, January 10, 2014
When friends at work play office pimp
Mr. Suave first came by my desk at work today asking me where the bathroom is. I assumed he was a visitor in the building, and gave him directions to the men's room without giving it too much thought. Well, too much thought other than how cute he was, and impeccably presented. Very well dressed, perfectly shaved and groomed, and good-looking in an almost too-perfect kind of way. That's why I'm calling him Mr. Suave. I normally don't go for the too-perfect guys; I actually like a little ruggedness and natural swagger to a guy. Still, a prospect is a prospect...
He came back later in the afternoon to chat again. He had several more questions, and I wish I could remember how he started the conversation, but it came out that he's new on the floor--just started working there two weeks ago. He asked a few questions about our benefits, we talked about neighborhood restaurants and commuting, etc. My colleague Jane, who sits next to me (and works in sales--she is incredibly friendly and chatty), helped out with the conversation by keeping it going, throwing out some fun facts about me, asking him questions to dig up information about him, telling him how nice I was and he should come back anytime to chat with me and I can help him out, etc. After he went away, both Jane and another guy who sits nearby (we're all good friends and look out for each other's dating lives), stood up to de-brief the conversation.
"Jane, you are a great wingwoman!" I said.
Jane replied,"Of course! That guy was cute!"
Our guy colleague said, "<Skeptic>! I saw what was going on there. That guy has game! I think he likes you!"
The unfortunate thing is, my team will be moving offices to a different part of town very soon. That means that I have two weeks to build a friendship with this guy and exchange numbers before we move. Let the games begin!
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
He came back later in the afternoon to chat again. He had several more questions, and I wish I could remember how he started the conversation, but it came out that he's new on the floor--just started working there two weeks ago. He asked a few questions about our benefits, we talked about neighborhood restaurants and commuting, etc. My colleague Jane, who sits next to me (and works in sales--she is incredibly friendly and chatty), helped out with the conversation by keeping it going, throwing out some fun facts about me, asking him questions to dig up information about him, telling him how nice I was and he should come back anytime to chat with me and I can help him out, etc. After he went away, both Jane and another guy who sits nearby (we're all good friends and look out for each other's dating lives), stood up to de-brief the conversation.
"Jane, you are a great wingwoman!" I said.
Jane replied,"Of course! That guy was cute!"
Our guy colleague said, "<Skeptic>! I saw what was going on there. That guy has game! I think he likes you!"
The unfortunate thing is, my team will be moving offices to a different part of town very soon. That means that I have two weeks to build a friendship with this guy and exchange numbers before we move. Let the games begin!
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
Monday, January 6, 2014
Mr. Notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat
On Saturday I had a coffee date with a guy from online, we'll call him Mr. Not-that-there's-anything-wrong-with-that. For the most part it was like any other disappointing date--conversation was pretty dry and dull and there was no connection at all.
But here's what made it a little different than other dates I've been on. This gentleman arrived to our date with the assistance of a wheelchair. And I had absolutely no knowledge of this ahead of time.
Now, let me be absolutely clear. Being in a wheelchair does make things a little more complicated, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker for me. And I can see how he would be reluctant to share that up front, as maybe he wouldn't want to be judged for it. And really, dude can put whatever he wants in his profile--he doesn't have to share his whole life. All that being said, I found myself still a little annoyed that he sprung that on me like that. Why misrepresent yourself? His profile pictures did not include this, so perhaps they were all a little old (taken before his accident or whatever happened--he didn't actually tell me).
So here's my question. How much information do you need to know before you meet someone? I never really did have a list of prerequisite information, but I would have assumed that I would know the important things, like is this guy single (I won't date married men), does he have kids, does he live in the area, etc. If someone didn't tell you until the third date that he had children, would you be upset? What if he had recently gained (or lost!) fifty pounds--wouldn't you want his picture to show what he actually looks like now? We all don't want folks to judge us for who we are, but why not be up front about who we are? I'm a big fan of openness and honesty, and if people judge me for who I am, that's their issue, not mine.
What are your thoughts?
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
But here's what made it a little different than other dates I've been on. This gentleman arrived to our date with the assistance of a wheelchair. And I had absolutely no knowledge of this ahead of time.
Now, let me be absolutely clear. Being in a wheelchair does make things a little more complicated, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker for me. And I can see how he would be reluctant to share that up front, as maybe he wouldn't want to be judged for it. And really, dude can put whatever he wants in his profile--he doesn't have to share his whole life. All that being said, I found myself still a little annoyed that he sprung that on me like that. Why misrepresent yourself? His profile pictures did not include this, so perhaps they were all a little old (taken before his accident or whatever happened--he didn't actually tell me).
So here's my question. How much information do you need to know before you meet someone? I never really did have a list of prerequisite information, but I would have assumed that I would know the important things, like is this guy single (I won't date married men), does he have kids, does he live in the area, etc. If someone didn't tell you until the third date that he had children, would you be upset? What if he had recently gained (or lost!) fifty pounds--wouldn't you want his picture to show what he actually looks like now? We all don't want folks to judge us for who we are, but why not be up front about who we are? I'm a big fan of openness and honesty, and if people judge me for who I am, that's their issue, not mine.
What are your thoughts?
Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic
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