On the other hand....

The Great Dane and I have been trying to find time to catch up on Skype, but with a 6-hour time difference, that's been tricky. So he just up and called me tonight. Who does that? From around the world?

I don't know what it is about this guy. I'm so drawn to him. He's smart and very laid back, and easy to talk to. And we had that one incredibly romantic evening in New York. *sigh*

Turns out, he might have secured a gig in Los Angeles, so he might be moving to the states! 

The practical part of me says, "stop this--if something happens, fine, but you can't wait around for a small chance. Date other guys! Forget this one!" But the romantic dreamer in me can't help but daydream about it. I would visit him in LA.....

I'm not holding out hope. But I will take the next five minutes to daydream.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So, let's recap what's been going on with the Journalist, shall we?

Journalist had a very obvious giant crush on me (constantly flirting with me at work). We started having lunches together. Just as I was wondering if the guy would ever ask me out, he told me about a date he went on. Flabbergasted, I decided that planted him firmly in friend territory. I will not pursue--he must make a move if he wants more.

So we became work buddies (or work "spouses," if you like that term). Some time went by and his flirting increased. I again began to wonder what was really going on. A trusted guy friend suggested that maybe before when he told me about his date, he was actually pretty shy and that was his (clumsy) way of telling me he was available. Huh. I thought that possibility might be true, but before I even did anything about it, the Journalist actually asked me out. Well, he asked if I'd want to hang out outside of work. Whatever that is.

So we went out to a museum. Was it a date? I don't know.

Which brings us to today. We were chatting and he shared that he's been having a bad week, because of this and that, and he recently broke up with a girl he's been seeing.

UGH.

Now I feel like a complete fool. Maybe it still is true that he does/did have a crush on me, but that being the case, it would seem he's a guy to keep girls on the hook to date them the next time things don't go well. It's kind of a lame player move, honestly. Time to find a new guy. I've had enough of this stupid confusing shit.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

You've got a friend in me....

Date(?) with the Journalist on Saturday.

It's weird that I'm still not exactly sure if it was a date. On the one hand, it had many signs of a date--spending time together outside of work, on a Saturday, going to a museum and playfully chatting about all the contents therein, etc. It's actually a fantastic idea for a date--you get to see cool stuff, you never really run out of things to talk about because you can just keep talking about the stuff you see, and you can really get to know someone by what they share with you and what they think about the stuff.

On the other hand, he ended our day together with a hug.

Hmm.

All in all, I had a good time. He is very easy to talk to, and very intelligent. One of the exhibits we toured was of Spanish-American home art, and I giggled when he translated the Spanish for me (my Spanish may be a little rusty now, but I did minor in it--shh don't tell him just yet), but I still let him do it. I think it gave him a little boost. The chemistry is somewhat a question mark right now. I admit I was a little curious about what it would be like to kiss him, and I wondered if we ended up in a quiet corner of the museum if he might go for the opportunity (he didn't). But I wasn't thinking about kissing him the entire date (don't judge, but sometimes that is the case on dates). In my experience, that curiosity is enough, and can definitely grow to much more once a relationship develops. But it was a little tricky to see things in a romantic light when the entire date was so G-rated. I would like to go out with him again and see if there is any romance there. It just isn't coming naturally--maybe because we've had so many work lunches?

I can be a bit of a slow mover sometimes, but I think I have met my match on that note with this guy. A part of me likes to take this slow, because I'm not sure I'm actually ready to dive into a relationship after one date (and is anyone ever? maybe this is more natural pace--a relationship is, after all, more than lust). But another part of me wants to at least know in the smallest way if there's any romantic potential here before I invest too much time.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I hate games. I don't like Monopoly, either.

So the Journalist and I have exchanged numbers and emails, and have been trying to arrange a time/date and activity for our first date. Well, I assume it's a date.

I'm currently stuck in the place where I have a cell phone like most people that gives me email, so I know right away when he emails me (or texts). And I really do not believe in rules or games, because if he really is the right guy for me he won't care when I get back to him (and if we got married, looking back, details like that won't matter). BUT. There's still this little voice in side me that says, "don't write back right away! Let him sweat it out for a little while!" I HATE that voice. I HATE games/rules. It's shit like this that's why I hate dating--I'd rather skip all this bullshit horse and pony show and just get to dating someone seriously and regularly. You know that cozy place where you know you're going to see each other every weekend and it's all cuddly and happy. Can I just skip to that?

Anyway, if we ever get this stuff figured out, I might have a date this weekend. Will be very interesting to see how this goes! Long time in the making (about 4 months, but who's counting?).

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

"Is your husband or boyfriend a runner?"

Remember me? Realist here checkin’ in with the remix.

There is a lot on my soundtrack. Crazy stories that I would love to blog, but it would take me a lifetime to write everything.

I should be on a dating reality show with all the stuff that I attract. I am writing about this one because I value the opinion of my readers.

As I was walking to the gym, I realized I had left my water bottle in my car. The guy parked next to me had his window down and asked about the kinesiology tape on my legs. It gets so much attention and is a man magnet!

“Is that a tattoo?!” he asked.

“No. It’s therapy tape,” I said. Then I explained what it does.

“Oh, I was gonna say that I can’t believe you would get a tattoo like that. If I had legs like you, I would show them off.”

Whoa, there! Here we go haha.

Keep in mind that I am cracking up the ENTIRE time of this conversation. I wish I had a film crew with me!

“What do you do for your legs?”

“I run.”

“I can see. I don’t run. I just lift.”

“How much do you lift?”

He said it but I could not follow. I had no clue what he was talking about.

“I have no idea what you said,” I laughed.

“Do you run marathons?”

“No. I am not a professional! My first marathon is in April in Long Branch. Half marathons are my longest race.”

“I don’t know. For all I know I could be talking to a f#$%#ing famous runner!”

I continue laughing, really loud.

“Is your boyfriend or husband a runner?”

I laugh so loud that China can hear me.

“Do you date only runners?"

“I prefer runners but it would be awesome if I dated a pro….or a celebrity.” I paused. “Are you trying to figure out if I am single?"

“Well, what about your boyfriend or husband?”

“Oh my goodness!"

“I am sorry for cursing. I hope that didn’t offend you.”

I actually did not realize he cursed, but I didn’t say that I didn’t notice. I like a man who is cognizant of his language and tries to be gentlemanly!

“Well, I don’t curse…..”

“Oh I’m so sorry! I won’t curse anymore. Just for you."

I laugh some more.

“You don’t need to curse. Don’t. Stay the way you are.”

Hmmm…smooth talker.

Then we talked about what we do for work. He is an engineer.

“Where are you going now?”

“To the gym!”

“Oh, I am going to go to Signature (another gym) to get a protein shake.”

We talked about protein shakes. Ey, don’t judge me.

Then we talked about where we live. Of course he was wondering if I ever got shot or mugged, considering I live in one of the most dangerous cities in the US, but I love it here. “Danga” is my middle name.  Scandalous is my first. ;)

“I am moving though,” I said.

“Move in with me!”

“Wow! You are very forward!”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”

I keep laughing. I didn’t know what else to say!

He gave me his number and said he hopes to hear from me so we can go out one day.

 

I do not know how I feel about this. I only saw him from his torso up. He wore a hoodie. He is not who I would consider as a potential. I was turned off by his forward approach, especially with that boyfriend/husband question. I HATE when guys ask that! Just say you are digging me and want to take me out! Men are such wimps. I can understand why though. I gave the poor guy a hard time haha all I did was laugh! I was caught off guard and found it funny that my tape was the bait. It sure works! He had a firm handshake though. I like a man who means it!

I thought it was so funny that he asked if I would date a non-runner since “runners tend to date other runners”. Actually, yes. I prefer to date my own breed. Running is a big part of my life and I would like to share that with someone who has the same interest. I know I am being very rigid by wanting to date a runner. If he does not run, then he must have some sort of athletic hobby and be in shape. Fitness is a non-negotiable quality in a man. That, and the guy must be not shady. It’s all I ask!

I should suggest a running date with this guy. He better be faster than me!

I don’t know if I will contact this guy. I wasn’t feeling it. His game was terrible, but I thought the conversation was funny because of his lack of game. I give him credit though. It is not easy. Should I give him a chance? If I do, I don’t want him thinking I am leading him on if I end up not liking him. I don’t feel any attraction toward him. Looks are not the only thing, but I feel like this guy would fit well in the friend zone.

To date, or not to date? That is the question.

 

Keepin’ it real,

Realist

And finally, a positive development...

Wait a minute now, I think things just got a little bit more interesting.

I had a routine lunch with The Journalist today. Great conversation, lots of laughter, as usual. Walking back to the office, he made note that after his contract ends at the end of the month, we won't have these lunches anymore. "I'll miss you!" he said. "Would you like to hang out again anyway?"

"Yes, I'd like that!" I said. When I got back to my desk, I sent him my personal email and cell phone number.

It was a really subtle moment--kind of came and went like a whisper. But I got happier about it as the day went on. I've really enjoyed spending time with this guy, and lately that little spark has been there in his little touches when he talks to me (and I don't mean dry static sparks! bah dum bum!). I'm glad he finally manned up and went for it. I like the way this is going now. Hopefully I won't have to wait another month again before anything new happens!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Touch me once, touch me twice

The journalist has settled into role of my work husband. Which is fine--we all know how the work-husband relationships work.

But.... he is also quite a touchy guy. He touches me on the arm or hand when he talks to me frequently. When he talks to me, he often starts out talking to me over the cubicle wall, but then moves around to be next to me at my desk. he ALWAYS compliments something that I'm wearing--jewelry, scarf, outfit, etc. Is he just a chronic flirt? Is he genuinely coming on to me? It's things like these that made me convinced he had a crush on me to begin with, but I wouldn't be surprised if he acted that way with a lot of girls.

To add to the puzzle, our work-marriage is headed for an impasse. He is a contractor, and his contract is up at the end of the year, so he's been job hunting. I also just found out that my team will be changing offices in January, so I'll be in a different location, anyway. After the time he told me about his date, I decided he is firmly in friend territory until he suggests otherwise, since I'm not going to pursue the un-pursue-able. But...... is it do or die time now? Even though he's a friend, and even though it may mean nothing, every time he touches me on the arm I get that kind of electric feeling and wind up daydreaming for the rest of the day. Then again..... I'm also (nearly at the same time!) daydreaming about the Great Dane. Clearly I'm in a foggy state of mind, replaying the old "hits," and probably I just want *some*one in my life and these two guys are just conveniently top of mind. But I just can't tell what to do here! I hate trying to interpret guy actions. Someone just tell me what he wants. Or better yet, HE SHOULD just tell me what he wants. Ugh.

Lunch with the Journalist tomorrow. I don't anticipate anything unusual happening, but I feel it necessary to bring up the fact that our lunches will soon come to an end.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Dead-end?

I sent the Great Dane an email just to say hello, asking how things are going. He wants to Skype soon! Is it bad that I'm kind of geeked about it? *sigh*

I need to find someone new to go out with. Someone in the country, ideally.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

They all come back....

Remember the Cuban Teacher?

In light of the way things left off after our one date a couple of months ago, I was quite surprised to get the following message from him:

"Remember moi? How have you been? Want to give it another shot? :0) "

HA. Wonder what gave him the idea that I'd want to see him again? No, thanks. But thank you for the laugh today.

Trying to stay positive,

Skeptic

So much for Makeup Man

I met Makeup Man online. He is a product developer for a major cosmetics company (sort of a lipstick lab rat). He seemed promising because he was unusually more of a gentleman than a lot of other guys who pop up online (sad as it is to say, it doesn't take much). He was proactive in reaching out to me, he was responsive and understanding to my requests (like wanting to meet up right away rather than pointless message exchanges over and over). We chatted briefly on the phone a few days before we met, and he seemed sweet and genuine, and it was nice that we seemed to see eye to eye on some things (at least from what I could tell this early on). I was optimistic. After probing a bit about my food preferences/limitations, he even came up with a place for us to meet on his own, and suggested a place in my town. May seem like a small thing to some people, but I very much appreciated it.

The place that he picked out was a great bar in town with excellent food. I hadn't been there before, but now that I know about it, I'll definitely have to go back. Very cozy, nice unpretentious crowd, kind of small, and a towny bar without being too divey. I loved it. He was very nice--almost your stereotypical "nice guy"--the kind of guy who is friends with all the girls because he's "safe," kind of a nerd, happy-go-lucky, and generally a gentleman. I could tell that very easily about him. But I kept searching for any kind of chemistry. It wasn't there. If I had met him in other circumstances, (and I realize how bad this sounds), I would have been convinced he was gay. He actually reminded me a lot of one of my closest gay friends (which may contribute to it). And I kept asking myself, do I want to hug him? Can I see myself kissing him? Is there a spark in our conversation at least? I kept coming up empty. I can do a good job keeping up a sparkling conversation, but even the conversation was quite forced, and I should have cut the evening shorter than I did, but am a sucker for being polite, so I agreed to a second drink.

On the sidewalk was time for the awkward goodbye. He asked if I'd like to do this again sometime, and I said sure (I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. What can I say--I'm a total wimp and hate being put on the spot. How could I say no to his face? I've got to work on that). He went for the kiss, but I did manage to give him a cheek, and then promptly made my escape.

I walked home from there shaking my head at myself. Another one bites the dust, and now I have to figure out a way to let this guy down. As I'm writing this post, I got a text from him. Trying to get up the courage to cut the cord. *sigh*

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

From The Journalist to Makeup Man

Had another lunch with The Journalist today, who is turning out to basically be my work husband, since we confide in each other about a lot of work stuff. It's still as confusing as ever, as he is a bit of a toucher, and there was one awkward moment during our lunch conversation when one topic ended, and instead of starting another conversation, he just stared at me and smiled. In many cases, I would take the opportunity to flirt. But since The Journalist has planted himself solidly in friend territory, I just awkwardly looked around and gave him a WTF look. Dude--you are a work friend until you give notice otherwise. You made that decision yourself when you decided to tell me about your date.

Anyway, stay tuned for a new introduction..... Makeup Man!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

RIP Chivalry

Last week while I was at home resting after a long week of travel for work, I was flipping through channels and came across an old Disney movie from 1960, Swiss Family Robinson. It's based on the classic book wherein a family gets shipwrecked and makes their home on a deserted island. It's Disney-style campy, but I loved it when I was younger because I loved daydreaming about having a house in a tree.

At one point in the movie, the two oldest sons, Fritz and Ernst, start a voyage around the coast to see if the island is actually an island. They rescue a boy held captive by pirates, and they all run away in escape. Later on, Fritz and Ernst discover that the boy is, in fact, a girl. Suddenly, the pattern of rough boy treatment flipped dramatically into the boys falling over themselves to hold her hand and help her carefully walk over the rocks.

In contrast to that, the next day I was back at the airport for another work trip. While standing by the gate waiting to board, one man blew past me as his boarding group was called, dragging his suitcase behind him. His suitcase whacked me in the leg. The man didn't even glance back, let alone apologize.

It's official: chivalry is 100% dead, 6-feet under, pushing daisies (and arguably, even basic manners). I've been somewhat mourning it recently. I'm not saying we should revert back to that time completely, and erase all the progress we've made in women earning equal respect and fair treatment. But I miss the days when women were ladies and men were gentlemen. Nowadays, boys call girls sluts, employ extremely lazy behavior when dating (they don't even date--they "hang out" and look for hookups), and act like uncivilized animals with no manners at all. Girls aren't helping the situation, either, by willingly exploiting their sexuality and obsessing over selfies with duck faces. What happened to parenting? What happened to teaching young boys how to treat ladies, and teaching young girls how to respect themselves?

I was telling a friend my recent story of The Model (who informed me on our second date of his interest in butts--don't think I mentioned that in the blog), and my friend told me I needed to date a gentleman. I replied that the only real gentleman I went out with in recent memory was The Great Dane, whom I had met on a flight back from London, and who lived in Denmark, so it was likely just a one-time date, unfortunately. He said, "you had to go to Europe to meet a gentleman? That's really sad."

Yes, it is sad.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Goodbye Journalist *sigh*

Oh man, I'm still processing this one. This one did not feel good at all.

I was turning out to like the Journalist. He had made it quite obvious that he had a thing for me. I've not been more sure about much else in my life. And after our first lunch, I was really starting to like him. 

Today we had lunch #2. We took advantage of some gorgeous weather and got cart food and sat on benches outside, which was lovely. We had been chatting about this and that while we got our food. When we sat down, I asked him what he did over the weekend. He had friends visit, blah blah, oh, and he had a really long 4-5 hour date with this girl he's been seeing.

Um...... wha?

He talked about how he drank too much black tea, because the girl was a big conversationalist and the date kept going, but then he couldn't sleep. Then he was saying he'd rather not drink beer because it's too filling.... then on to the guy who had a disorder that by just drinking water and eating bread, he got drunk because his belly made beer.

I was grateful for the change in subject, because even though I smoothly hid my shock and kept up the conversation, that bit about a girlfriend hit me with a ton of bricks. What on Earth? I couldn't possibly have read that wrong.... could I? Did he really just want an office buddy? No way...... Did I somehow miss my chance because in the week it took to schedule our first lunch he had met someone else? Maybe--in this city that's entirely possible. But damn. 

It may be stupid, but I'm kind of upset about this. Mad to have missed my chance with a guy I really liked, mad that somehow I might have been waaaaay off on the ole' radar. Mad that ONCE AGAIN I hit a dud. People judge me a lot in many ways--because I'm single I must be focusing on my career, that I'm too bitter and crazy and must be too picky about men. Hearing those things is really hurtful, because if anyone else was dealing with both feeling lonely and dealing with shit like this ALL THE TIME, they'd be crazy, too! I wish the universe would just cut me some slack and give me a break. Just once. I feel like I'm perpetually in purgatory.

:(

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

It doesn't matter. And that makes all the difference.

A good friend gave me a bit of advice the other day that I found incredibly true and helpful.

(Yeah, I'm talking about you, J--I know you read the blog.)

Anyway, like any girl, I was obsessing over a guy, and what I should do or say and how not to screw things up. He pointed out that if he is the right guy, there is no way to screw it up. It'll just happen. If I stumble over my words, it won't matter. If I have a big booger hanging from my nose, it won't matter. Those things are rarely dealbreakers in their own right--people usually evaluate each other on personality and how well we get along with each other (and if they don't, they aren't worth being with anyway). So it isn't worth worrying about.

I have a feeling that not all girls will feel this way, but I 100% agree with it, and it gives me a lot of reassurance. So I may worry about whether or not I should wait three days before texting the guy, or worry about scaring him if I push things too fast or if he'll lose interest if I move too slow, or how exactly I should phrase what I want to say. But in the end, those things won't make a difference if it's the right guy. The right guy might think it's funny if I stumble on my own words or if I'm too nervous to talk to him, but it probably won't be a dealbreaker. When I've gone out with guys, sure, they've said dumb things, but those weren't dealbreakers for me. If a guy had a big booger hanging from his nose, that would make me laugh a little, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I went out with a guy with the last name "Butts," which made me giggle (a lot--I still giggle about it), but that wasn't a dealbreaker.

Sure, we all judge each other a bit. But I'd like to think that when push comes to shove, if someone judged me for having a nose that's too big or for being too tall, they're either making an excuse for generally not being compatible with me, or their narrow-mindedness would mean they wouldn't be good for me anyway. So I take great comfort in this--If I feel strongly about someone, I won't feel bad about doing what feels right. If I feel like calling a guy, I'm damn well going to call him. I may not know exactly what to say, but I'll stumble until words fall out and eventually get to the point. 

With that, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go see about a guy.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Date? with the Journalist

The day following my last post (the timing is eerie--it's like he read my post!), The Journalist got his man on and asked me to lunch. Today was said lunch! So...

I like him.

There isn't much of a story to tell about the lunch itself--a lunch date is very safe. A lunch date is arguably not even really a date. But I had a lovely conversation with him, which felt too short, and now I like him. Ever a fan of keeping things real and clear, I sent him an email thanking him for a nice time. I was starting to get a little upset by his reply ("Me, too. Happy to do it again sometime. It's nice to have a friend in the office to be completely honest with!"), when the Realist pointed out that it's a good thing--he wants to do it again! I was focusing in on the "friend" part, but maybe the reality is he is just taking it slow.

Grr. I guess it's quite apparent that once I make up my mind about how I think or feel about something, I'm ready to move on immediately. That must be the family stubbornness. I'm like that way with some things at work, too, actually--once I make a decision, I move forward and don't like to dwell on it. Here I am gearing up for a dinner date, when I might have to wait for another month or so for a couple more lunch dates first. *sigh*

I'm also not 21 anymore, to be perfectly honest. I am *gulp* nearly 33 now, I know what I want, and I'm not a fan of wasting time. Under perhaps other circumstances, I would say I would just keep my options open (because why not? I'm not tied down yet), but I like this guy. And I also don't want to F-- it up by pushing it too fast. Now what?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Hello? Is this mic on?

First of all, I think it's safe to say we can say goodbye to the Model. He was fun to write about, but he simply stopped texting me. Oh, well.

Okay, now on to the Journalist. As a quick recap, Journalist asked me out to lunch right before I left for my vacation at the beginning of the month. So I had to tell him that I'd be out of the office for a week, but as soon as I got back, I'd love to. Green light! A couple of days after I got back from vacation, I sent him a note saying, "Oh, I nearly forgot (shhh no I didn't), did you still want to do lunch this week? Let me know!" Another green light! His team was short handed so he couldn't get away for lunch. Two green lights is enough for me, so now I'm sitting back and waiting for him to take the lead. We still exchange pleasantries when we pass each other in the hall, and every once in a while he'll stop by my desk to say hello (although not much else), but nothing about going out. Today I ran into him on the way out to lunch, so we chatted walking down the hall, and down the elevator. Then at the bottom of the elevator he said he "forgot something," and took the elevator back up.

To add a little more color to this story, let me explain that it is painfully obvious now to everyone sitting anywhere near me that this guy is completely, without a doubt, crushing hard-core on me. Embarrassing as it is, whenever he stops by my desk and says hello to me all starry-eyed, as soon as he goes away, everyone around me starts giggling. They've informed me that I have an admirer (as if I didn't know). It's obvious to everyone. So I really don't think his lack of follow-through is due to passing interest, nor is it due to uncertainty of interest on my part--I've made my returned interest clear. The guy just must be petrified?

I'm not sure what else to do. I've asked my seatmates to cool it in case he hears, to not embarrass him. I've given the guy the green light and I continue to be very friendly toward him. Dude just needs to man up and go for it. I hope he does soon, though, because (and I'm somewhat hesitant to even admit this) I kind of have a feeling about this guy. Maybe it's just hope. But if hope is all I have left, I'll take it and run with it.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Hello and goodbye

Wow, maybe I dodged a bullet?

So the Cuban Teacher texted me today after 4pm to see if I wanted to meet up tonight.  His exact text was, "Howdy - Wanna see me tonight?" Romantic, eh? And very similar to the terrible trend that Sabrina frequently faces of men trying to make last-minute dates. Very frustrating.

Anyway, I was annoyed by the last-minute request and was exhausted after a long day of work, but I was nice and asked him what he had in mind. He said he wanted to pick me up and go for a drink to watch a Michigan game or something fun. I replied that I did not want to be picked up (we had talked about this on our first date--for me, it's a safety thing until I know someone much better), but would be happy to meet him anywhere for a drink, as long as we didn't make it an all night thing, as I had a long day. Then he asks me if I want a boyfriend or a tour guide, because he gets the feeling from me that I like him but don't LIKE him. Not one to play games at all, I told him he was reading too into it--I just didn't want to be picked up because of a safety thing and I barely knew him (we only met once), and I honestly was tired from a long day of work--I wasn't just saying that because I wasn't interested in him. I don't play games like that. He then said he was expecting something different from a Midwest girl, and wished me luck in my search.

Um, wha?

I actually think it's a very good trait of myself that I don't play games. I will tell a guy exactly what I think. But I'm also not a pushover--I'm not willing to risk my own safety in blind naivite. I personally don't think I did anything wrong here--I was completely honest and feel I did the right thing. I'm a little shocked that this guy didn't appreciate that, though. Wow.

Well, that one didn't last long. Next!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Water water everywhere.....

The model: Aside from a few texts the day after our date, I haven't heard from him all week. I'm not sure if that's just because he knew I was on vacation and he was just hanging low, or if he isn't interested anymore. I guess we'll see. I don't think I'd be upset either way--I'm still kind of riding the fence on that one.

The work guy: for clarity's sake, I'll henceforth call him "the journalist." He said he wanted to do lunch after I got back from vacation. I'll be back at work this week, so stay tuned on that one, too!

The Cuban teacher: Here's a new one! This one came from online, met him today for coffee. He was cute, easy to talk to, quite intelligent (I LOVED when he corrected his own grammar), I could tell he has a good heart. I'm not sure if there's really any physical chemistry, but it's way early for that, so I would see him again, and I just might later this week.

Whew, when did it all of a sudden get all busy up in my life?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

When it rains, it pours.... but I still want a hurricane

Second date with the model yesterday went well, but I came away with mixed feelings. Second dates often leave me that way. The nerves/excitement of the first date are eased a bit, and the second date opens you up to really think about whether you want to see someone more regularly or not. With the model, the chemistry is great, and he's very witty so our conversation is very easy, casual, and relaxed. And yet.... something feels off. I don't mind keeping things casual when first dating someone, since putting extra pressure on it I think ruins it, and being overly-romantic too soon makes me feel a little bit barfy and uncomfortable. But there has been zero romance or seriousness so far. Despite the witty and sparkling conversation, I don't feel a serious connection with him yet. And even though he must be interested in me at some level (he hangs in there for 5- or 6-hour long dates, he's showed a little bit of a cuddly side, etc.), he doesn't ask me much about myself to get to know me, aside from complimenting my watch or bracelet he doesn't say anything about what he likes about me, and there are no subtle romantic gestures at all. I don't want to be too sappy or romantic, but I think I need just a little something. Like..... does he even honestly like me?

So..... I just don't know.

In other news, work guy did ask me out, although now that I'm on vacation, it'll be another week or two before that can happen. So I did a little internet stalking on him to see what I could learn. He seems like a genuine guy with similar values and interests. But.... he also seems very religious. I'm not a total heathen or anything, but people who are uber-religious scare me a little. I'm going to be open-minded about this, because I won't know anything about his perspective on all of that until I get to know him. But that can be a touchy issue, so I'm not sure how that kind of match would work.

I know that beggars can't be choosers, and this is WAY more action in my dating life than I've seen in a LONG time. But I can't help being anxious for something to work. Anything--for longer than a month or two. I'd settle for just someone I can get a little excited about. And right now my prospects aren't quite like that--at least not yet. I want more.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Cue the "Jeopardy" music

It's been two weeks now since I went out with the model. Still no update there--he's been in California for work, and I'm busy this coming weekend, so the next time we can get together isn't until next week--over three weeks after our first date. It feels like an eternity.

The thing is, I think it's true that absence does do a little something. Our first date went well, and I do want to see him again, but it was still only one date, so it's too soon to really have feelings or really know much at all other than we'd just like to go out again. Yet.... I find myself missing him a little. And it has little to do with how well our date went, and more to do with how long it's been since I've seen him. Now I find myself thinking about him, wishing we on more of a regularly texting basis (but holding myself back from contacting him too much because it's too early to be clingy). Ugh. I hate all the stupid "rules" of dating. But I do find it funny how delaying our second date is messing with my head.

In other news, there's a guy at work who definitely has a crush on me. I don't know him well enough to have a strong opinion about it, but he seems nice, so I'd go out with him (boy, are my standards that low?). Stay tuned on that.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Just a little comic

Happy Friday everyone!

 

Trying to stay positive,

Skeptic 

Recap: The Model

Last night I went out with the model for our first date, and the jury approves so far! I would definitely go out with him again. We enjoyed a lovely walk along the waterfront (it was a spectacular day!), some sushi, and a couple drinks at a rooftop bar.

The quick rundown on the first impressions:

On one hand,

• Great banter--things were a little slow to start (as they usually are when you meet a stranger), but once I made a crude bathroom joke, I think he loosened up a little bit and I got to see more of his fun personality. He said he was surprised and didn't expect something like that to come from me. Do I come across as stiff or prude or something? Anyway, after that the conversation flowed very well, and naturally.
• Never dated anyone of his heritage before, so that's a first for me. Can't say I've ever been attracted to anyone of his heritage before, but this guy is cute, so you never know! Don't rule things out!
• It was very nice kissing him. A little sloppy, but not a dealbreaker. We can work on that. :)

On the other hand,

• We split the check. I know that sounds bad, and I'm generally fairly progressive in a long-term dating relationship about balancing that out (it's not the guy's burden to always pay), but I'll admit that I'm slightly old-fashioned when it comes to a first date. I nearly always pull out my wallet when the check comes, but guys usually tell me to put it away. I was a little surprised that he didn't.
• He's a bit small for a guy--my same height, and skinnier than me (grr....). Not a huge deal, although I'll admit not the type I'm usually attracted to. I'll try to be open-minded here.
• He disappeared to the bathroom 4 times. Granted, our date lasted a long time--over 5 hours--so bathroom breaks are completely reasonable. But I don't think he was drinking any more than I was and I didn't have to go once. I'm a little bit of a camel in that respect, so it wouldn't surprise me if he had to go once or twice, but 4 times seems a bit much. Was he doing something else in there? Texting his friends? Looking for an escape route out the window? Pleasuring himself? I'm curious about this.

Hoping I'll see him again soon!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Can't say no

Every once in a while I make myself do something uncomfortable for the sake of getting out of the house, meeting people, and practicing being social and playing the single courtship game. Tonight's experiment was a singles mixer a'la "Meetup." 

It wasn't too bad--there were actually a lot of people there, and if I really too my time to look around the room, there were some cute guys there, too.

Problem was, those weren't the guys I was talking to. I was talking to all the schmos who seemed to line up after each other to talk to me, none of whom I had any attraction to at all.

The problem is, I don't know how to gracefully say no. I can talk to anyone, and I can be quite friendly and polite, so maybe these guys thought that meant chemistry, but the reality was I was trying to figure out how I could get out of the conversation. I just can't ever think of any way to do it gracefully, and I feel terrible about stopping abruptly and saying "well it was nice to meet you," and walking away. I even feel bad saying no if they ask for my number.

So, while I had a decent time, I didn't end up with any prospects I'd really like to see again. So what's the secret? How do you gracefully say you're not interested?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I like my drawings to be really big

There's one guy I've been exchanging messages with lately on OKC, is cute and mysterious, despite OKC declaring that we wouldn't be a good match (through its "percentage match" system, which I don't really understand, so I don't grant much validity). I found out today that he has a part-time side job as an art model. What's funny about that is, I'm an artist who works with a lot of live nude models.

I actually find this kind of amusing. This inspires any number of cheesy one-liners, like:

"What's your favorite position? I mean, pose?"
"So are the artists ever nude when they draw you? Want me to be?"
"Wanna go back to my place and make some art together?"
"Want me to draw you, Jack, like one of those French Girls?"
 

All right, all right, I'm not bold enough to actually lay down a pickup line like that, but it doesn't stop me from joking about it. This guy should be an interesting one to meet in person. Stay tuned for that.

By the way, I'd love to hear some of your one-liner ideas in the comments. :)

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Gorgeous porker?

My Match.com subscription ended, so now I'm back to OKC. Never had much luck with it before, but damn, I'm stuck. I'm pretty tired of nothing going on in my dating life. At this point I'm not too picky--I just want some guy to take me out if for no other reason than to boost my confidence so I'm not giving off a depressed vibe all the time (which I'm sure is not helping the situation). So what was the first message I got after firing my account back up? It was from a 21-year old self-described "video game nerd," saying "wow, you are absolutely gorgeous!"

*sigh*

In other news, three people have told me in the last two days that they thought I lost weight. While this should be a compliment, because the reality is that I have not changed weight in a long time, it actually makes me wonder what kind of porker I am in these people's heads/memories. Commenting on someone's weight is really never a compliment, so let's all just lay off the subject, mmmkay?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

British invasion

I logged back in briefly to DateBritishMen, which evidently launches me back to the top of search results or something, because I've suddenly started getting messages from all sorts of British men again. Because I'm not a paying member, I've had them email me directly, and because they don't always tell me their handle in their emails, I don't know what they look like or anything about them when I get their messages other than what they tell me (which usually isn't much). It's made me a bit reluctant to write back--I'm open to adventure to a degree, since these guys live across the world and would mainly be a pen pal for the time being, but I would feel a bit more comfortable if I knew SOMEthing about them.

Every once in a while, they do share their handle so I can look them up. Here's one who wrote to me yesterday:
 
Not a great haircut, if I'm being honest, but if I can get past that, he's sort of cute.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Impromptu date with the Great Dane

Yesterday I had connected the Great Dane with a friend of mine as a networking favor, and when I heard he hadn't left the area yet (he's on a 3-week tour of the US with stops in 5 cities), I wrote to him, "I didn't realize you were still in the city! Had I known we could have met up for happy hour! Well, next time you're in the area, you have another person to show you around town." He wrote back immediately to say, "My flight isn't until tomorrow morning--want to do dinner tonight?" I know how some of you feel about last-minute dates, and although I would have liked a little more time to recover from a hot and humid day, this was my only chance to go out with this guy, so I did the best I could to freshen up quickly and I jumped at the chance. Since up until this point we had really mostly just done "networking," I wasn't sure it was an actual date, but I think it counts.

We met in midtown and after briefly meeting his friend with whom he was staying (who had to rush off to work), we headed downtown to a cozy little Thai restaurant. We ate and talked for a couple of hours (he paid), then walked around a bit so I could point out some things around town (my city knowledge is somewhat limited, but I've picked up a few things over the years). We ended up in this hidden little speakeasy-20's type bar that we never would have noticed if not for FourSquare. Lovely jazz band playing, cute bartenders wearing button-down shirts, striped pants, and suspenders. I playfully pointed out to Great Dane that he should be wearing suspenders. He added, "Yes, and a hat." "Yes! A fedora." I said, and swooned. Yes, I fluttered--I love a fedora on a man. He playfully said I should be wearing a dress with one of those low-scooped backs. "Oooh, sexy," I said. After enjoying a drink there and realizing it was nearly 1am (and he had to leave at 4am for a 6am flight), we decided to call it a night and I helped him find his train. I had been hoping for a little smooch, but instead I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Boo.

It was a very romantic evening. We were both oozing charm--eye contact with smiles, lots of closeness (walking so close together our arms were in constant contact, huddling close together under an umbrella and when we shared pictures on our phones or consulted a city map, little gentle touches here and there while talking). Maybe that's just how they are in Denmark and it didn't mean anything. But either way, nothing will likely come of it other than a friendship. He lives in Denmark. 'Nuff said. I had a fantastic time, though. That just seems to be my luck. *sigh*

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Something else to try

Anyone reading this ever try It's Just Lunch?

Given that I can't stand online dating because it feels unnatural and I just have no luck on it, and I'd be more interested in meeting people if it was casual and no-pressure, this seems like it could be the perfect thing for me. Just wondering if anyone has tried it and what it's like. I might try it anyway, because why not, right?

Side note: I have to give IJL props for their marketing. I heard about them from an ad in an airline magazine, in which they appear to be targeting professionals who are too busy to scour through online dating profiles. Good work, guys, you got me!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic