Red-eyed monster: Friend or Foe?

I know virtually no one reads this blog anymore, but I have a question for the world, anyway.

There's a phenomenon that most folks are aware of and nearly everyone goes through. It's the thing that happens when you're feeling a little bit down--you start to long for happier times. This inevitably leads your mind to think about an ex. You start to miss him/her, wonder what he/she is up to, and think you really screwed things up before, so you want to give it another chance. I'll call this the red-eyed monster--you feel down and vulnerable, so your mind tricks you into thinking you want to be with someone. It's usually where booty calls come from, or even leading people to try to get back together.

So here is my question. When a certain ex keeps invading your thoughts, how can you tell if you truly do miss him and want to be with him, or if it's just the red-eyed monster trying to trick you? I know of lots of people who try to get back together with exes. Sometimes it fails miserably, and sometimes it actually works out--maybe the timing wasn't right the first time, they managed to work out their issues, etc. When people seek an old flame, why is it sometimes romantic and sometimes pathetically desperate?

Just wondering.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

When friends at work play office pimp

Mr. Suave first came by my desk at work today asking me where the bathroom is. I assumed he was a visitor in the building, and gave him directions to the men's room without giving it too much thought. Well, too much thought other than how cute he was, and impeccably presented. Very well dressed, perfectly shaved and groomed, and good-looking in an almost too-perfect kind of way. That's why I'm calling him Mr. Suave. I normally don't go for the too-perfect guys; I actually like a little ruggedness and natural swagger to a guy. Still, a prospect is a prospect...

He came back later in the afternoon to chat again. He had several more questions, and I wish I could remember how he started the conversation, but it came out that he's new on the floor--just started working there two weeks ago. He asked a few questions about our benefits, we talked about neighborhood restaurants and commuting, etc. My colleague Jane, who sits next to me (and works in sales--she is incredibly friendly and chatty), helped out with the conversation by keeping it going, throwing out some fun facts about me, asking him questions to dig up information about him, telling him how nice I was and he should come back anytime to chat with me and I can help him out, etc. After he went away, both Jane and another guy who sits nearby (we're all good friends and look out for each other's dating lives), stood up to de-brief the conversation. 

"Jane, you are a great wingwoman!" I said. 
Jane replied,"Of course! That guy was cute!"
Our guy colleague said, "<Skeptic>! I saw what was going on there. That guy has game! I think he likes you!"

The unfortunate thing is, my team will be moving offices to a different part of town very soon. That means that I have two weeks to build a friendship with this guy and exchange numbers before we move. Let the games begin!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Mr. Notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat

On Saturday I had a coffee date with a guy from online, we'll call him Mr. Not-that-there's-anything-wrong-with-that. For the most part it was like any other disappointing date--conversation was pretty dry and dull and there was no connection at all. 

But here's what made it a little different than other dates I've been on. This gentleman arrived to our date with the assistance of a wheelchair. And I had absolutely no knowledge of this ahead of time.

Now, let me be absolutely clear. Being in a wheelchair does make things a little more complicated, but it's not necessarily a dealbreaker for me. And I can see how he would be reluctant to share that up front, as maybe he wouldn't want to be judged for it. And really, dude can put whatever he wants in his profile--he doesn't have to share his whole life. All that being said, I found myself still a little annoyed that he sprung that on me like that. Why misrepresent yourself? His profile pictures did not include this, so perhaps they were all a little old (taken before his accident or whatever happened--he didn't actually tell me).

So here's my question. How much information do you need to know before you meet someone? I never really did have a list of prerequisite information, but I would have assumed that I would know the important things, like is this guy single (I won't date married men), does he have kids, does he live in the area, etc. If someone didn't tell you until the third date that he had children, would you be upset? What if he had recently gained (or lost!) fifty pounds--wouldn't you want his picture to show what he actually looks like now? We all don't want folks to judge us for who we are, but why not be up front about who we are? I'm a big fan of openness and honesty, and if people judge me for who I am, that's their issue, not mine.

What are your thoughts?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

On the other hand....

The Great Dane and I have been trying to find time to catch up on Skype, but with a 6-hour time difference, that's been tricky. So he just up and called me tonight. Who does that? From around the world?

I don't know what it is about this guy. I'm so drawn to him. He's smart and very laid back, and easy to talk to. And we had that one incredibly romantic evening in New York. *sigh*

Turns out, he might have secured a gig in Los Angeles, so he might be moving to the states! 

The practical part of me says, "stop this--if something happens, fine, but you can't wait around for a small chance. Date other guys! Forget this one!" But the romantic dreamer in me can't help but daydream about it. I would visit him in LA.....

I'm not holding out hope. But I will take the next five minutes to daydream.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So, let's recap what's been going on with the Journalist, shall we?

Journalist had a very obvious giant crush on me (constantly flirting with me at work). We started having lunches together. Just as I was wondering if the guy would ever ask me out, he told me about a date he went on. Flabbergasted, I decided that planted him firmly in friend territory. I will not pursue--he must make a move if he wants more.

So we became work buddies (or work "spouses," if you like that term). Some time went by and his flirting increased. I again began to wonder what was really going on. A trusted guy friend suggested that maybe before when he told me about his date, he was actually pretty shy and that was his (clumsy) way of telling me he was available. Huh. I thought that possibility might be true, but before I even did anything about it, the Journalist actually asked me out. Well, he asked if I'd want to hang out outside of work. Whatever that is.

So we went out to a museum. Was it a date? I don't know.

Which brings us to today. We were chatting and he shared that he's been having a bad week, because of this and that, and he recently broke up with a girl he's been seeing.

UGH.

Now I feel like a complete fool. Maybe it still is true that he does/did have a crush on me, but that being the case, it would seem he's a guy to keep girls on the hook to date them the next time things don't go well. It's kind of a lame player move, honestly. Time to find a new guy. I've had enough of this stupid confusing shit.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

You've got a friend in me....

Date(?) with the Journalist on Saturday.

It's weird that I'm still not exactly sure if it was a date. On the one hand, it had many signs of a date--spending time together outside of work, on a Saturday, going to a museum and playfully chatting about all the contents therein, etc. It's actually a fantastic idea for a date--you get to see cool stuff, you never really run out of things to talk about because you can just keep talking about the stuff you see, and you can really get to know someone by what they share with you and what they think about the stuff.

On the other hand, he ended our day together with a hug.

Hmm.

All in all, I had a good time. He is very easy to talk to, and very intelligent. One of the exhibits we toured was of Spanish-American home art, and I giggled when he translated the Spanish for me (my Spanish may be a little rusty now, but I did minor in it--shh don't tell him just yet), but I still let him do it. I think it gave him a little boost. The chemistry is somewhat a question mark right now. I admit I was a little curious about what it would be like to kiss him, and I wondered if we ended up in a quiet corner of the museum if he might go for the opportunity (he didn't). But I wasn't thinking about kissing him the entire date (don't judge, but sometimes that is the case on dates). In my experience, that curiosity is enough, and can definitely grow to much more once a relationship develops. But it was a little tricky to see things in a romantic light when the entire date was so G-rated. I would like to go out with him again and see if there is any romance there. It just isn't coming naturally--maybe because we've had so many work lunches?

I can be a bit of a slow mover sometimes, but I think I have met my match on that note with this guy. A part of me likes to take this slow, because I'm not sure I'm actually ready to dive into a relationship after one date (and is anyone ever? maybe this is more natural pace--a relationship is, after all, more than lust). But another part of me wants to at least know in the smallest way if there's any romantic potential here before I invest too much time.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

I hate games. I don't like Monopoly, either.

So the Journalist and I have exchanged numbers and emails, and have been trying to arrange a time/date and activity for our first date. Well, I assume it's a date.

I'm currently stuck in the place where I have a cell phone like most people that gives me email, so I know right away when he emails me (or texts). And I really do not believe in rules or games, because if he really is the right guy for me he won't care when I get back to him (and if we got married, looking back, details like that won't matter). BUT. There's still this little voice in side me that says, "don't write back right away! Let him sweat it out for a little while!" I HATE that voice. I HATE games/rules. It's shit like this that's why I hate dating--I'd rather skip all this bullshit horse and pony show and just get to dating someone seriously and regularly. You know that cozy place where you know you're going to see each other every weekend and it's all cuddly and happy. Can I just skip to that?

Anyway, if we ever get this stuff figured out, I might have a date this weekend. Will be very interesting to see how this goes! Long time in the making (about 4 months, but who's counting?).

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic