RIP Chivalry

Last week while I was at home resting after a long week of travel for work, I was flipping through channels and came across an old Disney movie from 1960, Swiss Family Robinson. It's based on the classic book wherein a family gets shipwrecked and makes their home on a deserted island. It's Disney-style campy, but I loved it when I was younger because I loved daydreaming about having a house in a tree.

At one point in the movie, the two oldest sons, Fritz and Ernst, start a voyage around the coast to see if the island is actually an island. They rescue a boy held captive by pirates, and they all run away in escape. Later on, Fritz and Ernst discover that the boy is, in fact, a girl. Suddenly, the pattern of rough boy treatment flipped dramatically into the boys falling over themselves to hold her hand and help her carefully walk over the rocks.

In contrast to that, the next day I was back at the airport for another work trip. While standing by the gate waiting to board, one man blew past me as his boarding group was called, dragging his suitcase behind him. His suitcase whacked me in the leg. The man didn't even glance back, let alone apologize.

It's official: chivalry is 100% dead, 6-feet under, pushing daisies (and arguably, even basic manners). I've been somewhat mourning it recently. I'm not saying we should revert back to that time completely, and erase all the progress we've made in women earning equal respect and fair treatment. But I miss the days when women were ladies and men were gentlemen. Nowadays, boys call girls sluts, employ extremely lazy behavior when dating (they don't even date--they "hang out" and look for hookups), and act like uncivilized animals with no manners at all. Girls aren't helping the situation, either, by willingly exploiting their sexuality and obsessing over selfies with duck faces. What happened to parenting? What happened to teaching young boys how to treat ladies, and teaching young girls how to respect themselves?

I was telling a friend my recent story of The Model (who informed me on our second date of his interest in butts--don't think I mentioned that in the blog), and my friend told me I needed to date a gentleman. I replied that the only real gentleman I went out with in recent memory was The Great Dane, whom I had met on a flight back from London, and who lived in Denmark, so it was likely just a one-time date, unfortunately. He said, "you had to go to Europe to meet a gentleman? That's really sad."

Yes, it is sad.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Goodbye Journalist *sigh*

Oh man, I'm still processing this one. This one did not feel good at all.

I was turning out to like the Journalist. He had made it quite obvious that he had a thing for me. I've not been more sure about much else in my life. And after our first lunch, I was really starting to like him. 

Today we had lunch #2. We took advantage of some gorgeous weather and got cart food and sat on benches outside, which was lovely. We had been chatting about this and that while we got our food. When we sat down, I asked him what he did over the weekend. He had friends visit, blah blah, oh, and he had a really long 4-5 hour date with this girl he's been seeing.

Um...... wha?

He talked about how he drank too much black tea, because the girl was a big conversationalist and the date kept going, but then he couldn't sleep. Then he was saying he'd rather not drink beer because it's too filling.... then on to the guy who had a disorder that by just drinking water and eating bread, he got drunk because his belly made beer.

I was grateful for the change in subject, because even though I smoothly hid my shock and kept up the conversation, that bit about a girlfriend hit me with a ton of bricks. What on Earth? I couldn't possibly have read that wrong.... could I? Did he really just want an office buddy? No way...... Did I somehow miss my chance because in the week it took to schedule our first lunch he had met someone else? Maybe--in this city that's entirely possible. But damn. 

It may be stupid, but I'm kind of upset about this. Mad to have missed my chance with a guy I really liked, mad that somehow I might have been waaaaay off on the ole' radar. Mad that ONCE AGAIN I hit a dud. People judge me a lot in many ways--because I'm single I must be focusing on my career, that I'm too bitter and crazy and must be too picky about men. Hearing those things is really hurtful, because if anyone else was dealing with both feeling lonely and dealing with shit like this ALL THE TIME, they'd be crazy, too! I wish the universe would just cut me some slack and give me a break. Just once. I feel like I'm perpetually in purgatory.

:(

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

It doesn't matter. And that makes all the difference.

A good friend gave me a bit of advice the other day that I found incredibly true and helpful.

(Yeah, I'm talking about you, J--I know you read the blog.)

Anyway, like any girl, I was obsessing over a guy, and what I should do or say and how not to screw things up. He pointed out that if he is the right guy, there is no way to screw it up. It'll just happen. If I stumble over my words, it won't matter. If I have a big booger hanging from my nose, it won't matter. Those things are rarely dealbreakers in their own right--people usually evaluate each other on personality and how well we get along with each other (and if they don't, they aren't worth being with anyway). So it isn't worth worrying about.

I have a feeling that not all girls will feel this way, but I 100% agree with it, and it gives me a lot of reassurance. So I may worry about whether or not I should wait three days before texting the guy, or worry about scaring him if I push things too fast or if he'll lose interest if I move too slow, or how exactly I should phrase what I want to say. But in the end, those things won't make a difference if it's the right guy. The right guy might think it's funny if I stumble on my own words or if I'm too nervous to talk to him, but it probably won't be a dealbreaker. When I've gone out with guys, sure, they've said dumb things, but those weren't dealbreakers for me. If a guy had a big booger hanging from his nose, that would make me laugh a little, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I went out with a guy with the last name "Butts," which made me giggle (a lot--I still giggle about it), but that wasn't a dealbreaker.

Sure, we all judge each other a bit. But I'd like to think that when push comes to shove, if someone judged me for having a nose that's too big or for being too tall, they're either making an excuse for generally not being compatible with me, or their narrow-mindedness would mean they wouldn't be good for me anyway. So I take great comfort in this--If I feel strongly about someone, I won't feel bad about doing what feels right. If I feel like calling a guy, I'm damn well going to call him. I may not know exactly what to say, but I'll stumble until words fall out and eventually get to the point. 

With that, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go see about a guy.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Date? with the Journalist

The day following my last post (the timing is eerie--it's like he read my post!), The Journalist got his man on and asked me to lunch. Today was said lunch! So...

I like him.

There isn't much of a story to tell about the lunch itself--a lunch date is very safe. A lunch date is arguably not even really a date. But I had a lovely conversation with him, which felt too short, and now I like him. Ever a fan of keeping things real and clear, I sent him an email thanking him for a nice time. I was starting to get a little upset by his reply ("Me, too. Happy to do it again sometime. It's nice to have a friend in the office to be completely honest with!"), when the Realist pointed out that it's a good thing--he wants to do it again! I was focusing in on the "friend" part, but maybe the reality is he is just taking it slow.

Grr. I guess it's quite apparent that once I make up my mind about how I think or feel about something, I'm ready to move on immediately. That must be the family stubbornness. I'm like that way with some things at work, too, actually--once I make a decision, I move forward and don't like to dwell on it. Here I am gearing up for a dinner date, when I might have to wait for another month or so for a couple more lunch dates first. *sigh*

I'm also not 21 anymore, to be perfectly honest. I am *gulp* nearly 33 now, I know what I want, and I'm not a fan of wasting time. Under perhaps other circumstances, I would say I would just keep my options open (because why not? I'm not tied down yet), but I like this guy. And I also don't want to F-- it up by pushing it too fast. Now what?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Hello? Is this mic on?

First of all, I think it's safe to say we can say goodbye to the Model. He was fun to write about, but he simply stopped texting me. Oh, well.

Okay, now on to the Journalist. As a quick recap, Journalist asked me out to lunch right before I left for my vacation at the beginning of the month. So I had to tell him that I'd be out of the office for a week, but as soon as I got back, I'd love to. Green light! A couple of days after I got back from vacation, I sent him a note saying, "Oh, I nearly forgot (shhh no I didn't), did you still want to do lunch this week? Let me know!" Another green light! His team was short handed so he couldn't get away for lunch. Two green lights is enough for me, so now I'm sitting back and waiting for him to take the lead. We still exchange pleasantries when we pass each other in the hall, and every once in a while he'll stop by my desk to say hello (although not much else), but nothing about going out. Today I ran into him on the way out to lunch, so we chatted walking down the hall, and down the elevator. Then at the bottom of the elevator he said he "forgot something," and took the elevator back up.

To add a little more color to this story, let me explain that it is painfully obvious now to everyone sitting anywhere near me that this guy is completely, without a doubt, crushing hard-core on me. Embarrassing as it is, whenever he stops by my desk and says hello to me all starry-eyed, as soon as he goes away, everyone around me starts giggling. They've informed me that I have an admirer (as if I didn't know). It's obvious to everyone. So I really don't think his lack of follow-through is due to passing interest, nor is it due to uncertainty of interest on my part--I've made my returned interest clear. The guy just must be petrified?

I'm not sure what else to do. I've asked my seatmates to cool it in case he hears, to not embarrass him. I've given the guy the green light and I continue to be very friendly toward him. Dude just needs to man up and go for it. I hope he does soon, though, because (and I'm somewhat hesitant to even admit this) I kind of have a feeling about this guy. Maybe it's just hope. But if hope is all I have left, I'll take it and run with it.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Hello and goodbye

Wow, maybe I dodged a bullet?

So the Cuban Teacher texted me today after 4pm to see if I wanted to meet up tonight.  His exact text was, "Howdy - Wanna see me tonight?" Romantic, eh? And very similar to the terrible trend that Sabrina frequently faces of men trying to make last-minute dates. Very frustrating.

Anyway, I was annoyed by the last-minute request and was exhausted after a long day of work, but I was nice and asked him what he had in mind. He said he wanted to pick me up and go for a drink to watch a Michigan game or something fun. I replied that I did not want to be picked up (we had talked about this on our first date--for me, it's a safety thing until I know someone much better), but would be happy to meet him anywhere for a drink, as long as we didn't make it an all night thing, as I had a long day. Then he asks me if I want a boyfriend or a tour guide, because he gets the feeling from me that I like him but don't LIKE him. Not one to play games at all, I told him he was reading too into it--I just didn't want to be picked up because of a safety thing and I barely knew him (we only met once), and I honestly was tired from a long day of work--I wasn't just saying that because I wasn't interested in him. I don't play games like that. He then said he was expecting something different from a Midwest girl, and wished me luck in my search.

Um, wha?

I actually think it's a very good trait of myself that I don't play games. I will tell a guy exactly what I think. But I'm also not a pushover--I'm not willing to risk my own safety in blind naivite. I personally don't think I did anything wrong here--I was completely honest and feel I did the right thing. I'm a little shocked that this guy didn't appreciate that, though. Wow.

Well, that one didn't last long. Next!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Water water everywhere.....

The model: Aside from a few texts the day after our date, I haven't heard from him all week. I'm not sure if that's just because he knew I was on vacation and he was just hanging low, or if he isn't interested anymore. I guess we'll see. I don't think I'd be upset either way--I'm still kind of riding the fence on that one.

The work guy: for clarity's sake, I'll henceforth call him "the journalist." He said he wanted to do lunch after I got back from vacation. I'll be back at work this week, so stay tuned on that one, too!

The Cuban teacher: Here's a new one! This one came from online, met him today for coffee. He was cute, easy to talk to, quite intelligent (I LOVED when he corrected his own grammar), I could tell he has a good heart. I'm not sure if there's really any physical chemistry, but it's way early for that, so I would see him again, and I just might later this week.

Whew, when did it all of a sudden get all busy up in my life?

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic