Touch me once, touch me twice

The journalist has settled into role of my work husband. Which is fine--we all know how the work-husband relationships work.

But.... he is also quite a touchy guy. He touches me on the arm or hand when he talks to me frequently. When he talks to me, he often starts out talking to me over the cubicle wall, but then moves around to be next to me at my desk. he ALWAYS compliments something that I'm wearing--jewelry, scarf, outfit, etc. Is he just a chronic flirt? Is he genuinely coming on to me? It's things like these that made me convinced he had a crush on me to begin with, but I wouldn't be surprised if he acted that way with a lot of girls.

To add to the puzzle, our work-marriage is headed for an impasse. He is a contractor, and his contract is up at the end of the year, so he's been job hunting. I also just found out that my team will be changing offices in January, so I'll be in a different location, anyway. After the time he told me about his date, I decided he is firmly in friend territory until he suggests otherwise, since I'm not going to pursue the un-pursue-able. But...... is it do or die time now? Even though he's a friend, and even though it may mean nothing, every time he touches me on the arm I get that kind of electric feeling and wind up daydreaming for the rest of the day. Then again..... I'm also (nearly at the same time!) daydreaming about the Great Dane. Clearly I'm in a foggy state of mind, replaying the old "hits," and probably I just want *some*one in my life and these two guys are just conveniently top of mind. But I just can't tell what to do here! I hate trying to interpret guy actions. Someone just tell me what he wants. Or better yet, HE SHOULD just tell me what he wants. Ugh.

Lunch with the Journalist tomorrow. I don't anticipate anything unusual happening, but I feel it necessary to bring up the fact that our lunches will soon come to an end.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Dead-end?

I sent the Great Dane an email just to say hello, asking how things are going. He wants to Skype soon! Is it bad that I'm kind of geeked about it? *sigh*

I need to find someone new to go out with. Someone in the country, ideally.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

They all come back....

Remember the Cuban Teacher?

In light of the way things left off after our one date a couple of months ago, I was quite surprised to get the following message from him:

"Remember moi? How have you been? Want to give it another shot? :0) "

HA. Wonder what gave him the idea that I'd want to see him again? No, thanks. But thank you for the laugh today.

Trying to stay positive,

Skeptic

So much for Makeup Man

I met Makeup Man online. He is a product developer for a major cosmetics company (sort of a lipstick lab rat). He seemed promising because he was unusually more of a gentleman than a lot of other guys who pop up online (sad as it is to say, it doesn't take much). He was proactive in reaching out to me, he was responsive and understanding to my requests (like wanting to meet up right away rather than pointless message exchanges over and over). We chatted briefly on the phone a few days before we met, and he seemed sweet and genuine, and it was nice that we seemed to see eye to eye on some things (at least from what I could tell this early on). I was optimistic. After probing a bit about my food preferences/limitations, he even came up with a place for us to meet on his own, and suggested a place in my town. May seem like a small thing to some people, but I very much appreciated it.

The place that he picked out was a great bar in town with excellent food. I hadn't been there before, but now that I know about it, I'll definitely have to go back. Very cozy, nice unpretentious crowd, kind of small, and a towny bar without being too divey. I loved it. He was very nice--almost your stereotypical "nice guy"--the kind of guy who is friends with all the girls because he's "safe," kind of a nerd, happy-go-lucky, and generally a gentleman. I could tell that very easily about him. But I kept searching for any kind of chemistry. It wasn't there. If I had met him in other circumstances, (and I realize how bad this sounds), I would have been convinced he was gay. He actually reminded me a lot of one of my closest gay friends (which may contribute to it). And I kept asking myself, do I want to hug him? Can I see myself kissing him? Is there a spark in our conversation at least? I kept coming up empty. I can do a good job keeping up a sparkling conversation, but even the conversation was quite forced, and I should have cut the evening shorter than I did, but am a sucker for being polite, so I agreed to a second drink.

On the sidewalk was time for the awkward goodbye. He asked if I'd like to do this again sometime, and I said sure (I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. What can I say--I'm a total wimp and hate being put on the spot. How could I say no to his face? I've got to work on that). He went for the kiss, but I did manage to give him a cheek, and then promptly made my escape.

I walked home from there shaking my head at myself. Another one bites the dust, and now I have to figure out a way to let this guy down. As I'm writing this post, I got a text from him. Trying to get up the courage to cut the cord. *sigh*

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

From The Journalist to Makeup Man

Had another lunch with The Journalist today, who is turning out to basically be my work husband, since we confide in each other about a lot of work stuff. It's still as confusing as ever, as he is a bit of a toucher, and there was one awkward moment during our lunch conversation when one topic ended, and instead of starting another conversation, he just stared at me and smiled. In many cases, I would take the opportunity to flirt. But since The Journalist has planted himself solidly in friend territory, I just awkwardly looked around and gave him a WTF look. Dude--you are a work friend until you give notice otherwise. You made that decision yourself when you decided to tell me about your date.

Anyway, stay tuned for a new introduction..... Makeup Man!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

RIP Chivalry

Last week while I was at home resting after a long week of travel for work, I was flipping through channels and came across an old Disney movie from 1960, Swiss Family Robinson. It's based on the classic book wherein a family gets shipwrecked and makes their home on a deserted island. It's Disney-style campy, but I loved it when I was younger because I loved daydreaming about having a house in a tree.

At one point in the movie, the two oldest sons, Fritz and Ernst, start a voyage around the coast to see if the island is actually an island. They rescue a boy held captive by pirates, and they all run away in escape. Later on, Fritz and Ernst discover that the boy is, in fact, a girl. Suddenly, the pattern of rough boy treatment flipped dramatically into the boys falling over themselves to hold her hand and help her carefully walk over the rocks.

In contrast to that, the next day I was back at the airport for another work trip. While standing by the gate waiting to board, one man blew past me as his boarding group was called, dragging his suitcase behind him. His suitcase whacked me in the leg. The man didn't even glance back, let alone apologize.

It's official: chivalry is 100% dead, 6-feet under, pushing daisies (and arguably, even basic manners). I've been somewhat mourning it recently. I'm not saying we should revert back to that time completely, and erase all the progress we've made in women earning equal respect and fair treatment. But I miss the days when women were ladies and men were gentlemen. Nowadays, boys call girls sluts, employ extremely lazy behavior when dating (they don't even date--they "hang out" and look for hookups), and act like uncivilized animals with no manners at all. Girls aren't helping the situation, either, by willingly exploiting their sexuality and obsessing over selfies with duck faces. What happened to parenting? What happened to teaching young boys how to treat ladies, and teaching young girls how to respect themselves?

I was telling a friend my recent story of The Model (who informed me on our second date of his interest in butts--don't think I mentioned that in the blog), and my friend told me I needed to date a gentleman. I replied that the only real gentleman I went out with in recent memory was The Great Dane, whom I had met on a flight back from London, and who lived in Denmark, so it was likely just a one-time date, unfortunately. He said, "you had to go to Europe to meet a gentleman? That's really sad."

Yes, it is sad.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Goodbye Journalist *sigh*

Oh man, I'm still processing this one. This one did not feel good at all.

I was turning out to like the Journalist. He had made it quite obvious that he had a thing for me. I've not been more sure about much else in my life. And after our first lunch, I was really starting to like him. 

Today we had lunch #2. We took advantage of some gorgeous weather and got cart food and sat on benches outside, which was lovely. We had been chatting about this and that while we got our food. When we sat down, I asked him what he did over the weekend. He had friends visit, blah blah, oh, and he had a really long 4-5 hour date with this girl he's been seeing.

Um...... wha?

He talked about how he drank too much black tea, because the girl was a big conversationalist and the date kept going, but then he couldn't sleep. Then he was saying he'd rather not drink beer because it's too filling.... then on to the guy who had a disorder that by just drinking water and eating bread, he got drunk because his belly made beer.

I was grateful for the change in subject, because even though I smoothly hid my shock and kept up the conversation, that bit about a girlfriend hit me with a ton of bricks. What on Earth? I couldn't possibly have read that wrong.... could I? Did he really just want an office buddy? No way...... Did I somehow miss my chance because in the week it took to schedule our first lunch he had met someone else? Maybe--in this city that's entirely possible. But damn. 

It may be stupid, but I'm kind of upset about this. Mad to have missed my chance with a guy I really liked, mad that somehow I might have been waaaaay off on the ole' radar. Mad that ONCE AGAIN I hit a dud. People judge me a lot in many ways--because I'm single I must be focusing on my career, that I'm too bitter and crazy and must be too picky about men. Hearing those things is really hurtful, because if anyone else was dealing with both feeling lonely and dealing with shit like this ALL THE TIME, they'd be crazy, too! I wish the universe would just cut me some slack and give me a break. Just once. I feel like I'm perpetually in purgatory.

:(

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic