Fever! In the morning, fever all through the night

Miss me?

It's been a while since last I wrote! Mostly because nothing much has occurred worth writing about.

But ahhh, it's Spring! More daylight, warmer weather, flowers in bloom etc. All of it contributes to "Spring Fever," signaling our circadian rhythms to ramp up for the season. Our eyes detect the extra sunlight, signaling us that Winter hibernation is ending. We experience renewed energy, which keeps us awake for longer hours, and itching to get out of the house. The sunlight boosts our mood, our melatonin production decreases, and our internal biological clock pushes us toward thoughts of breeding. Or, in a less animalistic sense, toward thoughts of love.

That's right, Spring Fever is a real, physiological phenomenon. We know it to be true because we all experience it. When Spring comes along, we are grateful for the extra sunshine, the warmer weather, and the boost in mood. And we do feel just a little more twitterpated (as "Flower" would say.)

I can certainly say Spring Fever is alive and well on the home front. Sadly, nothing really happening yet, but there have been a few gentlemen who have caught my eye:

1. Really cute young Irish Bartender at the watering hole near work. He's so cute. And much younger than I am. And a runner! *swoon* And he's probably just being a very good bartender by flirting back with me, but I still love it. This is probably not good long-term potential, but that sure didn't stop me from slipping him my phone number on a bar napkin after a couple of drinks.
2. Hot Sales Guy, from work. Although I don't work there anymore, so that's not really the problem. The problem here is that he may be TOO good-looking, and I would guess a bit of a player. People keep telling me I'm crazy for pointing out the problem before anything even happens. But I still don't see this as a viable long-term prospect.
3. The Entrepreneur. I met this guy on a work trip, and when I found out he worked only a couple of blocks from me, we decided we'll just have to do lunch sometime, and exchanged cards. But admittedly, I also thought he was incredibly cute. So obviously, I did some Googling, and found out that he is a great guy, at least on paper. Ivy-league educated, he co-founded and heads his own company that's alive and kicking after a few years, and recently launched in a new city. A few news outlets and magazines have interviewed him for articles. He seems very well spoken and down-to-earth. I'm actually quite impressed. We've been trying to schedule our lunch for a few weeks, which has been tough with his busy schedule, but I'm hopeful we'll get to it this week. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to turn a networking lunch into something else....

Hope I have actual stories to tell soon! This girl is feeling the fever and anxious for a little male attention!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Mr. Directions, Mr. Cruise, Italian Boyfriend, and The Explorer

Whew!

It's been a while since I've updated (although not nearly as long as the Realist and the Disbeliever--don't know what's up with those ladies...), but it's been an eventful week!

I spent the last 5 days in Miami working a trade show for work. It's incredibly hard work because you put in very long days, are running around on a concrete floor in dress shoes all day for 12 hours, and even after hours you do staff dinners, so you still have to be "on." I'm going to need a few days to recover from that.

BUT, this particular trade show was crawling with good looking men. It's an international show, so it attracts a lot of Europeans, who I have a weakness for, and who dress very well and smell very good.One guy I met was asking me directions somewhere and we ended up chatting for ten minutes. I wasn't attracted to him, but he was nice, and it was nice to chat for a while (and he is from another city, anyway). I saw him later that day at a reception and he introduced me to some buddies he had met that day, both of whom are from New York, and one of whom was very cute! And works only a few blocks from me! You can bet I'll be arranging a lunch with that guy. I don't know a lot about him so I'll just call him Mr. Cruise.

At the same reception, I was mingling, asking people how they like the show, basically doing my job. I talked to one guy who is Italian. It was a normal professional conversation, I guess--asking him how he liked the show and such, he responded with something and I might not have understood all of it in his broken English. We exchanged cards, and I moved on to chat with someone else. But later I saw that he had emailed me not ten minutes after that--evidently I made quite an impression on him, because he was asking when he could see me again, when I would be in Miami again, and if I was free in the next couple of days while I was in town. Well, oh my. It seems with the Europeans there is a fine line between friendly professionalism and outright asking someone out. Actually, I'm pretty sure there is no line at all--it's all fair game. A couple of nights after that I was out for drinks with colleagues and emailed him inviting him to join us. He asked where we were, and I replied with the name of the bar and street. He didn't show up. Which is fine. Might've been a little awkward being besties with some guy I just met, although my colleagues were interested in meeting my new Italian boyfriend.

Also at this show I had the pleasure of meeting a certain grandson of a famous undersea explorer. This was definitely a trip highlight, as meeting minor celebrities usually is. He was very good-looking, very charming yet also very approachable and down to Earth. I asked for a picture with him, and not only was he agreeable, but he insisted we took many shots to make sure one wasn't blurry and I had options. Too bad the guy just got married this past September.

I can't tell you the last time so many men told me how wonderful and beautiful I was in one week, including some of my international colleagues who were in town to help with the show. What girl doesn't love to hear that? They were all Europeans, though, which makes me wonder about what's up with the American men. And also whether or not I should move to Europe.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

No more happy-go-lucky

Well that one was short-lived, eh?

At least I assume that's the end of it. It's been a week since our date and I haven't heard from him, so I just assume that means that's that. No hard feelings here, though--I had a great time with him, but wasn't sure if there was any attraction, so I could have gone either way.

Meanwhile, an ex from long ago still creeps up and haunts me now and then. This one has been so hard to shake, because as many strides as I make in getting past it, and as much time passes that naturally moves my thinking on toward the next thing, unlike a lot of other exes, reminders of him pop up all the time just because we have such an overlapping network. Pictures with him in them fly past my eyes sometimes through my network. Or someone will mention him, and when they find out we dated, they'll say, "oh, he's such a nice guy," and I can see the thinking behind their eyes, wondering why it didn't work out. Then I find myself sad all over again. One step forward, two steps back. :(

Finally, in other news, I've been trying out a new dating app called Hinge (that I heard about through my HR rep at work, interestingly enough). It shows you pictures of singles taken from Facebook who are in your town, found through your friends as 2nd or 3rd degree connections. It tells you very brief info about them, like where they work, where they went to school, and how you're connected to them. You either give them a star, or an x. If you give each other stars, it lets you contact each other. Jury is still out on it--It's fun and simple, and I haven't been using it very long, but haven't had much luck yet. It might work better the more people use it. 

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky

Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky was a blind date from online. I've been on soooo many of these it's somewhat sad to say I go into them now with a healthy dose of skepticism. I usually hope to just make it through at a decent hour so I can still get something else done at home or have enough time to watch a good show on TV. Either that, or maybe it will be so awful I'll have a story I can tell for years to come. 

My date with Mr. HGL seemed to be off to a good start right away. As soon as I walked into the bar I got a very friendly welcome, and we were buzzing with chatter for hours nonstop--it was just really light and fun and casual and full of humor. It came very naturally. It was surprisingly refreshing. At one point we had been talking about our favorite food to make (we're both big into cooking) when we realized we were hungry, so our two beers turned into a bar dinner, and before we knew it, we had spent 3 1/2 hours at the bar, when it really only needed to be a drink.

I'd say that went well, for a first date!

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand.....

Several weeks ago I met up with The Journalist for coffee. We had a nice chat, mostly pretty light, talking about running, TV shows, books, etc. I had decided before then that I wasn't really interested in anything more than friends with him anymore. But since it didn't seem to be headed in that direction anyway, and I did still enjoy hanging out with him, I saw no reason to discontinue meeting up now and again.

When I got home, I got a troubling text message from him telling me I hadn't made enough effort to get to know him and it hurt his feelings. This is just about the opposite of my character, so I was pretty taken aback. I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I had trouble in replaying the conversation in my mind finding something I might have said that could have been hurtful. He eventually called me and we worked it out (turned out there was something on his mind that I didn't ask about?). It did weird me out a little bit, though. We were still pretty early on in the friendship and things were light and breezy--it felt a little strange for drama to arise so soon.

This weekend we met up again, for just some random fun wandering through a bookstore. He walked me to my train afterwards, and as the train was pulling up to the station, I went to say goodbye. I went in for a hug, as per usual, but I think (and didn't realize until halfway in) that he was going for a kiss, and midway through the awkwardness he ended up with a cheek. I then had an incredibly awkward 10 seconds waiting for the train to stop before I could make my escape.

I went home terribly confused. I had made up my mind weeks ago that I didn't want more than friendship, and I really didn't see him pushing things forward, either. Now it seems like we either need to have a difficult "let's just be friends" talk, or I could just go with it and see if feelings develop. On the one hand, I know a lot of people who take a long time before their feelings really develop. On the other hand, I do usually know if there's any potential there, and the last time I "gave things a chance" when I wasn't really interested, it just became painfully more and more difficult to break it off, and more and more uncomfortable for me as expectations for deeper intimacy arose.

I'm kind of leaning toward trusting my instincts. I suppose it's always possible that feelings will arise later, but I see no need to push things now when they're not there. Difficult conversation it is, then. :(

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

If these are my options, it's no wonder I'm still single.

I often stress how difficult the dating market is these days, especially for those over 30. To illustrate this you really need look no further than OK Cupid, where the minions from every quirky edge of the freaky spectrum congregate together hoping to find a match.

Today's example comes from a young lad who pinged me today. With a brief but informative glance at his profile, here is what I've learned about him:

1. He describes himself as athletic and well-built.
2. He smokes when drinking (and he drinks often)
3. He does drugs sometimes
4. The six things he could never do without are:
1. His endowment
2. Human kindness
3. Weed
4. What it tastes like between a woman's legs
5. Porn (yes, only 5 things were listed here)
5. He is 90% into women. But that other 10% comes out sometimes...
6. For now he is really only looking for friends with benefits
7. You should message him if: You are chill and like to play. You can have intimate sex with someone and not be mad if you don't hear from them for days.

Well then. I'm sure there are some girls who are into that, but that sounds like just about the least appealing person to me as there could be. I'm certainly not a person who is out there just for sex or for someone to use me just for my body. Obviously he did not read my profile.....

So all you folks out there who are married or otherwise attached, do me a favor today and just be grateful. 

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic

Introducing Mr. Suave

Well, to be fair, this isn't the first time I've written about Mr. Suave. I actually wrote about him back here. But this time I'm giving him a name.

Admittedly, not much has happened yet. But my geeky girlish daydreams are a bit aflutter. My team moved offices this week, so I knew I wouldn't really have any chance to see him again. I was reluctant to reach out to him for a little while, since I had only spoken to him twice and tracking him down might appear to be a teensy bit stalker-ish. But while speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded of a line from "Risky Business": 

"Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel. Every now and then saying "What the Fuck" brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future."

So I said, "what the fuck." And I sent him an invitation to connect on LinkedIn (a professional networking platform, if you're not familiar). He accepted immediately, as in, within a minute. And I saw that he did view my profile (rather than just accepting from the email). So, later on in the day, I said "what the fuck" again and I sent him a note asking how the new job was going, letting him know that I moved offices, etc. He wrote back a quick reply this evening.

I know, I know, this is all kind of nothing so far. But let me just emphasize this: he is a guy who I believe who could have any girl he wants. He is very good-looking, smart, polite and kind, dresses well, smells nice, is quite a bit younger than I am :-0 .... what earthly business would he have talking to a girl like me? I am incredibly nervous just sending him an email. I practically had to ask permission of at least half a dozen friends before I even sent him a LinkedIn invitation.

I think girls do this all the time. We self-select ourselves in the dating pool according to who we think we deserve, and it probably has a lot to do with our self-esteem. I've usually had reasonable self-esteem, I suppose. I criticize myself as much as the next person and have a healthy dose of humility, but I generally believe I'm a good person, and I don't really have a history of dating jerks because I think I deserve better. But I can't say I've ever been the kind of girl who would talk to ANY guy I want. I, too, self-select myself. And honestly, I tend to be too shy to even talk to the guys who I think might be good for me. (Hmm, I'm starting to see why I never get anywhere with guys....) Anyway, so talking to a guy who literally makes me flush and think thoughts of "I'm not worthy" is a big deal for me. Am I worthy? Well, sure--he's only human, and he has plenty of faults (somewhere....). I may not completely feel worthy yet, but I'm faking it. So even if it doesn't go well, I already feel stronger. :) 

Although to be honest, I think I would like him more if I knew some of those faults of his. Perfection is highly overrated.

Trying to stay positive,
Skeptic